Citeh’s Thai revolution takes another bizarre twist

UPDATE: Shinawatra has denied the story. You win this time, common sense.

Unassisted by useful journalistic tools like evidence and quotations, The Daily Express today are claiming that Thai nutbag Thaksin Shinawatra has put the entire Manchester City team up for sale:

Thai billionaire Shinawatra, who is already set to sack manager Sven-Goran Eriksson, is apparently so disgusted with the team’s performances in the second half of the season that he wants a massive clear-out, including young stars such as Micah Richards, Michael Johnson and Joe Hart.

If this is true, what the Gary Mabbutt is he up to? It’s no secret

If you’re reading this on Thursday morning, welcome brother/sister, the sun is still nice and shiny (although we just heard thunder) and free love rules. If it’s Thursday evening/ Friday morning, please help, we’re hiding in an alleyway just behind the office, and there’s a big guffawing clown with blonde hair stomping around saying he owns London and punching people in the face. Call the police.

The final day of freedom’s transfers read thusly:

Micah Richards to Manchester United
The growing hum in the north is that Micah Richards might dare to cross the City/United divide, and spend next season making Wes Brown totally regret signing a new contract. Apparently he has been sickened by his club’s treatment on gentle Sven - and for a humble £23 million, he may be keen to experience a whole new world of angry locals.

Leo Messi to Manchester United
The more sluttish United supporters have decided that Messi may actually be sexier than Ronaldo. The solution: dump Ronaldo, get Messi! They are naughty.

Michael Johnson to Arsenal
Arsene Wenger is so sick and tired of everyone telling him that no one in his side is from England, that he may yet be driven to buying Gareth Barry AND Michael Johnson in an unruly spending rage. Then everyone can shut up, and the promising midfielders can join Richard Wright and Francis Jeffers on the secret list of English players who shouldn’t have gone to Arsenal.

With Beckham jogging slowly towards retirement, and Freddie Ljungberg no longer quite so fiercely dressed at the weekends, everyone has been going absolutely bananas with worry - where are we going to get our fashion tips from? Damn it, it’s nearly Spring/Summer!

Well, the worry is over people, because Mr Fashion for the next generation of footballers has just stepped up to the plate - Micah Richards. Yeah, that’s him doing his jacket all the way up, and no your eyes aren’t deceiving you, he has a zip and a pocket on those there jeans.

Welcome to our lives, Micah. Now say “Cheese”!

(oh, apparently saying “Cheese” is no longer cool either)

Because the PFA vote neglected the last three months of action

Last night, the PFA names their team of the season, but did you know that members voted for it all the way back in January? In his BBC Sport Column, Micah Richards admits that votes were cast way back when Arsenal were on for the title and Newcastle were going down, meaning the past few months of play have not been taken into account. With that in mind, here’s our team of the season from February onwards:

Chris Kirkland
Contributed to Arsenal’s downfall with a stunning clean sheet at the JJB before stealing the spotlight again at Stamford Bridge to help Wigan to a 1-1 draw, which could prove crucial come the end of the season. Remarkably, Wigan have kept more clean sheets than any other Premier League team from February onwards.

Patrice Evra
Gael Clichy’s season went down the drain with Arsenal’s while Evra has been solid all season long at the back for Manchester United.

Nemanja Vidic
Keeps his place and, if anything, his importance to Manchester United has been magnified by their vulnerability when he has been missing.

Phil Jagielka
Dropping Ferdinand may seem harsh but a defence made up of Manchester United and Arsenal players can’t be justified when Everton have let in fewer goals in 2008 than anyone else in the country. Joleon Lescott has taken the plaudits because of his goal contribution but while he has made a few mistakes, Jagielka has grown in stature as the season’s progressed and could be close to an England call-up.

Bacary Sagna
The only one of four Arsenal

Corrie star now subject to Micah Richards’ terrible taste in film

The latest WAG to join the over-preened pack is Helen Flanagan, the eighteen-year-old Coronation Street star who met Micah Richards on a night out. He ‘demanded’ a date, and they have since seen each other on several occasions. Who knows what they got up to on those dates? Maybe Micah took her home to watch his favourite film Home Alone, or maybe he introduced the naive actress to his passion for filming sexual intercourse in disabled toilets. They’re keeping it ‘low-key‘ right now, so hopefully the Man City defender is sticking to the DVD collection…

Beethoven and Honey I Shrunk The Kids don’t even make his top five!

PR busybodies and Agents work around the clock to make sure Premier League footballers are presented well in the media, so that their sponsors will continue to give them free stuff and their bizarre private lives will continue to be concealed. Then, with a throwaway insight into their private life, a player can undo all that time and effort in one hilarious swoop:

“I don’t see so much of the other players while I am doing the rehab work,” [Micah Richards] said. “It can be quite lonely and I have been watching a lot of DVDs. I have got a big collection, including Home Alone, which is my favourite film. In fact I’ve got the whole series of Home Alone films.”

Manchester City defender Micah Richards slipped several rungs down the cool ladder this week by revealing his favourite film is the 1991 Macaulay Culkin classic Home Alone. To be fair, it was my favourite film when I was eight years old too,