Let’s try and avoid gags about ‘playing the ball’

Dutch youngster Roy Beerens (right) clearly went to the Vinnie Jones school of getting to grips with opposing players. Muchos thank yous to Eugenia for the spot.

Click here to see the full Sporno gallery

Who produces the world’s finest WAGs - America, or Europe?

After Abbey Clancy’s convincing victory in the transatlantic WAG battle yesterday, the penultimate round sees a former NFL cheerleader take on a TV presenter whose marriage to Rafael van der Vaart was broadcast live on Dutch television…

Round Nine: Christy Cooley/ Sylvie van der Vaart

[click the image to get a better view]

More pictures of Cristy here, more of Sylvie here

Attraction to all things orange leads supporters into trouble

Up until Holland’s impromptu exit from Euro 2008 at the weekend, Switzerland’s National Railway had told its workers to stop wearing orange reflective jackets. According to Reuters, Dutch fans, presumably high and transfixed on their army of good looking supporters (see above), are inexplicably attracted to anyone or anything sporting their national colour:

Switzerland’s national railway has told its workers to stop using their normal orange reflective vests after confused Dutch soccer fans started following them on to the tracks.

A railway spokesman said the changed strip had been prompted by an incident in the Swiss capital Berne when a group of Netherlands supporters followed a worker on to the lines after mistaking his uniform for their traditional orange dress.

As a solution to this problem, the railway folk have been donning vests lent to them by the Police instead. The colour? Bright yellow. Let’s hope there’s no more Swedes knocking about in the neutral country…

[Reuters via WithLeather]

National team are better than Holland and Portugal, apparently

Despite not qualifying for that big tournament thing that’s happening at the moment, the English national side have jumped from eleventh to ninth place on the FIFA World Rankings. Bizarrely, Capello’s men have have switched places Portugal. You know, the side who did qualify for Euro 2008 and who won their group:

1. Argentina 1559
2. Brazil 1513
3. Italy 1424
4. Spain 1303
5. Germany 1274
6. Czech Republic 1246
7. France 1143
8. Greece 1133
9. England 1123
10. Netherlands 1111

We’ve probably earned some points by defeating low-ranked teams like Trinidad & Tobago, but how does this put us above the Netherlands and Portugal? Does anyone even care about FIFA rankings? Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer? Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word? So many questions, so little time…

[soccerway]

French find themselves up baguette creek without a croissant

After Franck Ribery dropped to the ground in agony, clutching those around him as if he were frantically uttering his final words, the Italians were destined to control last night’s Group B match. Still, France boss Raymond Domenech considered the defeat a ‘beautiful moment’ and found time to propose to his girlfriend live on French TV straight after the final whistle. Maybe he can put his impending payoff from his employers towards the wedding.

Despite Adrian Mutu’s attempts at covering every position on the pitch, the Romanians couldn’t break down Holland’s B team.

Car company capture spirit of cheating in Euro 2008 advert

If Les Bleus are attempting to befriend their Dutch cousins so that they may show them some mercy in their final group game tonight, they’re going about it the wrong way.

Why have Toyota chosen to pick on the Oranje in this advert anyway? Sure, Arjen Robben goes down like a sack of shit when the breeze blows, but no one hates the Dutch. (Well, except Michael Caine in that third Austin Powers film.)

It’s the Italians they should be accusing of foul play. If you need to know why, check out Alberto Gilardino’s beaut of a fall against Celtic after the jump…

Dutchman forced to choose between country and future club career

Dutch boss Marco van Basten is perfectly within his rights to field a weakened team against Romania tonight (”It’s not against the rules, it’s a fact of life,” said UEFA spokesman William Gaillard), and eliminating the possibility of meeting France or Italy in the semi-finals would appear to be a wise move. However, former Italy gaffer Cesare Maldini has claimed the Dutchman can forget about coaching in Milan if he rolls over Portugal-stylee tonight:

“Van Basten has a two year contract [with Ajax after the Euros] but I know that after he wants to come to coach in Italy.

“Will it be at Milan? We will see. But for sure he will want to arrive in Italy with a clean slate, and he cannot do this by losing to the Romanians on purpose.”

The word ‘vendetta’ comes from Italian (I know, I was surprised too), so there’s little chance the boot-shaped nation will forgive and forget the coach if he fields a weakened side against Adrian Mutu and co tonight. But will he succumb to Italian pressure? Is he even interested in the AC Milan job? Let us all know your thoughts with a comment below.

[Goal.com]

Raymond Domenech subscribes to chickendinner’s theory

France boss Raymond Domenech has started to crack under the pressure of being pretty rubbish, and has admitted he fears Holland will conspire to cost Italy and France a place in the next round.

Holland have been cleared to play a weakened team against Romania and if they lose, Romania progressahead of Italy and France as runners-up, with the Dutch still topping the group, which could prove convenient for Marco Van Basten’s side when the semi-finals arrive.

Domenech, rambling like a madman consumed by paranoia, said:

“Our game against Italy will not be decisive. It’s the other match that matters. My opinion is Holland will make wholesale changes for the game on Tuesday night and it is already written that Romania will qualify with them from the group.”

Of course what he neglects to mention is the only reason Romania control their fate is that France were awful against them and had they actually beaten Romania, then their destiny would be in their own hands…

Fancy a punt on tonigh’s Euro action? Head over to chickendinner for the best stats and betting information first

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Game: Fancy driving a mini into Alan Shearer’s face? Or anyone else for that matter? Take out your road rage on the world’s worst pundit without using any precious petrol right here.

Stupid offer: A Dutch shop offered €100 off the price of a €400 computer screen for each goal the Netherlands scored against Italy. Oops
[Lion In Oil]

Much less costly offer: A Vienna brewery has offered free beer for life to any Austria player to score in Euro 2008
[The Offside]

Shameless self promotion: Have you seen the Euro 2008 WAG XI? It’s dead good
[The Spoiler]

BMW’s new conecept car can change shape, a bit like Optimus Prime
[Grid Crasher]

The hottest fans of Euro 2008 so far, except for the last one who’s a bit fug
[Pies]

Big Phil is odds on for the Chelsea job
[chickendinner]

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Today’s link are brought to you in association with Bill O’Reilly, the only man on television who does not know what ‘to play us out’ means

Gillett and Hicks claim £1.4million in expenses from Liverpool for ‘flights’
[The Sun]

NSFW: Zoo’s Euro 2008 Strip-Off
[Zoo]

Premier League referees’ chief Keith Hackett says Ruud van Nistelrooy’s massively offside goal was actually onside
[BBC]

Don’t bet on Holland winning Euro 2008
[chickendinner]

Bad idea alert: WAG Jessica Simpson wants Tony Romo in her new music video
[NBC Dallas]

Pamela Anderson at the Canadian Grand Prix
[Grid Crasher]

Oranje prove too strong for World Champions

After the sheer boredom of watching one not-my-fault shrug of defiance after another in the France/ Romania game, we really needed something to stop Group C becoming the ‘Group of Dull’. Without the two best keepers in the tournament, this classic game would have had a much bigger scoreline. Great stuff.

After last night, the Netherlands’ odds on winning the competition were slashed to 11/2, putting them just behind Germany and Portugal as third favourites. Italy and their shaky defence (!), on the other hand, are all the way down at 12/1.

Also, it was great to see that Materazzi was the first player to be pulled off at the Wankdorf.

Netherlands/ Italy, Euro 2008 Group C, 7.45pm, ITV1, bet here

In addition to their reputation as divers, cheats, boring and old, Italy are known for being slow-starters when it comes to the big tournaments - a strange fact considering they have won their opening game at three of their last four international tournaments. Today they’ll make it four out of five. Here’s why:

1. Italy have not suffered defeat in their last ten competitive fixtures, winning nine and drawing one.

2. And they have won seven of their last eight international outings, scoring two or more on all but one occasion.

3. Italy have have not lost their opening fixture in the last three European Championships.

4. Holland have twice been beaten in their last four competitive outings - against Belarus and Romania in qualifying.

For the other compelling reasons and to lay a few cheeky bets, head over to chickendinner post haste