Heterosexual MOTD pundit suffers after 118 118 blunder

Thanks to the “Ask Us Anything” feature of directory enquiries service 118 118, pointless trivia is just a touch of a button away. The mustachioed men brought shame to their running vests recently by sending out racist jokes to those foolish enough to request them, and have now landed themselves in hot water over supposed “facts” concerning Mark Lawrenson.

Confused by his calm demeanour and soft speaking voice, a punter texted to ask if the former Liverpool defender was gay. A rogue 118er sent the following reply: “Mark Lawrenson is married and regularly take sit up the a**e. thx!”

Lawrenson is married with two children, and probably doesn’t approve of this answer.

Hansen and Lawrenson “work rate” hits an all-time low

Match of the Day 2 received a couple of unwelcome visitors last night when a six-fixture Sunday meant BBC super-pundits Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson were forced to interrupt their golf schedule in preparation for spending the evening on the MOTD 2 sofas instead.

Adrian Chiles has done an excellent job of turning MOTD 2 into a brighter, cleverer and more informative spin-off, largely thanks to Lee Dixon’s critical input and an imaginative guest rotation policy. Hansen and Lawrenson, possibly fed up at being unable to adopt their customary lolling posture, given the more modern design of the Sunday seating, turned in one

Sum of human knowledge greater than it was yesterday

With television rights to the weekend football highlights package up for discussion again shortly, this may be the penultimate season viewers of Match of the Day get to enjoy Alan Shearer and Mark Lawrenson yawning back at them from a BBC sofa each Saturday night.

But the prospect of unemployment hasn’t blunted Alan “good at discussing strikers” Shearer’s quest to unravel the mysteries of football for the ignorant millions at home.

Last night, following Wigan’s 5-0 education of Hull, the great pundit felt moved to peer into Wigan manager Steve Bruce’s future. “He’ll (Steve Bruce) do really well. He’ll continue to carry on.” Got it.

… and looks like a Canadian from South Park

… and looks like a Canadian from South Park

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New Gladiators presenter feels he’s not being taken seriously enough in his role as a pundit

Professional gob Ian Wright has told the BBC he is taking his punditry elsewhere after accusing them of treating him like a “comedy jester.”

The Spoiler had always assumed Wrighty’s barrow boy approach to the game was all of his own design, but Wright said “I feel like I’m just there as a comedy jester to break the ice with Alan Shearer and Alan Hansen who just do run-of-the-mill things. I can’t do that anymore. People want something different.”

While never the most insightful of analysts and prone to heaping undeserved praise on “Shaun”, Ian Wright deserves the viewers’ congratulations for a) having the backbone to quit instead of continuing to pocket a paycheck (said to be in the region of

The Spoiler takes the bitter one down! 

Match of the Day’s own Madame Zaza, fortune-telling Mark Lawrenson, is in need of a bejewelled turban with greater powers, as he only managed to correctly guess four results from last weekend’s games, unlike The Spoiler, which correctly managed FIVE.

Like a good pro, however, he has picked himself up for another go, and this week likes the look of United over Pompey, Chelsea over Barnsley, Blackburn over Fulham, Liverpool over Newcastle, Reading over Man City, Boro over Cardiff, Bristol Rovers/WBA and Sunderland/Everton to draw, Tottenham over West Ham and Arsenal over Wigan.

But no! This is what will happen. United over Pompey, Chelsea over Barnsley, Blackburn over Fulham, Liverpool over Newcastle, Reading/City draw, Boro/Cardiff draw, Rovers/WBA draw, Everton over Sunderland, Spurs/West Ham draw and Arsenal over Wigan.

Eliminate Mark Lawrenson!

The Spoiler had the pleasure of watching last night’s England game through headphones (on a treadmill – don’t ask), and an amazing discovery was made. John Motson’s balanced and relevant commentary comes through the left speaker channel, while Mark Lawrenson’s nonsense come through the right speaker channel. This means a Lawrenson-less game is just a few TV adjustments away! No more ‘It looks like he’s blown the whistle for a foul there,’ and no more ‘I’ve got nothing to say,’ when Motty regretfully asks his co-commentator for some input. Get