Beckham adheres to New Zealand stereotype

[Picture: Simon Runting/ Daily Mail]

In order to be granted entry to New Zealand, one must agree to either rent a camper van, perform a traditional Flight of the Conchords routine or do a bungee jump. While on tour with David Beckham Utd down under, Mr B opted for the latter, and promptly threw himself off of Auckland’s Harbour Bridge.

Becks enjoyed the freefall experience so much, that he immediately asked to do it again with a longer chord, allowing him to needlessly remove his shirt to be dunked into the water.

New Zealand’s greatest non-Flight of the Conchords export

Best known for a fifteen-year marriage to old dinosaur Rod Stewart, Kiwi beauty Rachel Hunter has also graced the bedroom of several prominent NHL stars, earning her the coveted “Puck Bunny” title.

She enjoyed a lengthy relationship with Sean Avery, the chap serving a ban for taunting colleague Dion Phaneuf for romancing his “sloppy seconds”, Elisha Cuthbert. Rachel is currently engaged to LA Kings star Jarret Stroll, thirteen years her junior. Apparently, age really isn’t an issue for this lady.

Rugger overshadowed by bizarre rituals

When it comes to entertaining empty stadiums, our antipodean friends are world leaders. Before New Zealand faced Australia in the ongoing Rugby League World Cup in Sydney, the Kiwi Haka was pitted against a traditional Aboriginal war dance, which essentially consisted of a man in a thong shouting things.

After the impressive display, the commentator says “That was better than Billy Idol!”, obviously mistaking Billy Idol for something good.

(In the unlikely case that you deem it important, Australia won the match 30-6.)

[Deadspin]

This is what egg chasers call ‘banter’

We think this snap is taken from a New Zealand/ South Africa rugger match, but if anyone can confirm this they will win a super special prize*.

Click here to see the full Sporno gallery

*Super special prize may in fact be a bit rubbish

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The best sports on the telebox this weekend

Tonight is all about the League One Play-off semi-final between Doncaster and Southend. Much like the bookies, The Spoiler believes Donny will send the Essex boys packing at Keepmoat tonight. Disagree? Put yer money where yer mouth is, hot shot.

It’s another packed weekend of sport, so stay out of the rain and enjoy the following:

FRIDAY

Cricket
England/ New Zealand First Test (Sky Sports 1, from 10.30am) - chickendinner betting preview
Mumbai Indians/ Kolkata Knight Riders (Setanta Sports 1, 3.30pm)

League One Play-off Semi-final
Doncaster Rovers/ Southend Utd (Sky Sports 1, 7.45pm)

SATURDAY

Cricket
England/ New Zealand First Test (Sky Sports 2, from 10.30am) - chickendinner betting preview
Rajasthan Royals/ Bangalore Royal (Setanta Sports 2, 11.30am)
Delhi Daredevils/ Kings XI Punjab (Setanta Sports 1, 3.30pm)

Scottish Premier League
Motherwell/ Rangers (Setanta Sports 1, 12.30pm)

FA Cup Final
Cardiff City/ Portsmouth (BBC1, 3pm) - chickendinner betting preview

The best sports on the telebox tonight

No, it hasn’t been some sort of four-day-weekend deluded fantasy - the England team are about to claim the New Zealand test series. Piling on an England victory at 1/25 will get you full marks for belated patriotism, but little financial return. So, unless a punt on the World Women’s Curling Championship revs your engine (British Eurosport at 9.15pm if you’re evening plans are that depressing), the only other sporting action on the box tonight comes in the form of Northwhich Victoria’s visit to York City. To get the best odds on the Blue Square Premier tie, visit the oddschicken.

Blue Square Premier
York City/ Northwich Victoria (Setanta Sports 1, 7.45pm)

Cricket: Third Test
New Zealand/ England (Sky Sports 1, 9pm)

Third Test, Friday 21st, 10pm, bet here

Exciting developments in the world of organ transplants: people receiving the transplanted organs have been found to take on the personalities of the donors. After receiving the kidney of a brainy person, soap fan Cheryl Johnson, 37, suddenly found herself more interested in Egyptology and the novels of Dostoevsky. A woman previously terrified of heights became a climber after a transplant, and a child who received the heart of a murder victim suddenly started having terrible nightmares (expect horror franchise on this theme shortly.)

The England cricket team in New Zealand was also just one game away from needing an emergency talent transplant as a last throw of the dice - their ability to play competitively