World Cup Qualifier, 7.30pm, Setanta Sports 1, £10 Free Bet
Rather than just telling you why Wayne Rooney might score in Minsk, our friends at chickendinner have examined all ten likely outfield starters for England tonight and assessed each individual’s chances of scoring the opening goal:
Wayne Bridge - The left-back hasn’t scored in 21 months and his one international goal, against Iceland in 2004, was the sixth in that match.
Matthew Upson - He’s the only likely outfield starter without an international goal but his only goal in the last 22 months was an important one: West Ham’s winner against Manchester United last December.
Rio Ferdinand - Has only once managed to score in consecutive games in his career and even then only one was a first goal.
Wes Brown - Scored his first England goal at home to the Czech Republic
Don’t pity JT, he’ll be fine. Lampsie will take him grapes and talk him through the match afterwards, but until then, there is the small problem of who can replace him at the back. Rio will make for a good skipper, should he put his “merking” to one side for a couple of hours, but who should partner him? Club mate Brown? Wotsisface from West Ham? Or Lescott?
If The Spoiler were in charge, Carragher would be snorting, hacking and spluttering down the phone by now - don’t worry, that’s just the way he says “yes” to coming out of international retirement.
Ug, is there anything worse than having all of your dreams shattered? The short answer is, of course, no, no there isn’t. Yet every year we get all excited and start hailing new saviours for the England football team, here to finally banish a million years of pain. Players like Barnes, Collymore, Gareth Barry, Walcott.
These men came to us like mighty footballing Christs, then gave us nothing but salty tears.
Yeah, thanks a lot, guys. Here’s the worst of the bunch…
GK Chris Kirkland
When Kirkland joined Liverpool in 2001, people went mental, insisting that he was the future England keeper, and would be for hundreds of years to come. Then he kept getting injured, and now Capello has more faith in David James, an 86-year-old gentleman who Liverpool fans once derided for being totally rubbish.
DL Wayne Bridge
What a breath of fresh air Bridge was when he was careering up and down the flanks at Southampton. Some even suggested that he might be better than that hateful little toad, Ashley Cole. Unfortunately, even Wayne Bridge wasn’t buying that one, and he now spends his days earning money for doing nothing, which makes him a total loser/genius.
England friendlies are nearly always dreadful, but that doesn’t stop the preemptive wave of excitement - even when they are inconveniently scheduled during the opening week of the season.
Capello’s squad selection for his final friendly before World Cup Qualifying was hardly inspiring: the Italian leant towards the same players again, with Ashley Young inexplicably absent and hints about Darren Bent’s inclusion coming to nothing. But of the players named in the squad, who deserves to start?
Here’s what we think:
Joe Hart
We know what David James can do so there’s no need for him to play and of Joe Hart and Paul Robinson, the former is more worthy of being given the chance. The Manchester City player made a quiet debut in the second half against Trinidad and Tobago in June, but a better judgement could be made if he plays a full match against stronger opposition.
Matthew Upson The Spoiler would prefer to see Upson or Woodgate start in central defence alongside the new England captain to test some new partnerships but Capello is almost certain to go with Ferdinand and Terry together. So as we’ve all seen plenty of Cashley, why not try Upson on the left over Chelsea reserve Wayne Bridge to give England another option?
Rio Ferdinand
Hopefully the Man United defender will be leading
