Someone needs a new lover…

Well, that Nereida Gallardo’s at it again - stomping around on beaches showing the world her bosoms. As reiterated on numerous occasions, The Spoiler has a degree in womanology, and she’s showing all the signs of a lady pining for her ex: showing off her bod, pretending to kiss other men, getting a tattoo on her wrist to show her devotion, frolicking with women (pictured). The girl is in bits.

To catch the latest pics, go to The Sun. Or to relive some old days, here’s her doing the whole topless thing about a week ago.

Oooh, look who’s back…

Fingers crossed, after 74 days languishing in a depressing prison cell, Joey Barton might stop and think before he decides to slam his bloodied fists into innocent people’s faces again. Today, he can breathe his first taste of fear-free air, having surely spent the last two months dodging hooligans, and teaching himself philosophy.

In the spirit of forgiveness, The Spoiler has compiled a list of things that Barton won’t know about because he was too busy eating stodgy mashed potato, walking in circles, and doing whatever else it is that people do in prison…

1. Big Brother 9 started, and Dale - who’s from Liverpool too - thought it totally fine to tell the whole nation that he was going to “nail” some “fanny” if at all possible.

2. Nadal won Wimbledon. Seriously.

3. Wayne Rooney put his frantic bachelor days behind him, and finally made an honest man of Coleen.

4. Summer came and went.

5. Nereida Gallardo, who was probably all the talk in chokey, got them out.

6. No one missed you.

7. Except Kevin Keegan.

8. But he’s an idiot.

And we know exactly what it is…

[click picture to enlarge]

As mentioned many times before, The Spoiler is a woman expert. We can read all the signals - the sighs, the yelling, the weeping in the bathroom, the kissing. Hence, when Nereida Gallardo parades her bosoms about a Mallorcan beach, we know exactly what she’s up to - she’s trying to makes us (or more specifically, Cristiano Ronaldo) jealous.

All the time she was with Ronaldo, there wasn’t a beachy breast in sight, barely even a stray nipple, but now that he’s hopped into bed with a steamy Italian woman, she can barely even keep them in. In woman’s speak this would be called “showing that stupid bastard what he’s missing”. And she’d mean it.

Be afraid, gentlemen.

More disturbing images after the jump…