Mido, Afonso Alves, Mohamed Shawky and Tuncay are hiding somewhere in this hectic market scene. If you spot them, please alert Middlesbrough Football Club immediately.

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Mido piles the pressure on Rafa

Presented with the opportunity to jump to second place in the Premier League and nip on Manchester Utd’s heels, it was vital that Liverpool secured three points at the JJB last night. The first half went exactly to plan, but Wigan’s brand new Egyptian forward messed with the script in the 83rd minute by slotting home a penalty equaliser.

Robbie Keane - who in recent weeks has seen less action than Amy Winehouse’s toothbrush - was thrown on as a last minute act of desperation, but even his impromptu appearance couldn’t save the game.

To make things even worse, even Alan Shearer could have made a better attempt at post-match analysis than Senor Benitez*:

We didn’t kill the game in the second half, it was a crazy game.

And when it is a crazy game you cannot control things. Why was it crazy? Because it was crazy.”

Rafa’s mental tautological thoughts aside, Liverpool have yet to win a league game in 2009, and are certainly not showing the consistent brilliance required of champions. Have they already blown their chances of securing their first Premier League trophy? Let us know your thoughts below…

*We don’t really mean that, Rafa. No one is worse than Shearer

[Video: 101GG]

The latest transfer rumours, gossip and damned lies…

If Harry Redknapp gets his way, the Materazzi/ Mourinho ballroom dancing team will be a thing of the past…

Marco Materazzi to Tottenham
If someone has a pulse and can kick a football, chances are ‘Arry has put a bid on them. The latest to receive the honour is Inter Milan centre-back Materazzi, who has eighteen months left on his contract at the San Siro.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Spurs are also linked with Nicolas Burdisso, Patrick Vieira and Mario Balotelli - wouldn’t it just be easier for Mr Redknapp to manage Internazionale?

Carlo Cudicini to Tottenham
The Daily Mail claim the under-used 35-year-old Chelsea keeper has moved across London to White Hart Lane for £1m.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Spurs could really do with a good keeper, although this transfer “exclusive” isn’t reported anywhere except the Mail. And, er, here.

Robinho not going to Chelsea
Despite being in regular contact with Big Phil since his move to England, disgruntled City star Robinho will not be moving to the Bridge any time soon. According to The Guardian, Chelsea only

Premier League referee prone to the occasional error

After Newcastle became the latest team to be denied important points as a result of a mistake by referee Rob Styles, The Spoiler decided to look at who else have fallen victim to his calamitous decision making in recent years.

In goal is Shay Given, who made what deserved to be a match-winning save from Stephen Ireland last night but wasn’t because Manchester City were afforded another opportunity to break down Newcastle’s ten men and scored.

Our left-back is Jlloyd Samuel, whose great tackle on Cristiano Ronaldo last month was punished when Styles pointed to the spot. Accompanying Habib Beye, who is a makeshift centre-back due to Styles’ habit of making costly errors against right-backs, is Stoke’s Ibrahima Sonko, who was adjudged to have fouled Obafemi Martins in Reading’s 3-2 loss at St James’ Park in December 2006, a decision his boss Steve Coppell labelled “a guess-timate”. Steve Finnan completes the defence after Rob Styles famously pointed to the spot last season when Florent Malouda ran into the Irishman with Liverpool beating Chelsea 1-0.

On the wings are

The whispers from the grapevine…

While Joe Cole sits silently in his mansion, lonely tears spattering newspaper reports insisting that Robinho is on his way over to spoil his Chelsea party, everyone else is having a great time! Here’s today’s transfer news…

Jonathan de Guzman to Arsenal
A lot of Arsenal fans are worried that, Cesc Fabregas aside, their midfield would be better served by a clan of sopping wet flannels and a sponge. So what better way to calm their addled minds than by signing Canadian-born Dutchman de Guzman, who sounds a bit like the podgy Hollywood tough guy Luis Guzman? Nice move, Wengertron.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Arsenal fans won’t hold their breath.

Mido staying put
After cutting out the carbs and only surviving on *egg yokes, spinach leaves and tofurkey (like tofu, but turkey), Mido looks great, and has scored in his first three games this season. Hence, the bruisers at Wigan are keen to have him bring a little sparkle to their dressing room, but Gareth Southgate has told him he’s going nowhere. Not yet.