The Portuguese man-o-sex’s top five conquests

For those who didn’t know, Cristiano Ronaldo (full name Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro) was named after the evil American politician/actor Ronald Reagan, which, as people to be named after goes, is only a few back from calling your child Adolf, Judas or Jack the Ripper.

All of that aside, Ronaldo’s had a great couple of days - voted footballer of the year, wore a leather jacket - so to celebrate, we thought we’d have a dreamy look back on some of the more beautiful women he’s had sex with since he moved to Manchester. For probably legal/financial reasons, we haven’t included the many prostitutes.

Merche Romero

Merche (possibly pronounced “mirsh”) played the part of a Mrs Robinson character in Ronaldo’s life, being practically an old biddy at 31-years-old. A TV presenter in Portugal, when word got out that she’d been snogging Ronaldo, scores of angry young fans started threatening to kill her. They soon split up.

Gemma Atkinson

Cristiano Ronaldo is the league’s top scorer in more ways than one

This week, Cristiano Ronaldo will mostly be boffing…

After working his way through models Gemma Atkinson, Merche Romero and countless prostitutes, it seems that Cristiano Ronaldo’s wild libido has temporarily settled on Mia Judaken, an eighteen-year-old friend of the Ronaldo family. Apparently, the Portuguese winger - who loves to keep his sunglasses on during whoopie - respected her privacy so much, that he even paid off a magazine who were going to publish pictures of the couple before Christmas.