Mikel Arteta’s lady could cost Everton the Champions League

Good news for Liverpool fans - if there’s any sense of harmony in the world, Everton will take fifth place at the end of this season. Mikel Arteta’s better half Lorena Bernal, you see, has just finished fifth in Nuts Magazine’s prestigious ‘100 Sexiest Footballer’s Wives’ poll. And if a comparison with a pseudo-porn weekly rag isn’t enough of a Da Vinci Code-style pattern to predict the league, then I simply don’t know what is.