Barton banned for twelve games

Newcastle, the club and the city, has gone into meltdown. Swarms of Right Said Fred tribute acts can be found swarming around St James’ Park screaming hysterically about Kevin Keegan, and now their favourite player, Joey Barton, has been told that he won’t be allowed to play for twelve games. All just because he keeps beating people up.

Gutted.

Was the Geordie Messiah right to leave the club at this stage?

Following the announcement that King Kev has abdicated from his throne, one despairing Newcastle fan has gone as far as throwing his shirt and season ticket into the Tyne, in anger at the club’s board. A less vocal section of the fanbase, however, feels disappointed at KK’s decision to abandon the ship he loves so dearly - one Newcastle forum user remarks:

I’m not going to be very popular for saying this at all, but irrespective of the situation Keegan has walked out on us at the first hurdle.

So, should Newcastle fans point their fingers solely at the board, or feel a little let down by the perceived lack of tenacity of their revered leader? Votes and comments below, please.

Newcastle owner lives up to fans’ opinion

Things are going to get worse for the Toon Army

Sky Sports News are reporting that Kevin Keegan has left Newcastle but the bad news doesn’t stop there: Alan Shearer is the 9/4 favourite with Paddy Power to take charge.

If the club don’t follow their appointment of King Kev by going for another returning hero in the guise of the bland Match of the Day pundit, it looks like Dennis Wise could be the new boss, with the current executive director 3/1 to take over.

Click here for a free £10 bet with Paddy Power.

King Kev having crisis talks with board

BBC Radio Newcastle are reporting that Kevin Keegan is currently having crisis talks with the club’s hierarchy after becoming frustrated by the sale of first-team players.

There are rumours circulating that he may have walked already and King Kev is now a tiny 1.38 (approximately 4/11) on Betfair to be the first Premier League manager to leave their post.

Newcastle owner caught boozing at the Emirates

Most football fans who enjoy the odd tipple are painfully aware that drinking alcohol in sight of the playing surface has been banned from the beautiful game since 1985. Obviously under the impression that the laws of the land do not apply to millionaires, Newcastle owner Mike Ashley was caught red-handed by Setanta cameras downing a pint of the good stuff in the stands at the Emirates on Saturday evening.

According to red-faced Newcastle officials, Ashley was “offered a drink which he thought was non-alcoholic so he took it in good faith.” However, an Arsenal representative has responded saying non-alcoholic beer is not sold at the Emirates, and they are launching

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Chelsea have confirmed making a bid for Brazilian man-o’-sex Robinho (rumoured to be worth £19.7 million) but find themselves frustrated with Real Madrid’s failure to find a replacement, which is currently holding up proceedings. With Cristiano Ronaldo staying put and Wesley Sneijder out injured, this saga could be far from completion.

Kevin Doyle to Sunderland
Things were going great for Doyle. He impressed during his first Premier League season then was even linked with a move to Chelsea. What followed? A run of 21 games without a goal! Fear not though, Roy Keane is ready to offer him a second chance.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Sunderland and Doyle could prove a good match

Younes Kaboul to Aston Villa
Martin O’Neill has already signed

We get the lowdown on the Magpies’ potential new saviour

Despite Newcastle insisting that giving up complete control of Newcastle United would not appeal to Mike Ashley, rumours are rife of a takeover by Mumbai-born businessman named Anil Ambani. Like most of the new school of Premier League owners, Ambani has no history in sport, but his links to the hugely expanding Indian market and reported willingness to sink £150m into the Toon could prove very fruitful.

Here’s what we know about Mr Ambani:

* According to Forbes magazine’s 2008 Billionaire list, Ambani is has a net worth of around $42bn (£21.5bn), making him the sixth richest man in the world, behind filthy rich folksfolks like Bill Gates and Warren Buffett. That gives him nearly double the spending power of Roman Abramovich (worth a measly $12bn) and streets ahead of Mike Ashley (whose empire is worth a pitiful £1.4bn).

* In 2003 he beat Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee and cricketer Sachin Tendulkar to become MTV’s Youth Icon of the Year. “Young people are the future of our nation and they give me the strength to carry forward the vision of my late father, Dhirubhai Ambani, of making India a successful and super reliant power house,” he gushed at the time.

* His aforementioned father founded conglomerate Reliance Industries back

Toon Army unhappy with controversial takeover plans

Geordies are outraged today by the news that the Bin Ladens are front runners in the race to take Newcastle United from Mike Ashley. The Saudi BinLadin Group, who turn over around £2.5billion annually through their construction work, have reportedly offered £300m for the club, and they plan to spend millions developing leisure and retail facilities around St James’ Park.

Osama was disowned by his family many years before 9/11, but the prospect of having an overweight recluse replaced by lots of men with big beards is a frightening one.

Ben Linton, a 27-year-old insurance broker from Gateshead said: “I saw Team America at the cinema and on DVD, so I know that terrorism is something I do not want my club associated with.”

Boris Langley, a retired teacher from Newcastle,

Chelsea skipper employs unique defending strategy

Little Dennis Wise isn’t all about needless aggression and taking Mike Ashley’s money for no particular reason. In his late nineties playing career, he also offered free testicular exams, and here he is carrying one out on The Sun’s least informed sports journalist.

Thanks to eagle-eyed Sporno fan Pranav for the spot.

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