Until yesterday, Cristiano Ronaldo was only too happy to let the world see his collection of hideously short shorts, and his pneumatic (and officially not hot) girlfriend Nereida Gallardo.
But now things have turned ugly. A group of his friends (probably courted from Facebook) flooded a boat carrying pesky paparazzi, and then the tricky winger gave a rude hand gesture, which our American cousins inexplicably refer to as ‘flipping the bird’.
Manchester Utd star jumps on social networking bandwagon
[click image to enlarge]
It must be tough for a world famous footballer to move to a foreign country and attempt to make friends, yet Cristiano Ronaldo has managed to conduct many social interactions outside of soliciting prostitutes during his time in England. This may be due to the fact that he has embraced the information super highway: he regularly used to talk to current squeeze Nereida Gallardo on MSN Messenger, and now it appears that he invites strangers to talk to him through Facebook.
I received the friend request shown above this morning, and it looks pretty genuine. (I mean, we all know Cristiano hails from Detroit, Michigan, right?) The only indication the invite may be the work of a fraudster is that the winger is wearing a Manchester Utd shirt in the profile picture - he wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those anymore.
Man Utd star straddles his other inflatable plastic friend
Showing his obvious fondness for ‘frolicking’, the world’s vainest man got to grips with a purple and yellow deer thing yesterday while enjoying the Sardinian coastline.
While C-Ron’s regression to a childlike state is charming to see, his choice of swimwear is not. The tricky winger has graduated from tucking his boardshorts into themselves, to the sort of minuscule swimwear that only Scandinavians deem appropriate for public use:
More pictures of Ronaldo’s Casino Royale trunks and Nereida’s latest skimpies after the jump…
Upholding our reputation for quality investigative journalism, yesterday The Spoiler set out to discover if you, the citizens of this net of ours, believed the world’s most popular WAG was worthy of her status. The votes are in, and we’re afraid it’s sad news for the vainest man alive (honestly, who tucks their board shorts up into themselves?): Nereida Gallardo is not a fox.
The motion that the failed model deserves a place on the hotness podium beside Abbey Clancy and Gemma Atkinson has been narrowly defeated, as 52 per cent of voters said “Not hot”, while 32 per cent decided she was, and therefore of sufficient calibre to share a bed with her preening hairless partner. The remaining 16 per cent decided to vote even though they had no strong feelings on the subject. If you ever make up your mind, 16 per cent, do let us know.
Do you disagree with the poll’s outcome? There’s still time to turn this decision around, so make sure you and your Nereida lovin’ chums pile on right here!
Is the world’s favourite supporting lady worthy of her title?
The Spoiler’s most popular post rankings pay testament to the fact that Nereida Gallardo is currently the world’s most popular WAG. According to official made up statistics, her name is the most searched-for term in interweb history, four out of five Spanish men have admitted they say her name in their sleep and thirteen separate ships named ‘Nereida’ will be launched in 2008.
Are the critics being harsh on her unique ‘part silicone/ part tattoo/ part fierceness’ composition, or should Ms Gallardo be placed right up in the higher echelons of WAG hierarchy with Abbey Clancy and her ilk.
Frankly, The Spoiler office is torn on the subject, so settle it once and for all by voting and commenting below.
It’s no great secret that Wayne Rooney spent his childhood wearing rags and hoofing stones around Liverpool council estates, while over in Portugal Ronaldo’s family were so subservient and caught up in the 1980s that they even named their son after the US President, Ronald Reagan. The world, in short, was against these boys from the get-go.
In a parallel universe somewhere, Rooney is no doubt communicating in the mixture of coughs, snorts and hacks that make up the unemployed scouse dialect, while Ronaldo is standing alone in nightclubs watching jealously as all the other guys get the girls, and he has to go home with nothing but a cupful of his own tears and a massively long neck. But look at them now - both classy, both amazing. Begging the important question: who’s classier?
Sick of having no sense of style? Confused by Serena Williams wearing a mac on a boiling hot day? Of course you were, everyone was. But fashion need no longer be a dirty word used only by homosexual gentlemen and stylists, you too could be fashionable. Just do as Cristiano Ronaldo and his gym-ravaged girlfriend, Nereida Gallardo, do.
So first in your suitcase this summer…
HIM: Rosary beads (plastic), mirrored shades, red cap (NB. MUST BE BACKWARDS), flippy-floppies, white hotpants.
HER: White bikini, tiny head, slippers, sweatband (NB. Must fit head), tracing paper nightie (pink), tattooed groin (optional).
Caught in the whirlwind of a Ferguson rage, about to embark on a mission entitled “turn all Man United fans against me”, only recently spat out of Euro 2008 and straight into The Spoiler’smost disappointing XI, Cristiano Ronaldo would be wise to rest up while he can. And so he has. In boiling hot Italy no less, with the sturdy young woman currently lugging around his heavy heart in her back pocket. Her name, of course, is Nereida Gallardo - you probably know her as the most popular WAG on the planet. Regardless of the fact that she has the look of a woman who likes her eggs raw and by the dozen.
Several reasons may be given for Croatia’s unexpected victory over former tournament favourites Germany last night - the Deutscher’s lack of cohesion, Schweini’s sending off, Croatia’s ‘balls out’ attacking style - but the chaps over at The Offside Euro 2008 blog have got the famous victory figured out:
Croatia coach Slaven Bilic has banned visits to his Euro 2008 camp by friends and acquaintances but he is happy to let his players enjoy an afternoon with their wives and girlfriends … as long as they announce their visits in advance and don’t disrupt the morning and evening training sessions.
In World Cup 2006, Italy and Germany lifted the nookie ban, and the former won it while the latter finished third. So with this in mind, the ear ring-wearing rocker has landed on the correct side of the
Imagine spending a day in topsy-turvy world, where hot snow falls up and hamburgers eat people and Ronaldinho isn’t fat. In this magical land, the world’s finest WAGs would no longer be able to spend their time melting credit cards in exclusive boutiques or splashing around in the type of swimwear that your girlfriend would never wear in a million years. Instead, they’d have to graft it out on the football pitch, with Sepp Blatter constantly berating them about the length of their shorts.
With that strange vision in mind, The Spoiler has compiled an entire team of Euro 2008’s supporting ladies, starting with Gianluigi Buffon’s shot-stopping lovely…
