Coming to a computer near you…

Frank Lampard still looking for The One (Show)
( Metro )

Is this the most open Premier League title race ever?
( Telegraph )

Legend Ariel Ortega does what we expect Argentinian no 10s to do - cheat
( 101gg )

Steve Gibson has a long way to go - Atletico name nine coaches in one day
( Guardian )

And name Tottenham’s new stadium
( Pies )

Coming to a computer near you

Ballboy nonchalantly plays tricks on Jens Lehmann, who surprisingly is not amused.
( 101gg )

Modern Turkish medicine at last recognises the kiss as a valid form of healing
( Dirty Tackle )

They take their warm-ups seriously in Turkey
( 101gg )

The real reason Boro opted for Strachan
( Off the Post )

And disciplinary hearings, Israeli-style
( 101gg )

Champions League and Championship-related schooling

1. Rafa has failed to think of the children
Whilst continual whinging about lack of funds has earned him an undeserved amount of sympathy, Rafa Benitez’s failure to bring through a single young player of any note during his five years at Anfield is pretty damning. Both United and Arsenal have a number of young players who have been developed through the clubs’ feeder teams (albeit often poaching them from other clubs in their late teens.) Yet Rafa, despite booting out Steve Heighway as Youth Development Manager and replacing him with err…himself, has merely signed dud after dud after dud, whilst ignoring local, young players entirely.
That, and not lack of funds, is why the Liverpool squad is so poor, and their bench so shallow.

2. Platini may have been right
Last night was possibly the best evening of Champions League football in a while, and much of it down to the tinkering Michel Platini made to qualification in the summer. Rubin Kazan, Unirea Urziceni and Dinamo Kiev all received direct passes into the group stage this year whilst Debrecen had a far easier time of qualifying into the Champions League proper, due to Platini’s ruse of pairing seeds.
After a slow start, it’s shaping up to be the best Champions Leaue group stage for a while, and were Inter, Liverpool and Milan to fall at the first hurdle, Platini would be a vindicated man.

3. Winning isn’t always a good idea
If it ain’t broke don’t fix it Gareth.

What did you learn last night? Tell us below

Manchester Utd striker failed to cope with being blacklisted

Thanks to three Premier League titles, an FA Cup and a Champions League, Dwight Yorke undoubtedly enjoyed the best days of his career at Manchester Utd. The Trinidad and Tobago striker, however, has revealed that he also endured some of his darkest days at the club.

After a high profile relationship with vacuous publicity whore glamour model Jordan put him in the media spotlight for the wrong reasons, Yorke fell out with Ferguson, who attempted to ship him off to Middlesbrough.

The striker felt encouraged when Sir Alex announced his intention to retire, but when he subsequently retracted that intention, Yorke turned to the bottle. He claims he spent his final three months at Old Trafford getting tanked while watching his colleagues on the TV:

“I started to drink again. I wasn’t an alcoholic. But it helped to ease the loneliness. I was like a zombie.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Today’s links come sprinkled with a generous helping of classic Weezer. The first person to identify the football kit in the video wins the prestigious ‘Incredibly Easy Competition’ competition 

FIFA demand a gender test for Fernando Torres
[NewsArse]

Luis Figo really ought to leave the chest wax alone for a little while
[Kickette]

Professor Wenger is ready for Old Trafford
[Sky Sports]

Glenn Hoddle says David Beckham would ‘thrive at Chelsea’
[The Telegraph]

Robert Huth is on his way to Stoke
[Goal.com]

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Michel Salgado to Blackburn
Spanish papers AS and Sport say the unemployed 33-year-old has turned down offers from Real Zaragoza and Dubai for sunny Blackburn. He is due in England to finalise the deal today.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: If Big Sam can wade through the financial red tape at Ewood Park, this one is on.

Sergio Aguero to Chelsea
Maradona’s son-in-law has been heavily linked with Manchester Utd over the summer, but The Sun believe Chelsea are the frontrunners to buy out his £50m get-out clause. They have 24 hours

A team of fresh faces who represent excellent value for money

Although the transfer window isn’t locked shut until the end of the month, the brand new Premier League season is but a few hours away. With this in mind, Spoiler correspondent Ben Baker has considered the best buys of the summer so far, compiling a team of his favourites…

Joe Hart
(Manchester City to Birmingham, Season Long Loan)
A transfer that suits both parties. Joe wants to win more senior England caps, and since he has been edged out of the number one spot at Manchester City by a certain Mr. Given, first team opportunities have been lacking. His search for regular football has led him to the Midlands and Birmingham are surely delighted that this promising young English goalkeeper will be between the sticks for the season. Also, you just have to love him for his mental attitude and abrasive shouting when facing a penalty - he’s like a loopier version of Bruce Grobbelaar.

Glen Johnson
(Portsmouth to Liverpool, £17.5m)
Beating off Chelsea and Manchester City and getting one over his rivals would have made this deal extra sweet for the ever-irritated Rafa. Johnson had a superb season last year, both with club and country, epitomised by his man of the match performance against an (albeit woeful) Andorra side that saw him notch up four assists from full back, and will add a whole new dimension to Liverpool’s right side. A high price to pay, but as Rafa said, “Sometimes you have to spend a little bit more.”A sentiment that is particularly true for English players.

Yuri Zhirkov
(CSKA Moscow to Chelsea, £18m)
A Russian at Chelsea? How did that happen? This versatile

Fools and their money will not be parted thanks to new venture

When he isn’t playing as part of a defence that earned a relegation-worthy -29 goal difference last season, Andrew Taylor enjoys the finer things in life: fast cars, dazzling jewelery and high end audio systems.

Unfortunately, a penchant for premium quality products has left the 23-year-old and several of his football colleagues with slightly less of their humongous disposable incomes, thanks to the kind of shysters who try to exploit vulnerable young men whose bank balances far outweigh their connection with the real world. (A sportscar dealer, for example, will have no qualms slapping an extra £10,000 on a £200,000 if he believes the well-remunerated customer will be oblivious to the price hike.)

In order to help the UK’s 4,000 professional footballers avoid getting ripped off in this manner, Taylor is about to launch an invitation-only website called Platinum Players. The site will list companies that offer “luxury lifestyle products” (cars, gadgets, hotels, underwater dog treadmills) and also financial advisers and lawyers who are deemed “trustworthy”.