Zidane - rejected

Everyone makes mistakes. Eastenders, for example, featured SNOW last night - an error that either suggests an intriguing micro-climate that exists in East London, or simply dismantles any suspension of disbelief, leaving even the most hardened viewers very suddenly aware that they are just watching a bunch of spoilt actors reciting lines and pretending to care, months ago.

It sounds like a small mistake, but seriously, it’s huge. They might as well have introduced flying taxi cabs, or Daleks drinking in the Vic.

But, whilst Eastenders will definitely survive this outrageous cock-up, and people will forget, football agent Barry Silkman will presumably fight broken sleeps for the rest of his life. As reported by great friends of the site, Dirty Tackle, he once failed to convince Newcastle to buy Zinedine Zidane.

Alan Shearer - loves apples, hates cartoons

Next time you’re watching Alan Shearer on MOTD, take a moment to close your eyes. Keep them closed. Listen to his voice, hear his deep, lilting, almost expressionless words as he explains that scoring goals is what wins football matches. Or how getting a red card can have a negative impact on a match.

Really concentrate on how he sounds, then try to picture in your mind’s eye “the real Alan Shearer” - not the man on the sofa in the shiny slacks, but the man who is sometimes alone, emotionally raw, stripped down, both metaphorically, and actually. Who is Alan Shearer? That’s what everyone wants to know.

And thanks to today’s Guardian, great strides have been made to determine the man behind the pundit. What was his childhood like? Does he like his veg? Did cartoons ever make him happy? You can find out all of this and more, in a wonderful extract from the interview (after the jump):

Including a certain Chuckle Brother…

With Sol Campbell back at Arsenal, it got The Spoiler to thinking about all of the players who have returned to their old clubs for another stab at the big time. Below is a compiled team of those who couldn’t quite put the past behind them. 

Just missing the cut were: Robbies Fowler and Keane, Mark Hughes, Peter Crouch, David Dunn, Jermain Defoe, John Lukic, Paul Parker and Martin Keown. Can you think of any more? Let us know with a comment.

Goalkeeper, Mark Bosnich (Manchester United 1989-1992, 1999-2001)

Unfortunately for Mark Bosnich, his second bite of the Man United cherry was probably even more bitter than the first. First time around he managed just three matches, and missed out on the squads that tasted success in the FA and European Cup Winner’s cups, and during his second stay, his chips were rather urinated on by the clown-prince of keepers, Fabien Barthez. He went on to supermodel-and-drugs notoriety.

Legal battle dishes dirt on footballer’s ridiculous spending habits…

A court battle between ex-Newcastle striker Obafemi Martins and his former management company has revealed he was regularly skint … despite earning £75,000 a week.

NVA Management, who are suing for £300,000, have accused the “25-year-old” of regularly drawing out £40k on the weekends then taking another £25k on Monday mornings — leaving himself continually overdrawn.

According to the Daily Mail, a lawyer representing NVA claims Martins was also too lazy to bother chasing up sponsorship deals, meaning his name and image were being used without him receiving any coin:

Pot. Kettle. Black

“I suppose nothing surprises me about the current regime, so news they are ready to sell the naming rights isn’t exactly a shock. Whatever next? Why don’t they just go the whole hog and change the name of the club itself? Fans will be horrified, angry and upset about this. They’ve had to put up with a lot in recent months, but this is just another blow.”

Indeed, but who to blame? Well, on selling his shares in Newcastle two years ago to err…. Mike Ashley, Shepherd commented:

“The board believes Mike Ashley will be an excellent custodian of Newcastle United’s heritage and will provide the best possible opportunity for the club to flourish in the future, to the benefit of the company and its fans.”

How’s the whole heritage preservation thing going then Freddie?

Scorched Earth football style

The last time Newcastle United made permanent a caretaker manager’s stint, Glenn Roeder was the beneficiary, as he managed to wangle an extra year of shuffling nervously along the touchline. He signed Antoine Sibierski and Olivier Bernard, finished 13th in the table and contrived to lose 5-1 at home to Birmingham City in the FA Cup. What’s more, demonstrations against the Shepherd regime throughout the season, ironically served to usher in the new chairman.

Nevertheless, the past must be a foreign country to Mike Ashley, as he has rewarded caretaker Chris Hughton with an 18 month deal, for unconvincingly managing to keep the best squad of players at the top of their division by a single point.

Yet as anyone who has visited some of his sport shops will know, Ashley isn’t one to leave in tact any fragment of class. Hence his subsequent announcement that naming rights for SJP (not Sarah Jessica Parker - pay attention) are up for grabs. Leave your suggestions below Mackems…

The boyhood teams of some the game’s biggest names

Generally speaking, Premier League footballers are well advised to be discreet about the team they truly support. Nowhere is this more evident than in the case of David Bentley, a supposed lifelong Arsenal fan who suddenly professed to be a boyhood Spurs fan upon switching to the north London side. With this imprudent declaration in mind, Spoiler correspondent Ben Baker has rounded up ten footballers whose loyalties don’t necessarily lay with their employers…

Andrei Arshavin
Despite only recently joining the Gunners, fan favourite Arshavin has never hidden the fact that Barcelona are and always have been his team of choice. He has said he was devastated when a move to the Catalan giants never fully materialised when he was at Zenit and has even stated that he would love to play for Barca since he has been at Arsenal. Now if that isn’t a ploy to gain a bigger contract…

John Terry
Mr. Chelsea didn’t make it to Manchester City in the end this summer. Many Chelsea fans will like to think that it is because he is Blue through and through. However, Terry was actually a Manchester Utd fan growing up. Could this be why he couldn’t bring himself to join the Citizens?

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer
The baby faced assassin made a name for himself at Manchester Utd,

The stars who have enjoyed facing their previous employers

This weekend, a whole host of players faced their former employers, most notably Emmanuel Adebayor at Eastlands and Dimitar Berbatov at White Hart Lane. Face kicking and celebrating aside, the former put in a performance that truly represented his stunning talent (something which was somewhat of a rarity during his final months at Arsenal), while the latter moped around and fluffed numerous chances (prompting the chant “That’s why we sold you!” - a chorus only bettered by the  “You’re not signing any more!” that Chelsea received at Stoke).

With these acrimonious encounters in mind, Spoiler correspondent Liam Jarvis has selected his top five players who have enjoyed facing the teams that used to sign their puffed-up pay cheques…

William Gallas
The tantrum-prone Frenchman scored the winning header from a Cesc Fabregas corner to beat Chelsea 1-0 back in 2007. The goal ended a 3-year winless streak against their London rivals.

Alan Shearer
Alan Shearer marked his 300th club career goal in perfect fashion, a simple penalty against former side Blackburn in 2002.