The “football obsessed glamour model” currently aiding the breakdown of Carlos Tevez’s marriage

Carlos Tevez may have a wife and a three-year-old daughter, but this doesn’t stop the Argentinean chasing after pretty ladies who pose in underwear for a living. Four years ago, his wife Vanesa forgave him for steamrollering model Natalia Fassi, but she is now distraught over the news that the wet dog-alike may be conducting an affair with Mariana Paesani, a lady whose footballer-snaring techniques sound delicious:

“When I want a player, I simply become a goddess. I cover myself with vanilla and chocolate essence so they want to eat me whole. I die for footballers. I die for them. I dream that they scratch me all over.”