That Sir Alex Ferguson loves a mind game. Absolutely loves one. And, by the looks of things, a seed planted almost a year ago might just have won his team the Carling Cup yesterday.
Speaking out after seeing both Scholesy and the Little Red Roonster red carded against Fulham in 2009, the United manager commented:
“It’s Phil Dowd, what do you expect?”
The referee’s record of showing United five reds and 18 yellows in 12 league games was obviously beginning to get on the Ferguson goat.
Begging the question - was Phil Dowd too frightened of an angry Ferguson to show Vidic the red for his tackle on Agbonlahor? Had Fergie wormed his way into the refs mind and clouded his judgement?
If he hasn’t already thanked him, John Terry really should. Ashley Cole has done the ex-England captain a massive favour by stealing the limelight, and shining it on his own tawdry bedroom antics. Behind those giant sunglasses, it’s safe to assume that Cheryl has been crying pure pop tears. A move into furious Death Metal is not out of the question.
Anyway, while the nation joins in a flurry of gasps, and slammed down fists over Ashley’s treatment of such a delicate flower, the world has continued to spin sweetly on its axis, and here’s what we know about football (thanks to the likes of The Telegraph, The Daily Mail, The Mirror etc…):
In “child stars becoming successful adult stars” terms, if Wayne Rooney is his namesake Mickey, then Joe Cole could possibly be viewed as football’s Jodie Foster. He started promisingly, has occasionally been dazzling, then sometimes goes missing for months at a time.
He was particularly good as the rape victim in The Accused. Metaphorically speaking.
Anyway, as with Jodie Foster, another star turn is forever anticipated, and the word coming from today’s Express is that Cole may yet switch allegiance to Man United in a bid for Oscar glory (again, a clever metaphor).
In architectural terms, Man United now rather resembles a proud National Trust building, rich with history and moderate wealth, but in danger of disappearing under the shadow of a shiny futuristic megastore that’s under construction down the road - a place where workers will be forced to do the same kind of mundane customer service work, but for double wages!
Already, Carlos Tevez - United’s “Employee of the Month” on more than one occasion - has been seduced by pulsating wage packets from the mysterious robed men who employ him. And now, the whisper on the street is that Nemanja Vidic could be slipping into something light blue come the start of the next campaign.
No doubt those who support Man United will have been rather tetchy over the last couple of days. It’s snowing outside, everyone’s feeling angry anyway, and then Nemanja Vidic - so wonderful at hoofing balls in the opposite direction of his own goal - has been showing tell-tale signs of a malcontent.
Only yesterday, it was reported that he might yet head off to sunny Spain.
Man, life really sucks sometimes.
But fear not. According to all of today’s most urgent periodicals, the Serbian footballer was genuinely injured before Sunday’s woeful match against Leeds, and, actually, him and Sir Alex Ferguson really like each other. They’re like mates.
If you really want to get under Sir Alex Ferguson’s skin, there are a few surefire methods to consider.
One would be to publish an autobiography declaring that you were illegally approached by United when playing for another team. This is called “The Classic Jaap Stam”.
Another would be to hook up with a pop princess, then spend every waking hour away from the pitch shopping and getting your hair restyled. “The Classic David Becksie”.
Or, if you just want to locate the high point of your managers rage in double-quick time, start believing your own hype.
Think of yourself as bigger than the team, demand more money, pull out of games because you just felt a miniscule twinge in your leg during a warm up, make it all rather obvious that you yearn to join your bezzie mate Cristiano Ronaldo at Real Madrid.
This move is known as “The Nemanja Vidic”.
The rumour coming from today’s Times - where they take hard journalism very seriously - is that Vidic could yet be on borrowed time at Old Trafford, and should Real Madrid swoop in with around £25 million, he might be off.
For all that is great about him, Ferguson can struggle with big football egos. Just look at his most loyal players if you don’t believe it - Paul Scholes can’t talk, Ryan Giggs would give up his seat to a child’s teddy bear on a crowded train, and Gary Neville is like Sir Alex Ferguson’s most adoring hound.
The manager said this, regarding the symptoms of the Vidic injury that forced him to pull out just before kick-off on Sunday:
“I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t tell you at all.”
Hmmm, is something rotten in Denmark? Or, more specifically, Manchester?
Having already snaffled Man United’s best attacker, the word on the street (or, more specifically, in today’s newspapers) is that Real Madrid will be spending a large portion of next summer attempting to do a similar dismantling job on Sir Alex’s defence.
They’re ready to put £20 million on the table in a bid to lure Nemanja Vidic and his family to the warmer climates of sunny Spain.
Already this week, The Spoiler has reported that Wayne Rooney could be the next Galactico targeted by the club. So, at this rate, does this mean that Darren Fletcher should start considering Spanish language classes? No, realistically, it probably does not.
Elsewhere in the world, the big news is that Arsene Wenger has a soft spot for Craig Bellamy. He said this, as reported in today’s Independent:
“I like the player but I’ve not done anything.”
“I don’t think we can buy players from City.”
Having sold Toure and Adebayor to Manchester City over the summer, a hunch suggests that relations should be relatively strong between the clubs, so they probably could buy if they really wanted to.
Much would obviously depend on the current state of the Bellamy rage in the aftermath of the Mark Hughes sacking.
But would signing the tantrum-prone speedster be good business for the North London club?
Let us know your thoughts with a comment. Or if you need more time to think, here’s what Caught Offside have to say about it.
Loading ...