So cheap and tacky, he put his name on it…

There’s still a fair chance Cristiano Ronaldo will have a lot of free time on his hands next summer, while the rest of his Real Madrid team mates jet off to South Africa for a post-season kick about. However, fans of winking and arrogance will be happy to hear CR9 could be lining up a contingency plan to make sure his face will remain plastered all over our TV screens come June.

According to US entertainment site TMZ (who broke the news of Michael Jackson’s death), horror-faced entrepreneur Joe “he’s worth more dead than alive” Jackson has told them he is set to meet the Portuguese man-o-sex early next month, to start filming TV, magazine and internet adverts for his latest venture - the laughably rubbish ‘Goalie Grill’ barbecue set.

A fitting, albeit expensive way to pay tribute to US royalty

If there was one thing that Michael Jackson was known for during his short and bizarre life, it was an extraordinary passion for the United States national football team. Hence, Team USA have been quick to release a garment-based tribute to the King of Pop, which can be yours for just $89.95.

The Spoiler can assure its readers that this is not a cynical and rushed attempt to cash in on the death of an international hero - it’s definitely what he would have wanted.

He’ll be buying a stupid monkey next

Back in the glorious 1980s, rumours abound that a pre-melty-face Michael Jackson slept in an oxygen chamber - with his monkey. No one knows the real truth, and his monkey won’t spill the beans.

But one thing is known - that Raul of Real Madrid sleeps in a freaky room that only Jacko would really approve of.

The whisper on the street is that the Real Madrid skipper spends his nights in a specially