Manchester Utd man attended shortest celebration of all time
This morning’s Sun newspaper tells us how Wayne Rooney is looking to recreate a night of sleeping on the floor, because the last time he did it was the evening Manchester Utd won the Champions League final. If that seems confusing, then the striker’s understanding of his wold partying in Moscow is even more so:
“We went to the party afterwards, which was brilliant, and did not get back to the hotel until about 2.30am.”
The Champions League final kicked off in Moscow at 10.45pm, meaning normal time would have ended at around 12.30am. Extra time and penalties would have taken another hour, meaning Rooney would have started celebrating on the pitch at around 1.30am. In the next hour, he got changed, did some interviews, left the stadium and crashed at his hotel. Somewhere in that sixty minute window, he also attended the ‘brilliant’ party.
Granted, it’s a petty point about an article that makes absolutely no sense (how can he ensure a victory in a game by sleeping on the floor after that game?), but we at The Spoiler believed Mr Rooney had much bigger drinking boots.
It was Moscow, it was 1980, no Americans were there…
Back in the days before he became the right honorable Lord and Baron Sebastian Newbold Coe, this weedy-looking conservative was one hell of a long distance running oik. What marked out his 1500 metres triumph in 1980 was that he was up against Steve Ovett, a man of the people - hence, the nation was divided over who should take gold. Of course, as with everything in the 1980s, the snootiest runner won with all the good grace of a spiky young princess stealing toys from an orphanage.
John Terry splits opinion - some consider him a great defender and leader of men, others find him to be a hateful little toad who has the oily look of a man who hangs around nightclubs at closing time looking for snogs/sex. The Spoiler has no opinion, just facts.
And the facts dictate that regardless of your stance in the great Terry debate, Chelsea would be wise not to start him tonight.
The Spoiler’s Russian correspondent reports that Moscow is absolutely bloody freezing and awash with a heavy rain, the likes of which may never be seen on these shores - a cold, hard rain that isn’t quite hail. All of a sudden, those big furry animal hats don’t look so silly, do they?
Feeling a bit sensitive because you missed out on the big tickets? Oh stop whining, man - they’ve got loads left!
United fans, if it’s not too late, and if you really love your team as much as your weeping suggests, why not head over to Moscow and cheer them on from the snowy stands? All you need to do is turn up at the Manchester United ticket office before 8pm tonight, hand over £73 and set your alarm. Don’t forget your big furry hat, a bottle of 98 per cent proof, and some bright red lipstick - three essentials that you’ll need just to get past customs.
Usefully, The Spoiler has provided five ways to get to Moscow in time for the game:
1. Leave Heathrow tomorrow at 6.40am, catch a connecting flight in Copenhagen and arrive in Russia at 2.50pm local time. You can come home on Thursday via Warsaw and be back on British soil by 9.45pm. That’ll cost you just £539.
The struggle to join Sir John Major at the UCL final rages on
If you are planning to head behind the Iron Curtain for the May 21 Champions League final, it seems you will need to earn the equivalent of the GDP of a medium-sized African nation to stand a chance of securing transportation.
The last BA seats to Moscow were sold at £900 each way, and it appears the only option now is to charter a private jet. Four Chelsea and eight Manchester Utd fans have already chartered a 14-seater G4 private jet (perhaps two of them like to put their feet up) using this company. If you can bear the thought of leaving your gated community and hand-built sports car collection behind, seats on these VIP aircraft are starting at £4,000. So, along with a £6,000 ticket, the minimum damage for taking in ninety minutes of football is £10,000. Sound good? Why not have your personal assistant get a quote right here.
Presumptuous web geeks build page dedicated to Moscow game
[click image to enlarge]
While casually searching for an image of the Luzhniki Stadium, I was pointed in the direction of this page from the Arsenal website. It’s fair enough that the Gunners built a page in anticipation of reaching the Champions League final, but their decision to keep it live is a little odd. Because they’re not in the final. They were knocked out by Liverpool, you see.
Speaking of Liverpool and presumptuousness, check out their 2007 Champions League victory tour bus after the jump…
England’s two best teams travel 1600 miles in search of neutral venue
Some facts about the Luzhniki Stadium in Moscow: It holds nearly 85,000 people, it used to be called the ‘Central Lenin Stadium’ and it has hosted concerts by hair metal gods such as Skid Row, Mötley Crüe and Scorpions. On May 21, however, those lucky enough (read: ‘rich enough’) to acquire a visa will head to the world’s most expensive city, in order to see Manchester Utd and Chelsea compete for the most prestigious piece of silverware on the continent. The bookies put United ever-so-slightly ahead, but based on last week’s match, the Red Devils would probably rather face any other team in the world right now.
So who do you think will win it? Votes and comments below, please.
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