Newcastle boss believes the traditional handshake is so passé
As Harry Enfield’s ‘Big Bob Joylove’ proved beyond reasonable doubt, nothing endears you to a rival, colleague or casual acquaintance quite like a good pat on the face.
Kevin Keegan is a strong advocate of palm-to-cheek affection, and has been avoiding the handshakes of players and managers up and down the country since his nineties prime.
Take a look at the inspirational gallery below and remember - why shake someone’s hand when you could invade their personal space?
Middlesbrough managed to pull themselves away from a relegation scrap at the right time, but they’ll have just enough rope to hang themselves next season if they bring Paul Robinson on board. Here’s today’s rumours from the north east and beyond:
Thierry Henry to Arsenal
While the BBC have shown us video of Henry himself saying the only Premier League club he would play for is Arsenal, The Sun chose to print a quote-free, substance-free story insisting he was going to Newcastle to be the new Alan Shearer. Bad timing, red top rumour monkeys.
Antonio Valencia to Liverpool
It must have been a nervy morning for Liverpool fans as they heard Rafa Benitez wanted to sign a Wigan player - “please don’t bring Heskey back” - luckily for them, Rafa is looking to sign his hundredth winger instead.
Aaron Lennon to Manchester City
City have never really got over the loss of Shaun Wright-Phillips to Chelsea’s reserve team, so now they plan to bring in the half-an-inch shorter replica.
Paul Robinson to Middlesbrough
Gareth Southgate has shown what he learnt when playing under Steve McLaren by choosing to replace his Champions League-bound keeper Mark Schwarzer with the seemingly Championship-bound
On February 1st, The Spoiler audaciously suggested Newcastle would be involved in a relegation battle. Despite statistical evidence, some of the more sensitive Geordies took great offense to the implication that they could finish in the bottom three, but now most are accepting King Kev will have very sweaty palms for the final nine games.
In addition to our original prophecy of doom, here’s a few more reasons why The Toon could be about to drop like Danielle Lloyd’s underwear:
» Newcastle still have the worst form in the league. In the last eight games, even perpetual strugglers Derby have amassed more points (three) than them (two).
» If all the teams transfer their form into their remaining games from the same number of proceeding games then Newcastle will go down. The league table would look like this:
The Magpies are slowly crumbling, but do you care?
Newcastle haven’t won a league game in over two months and their current form is the worst in the Premier League, save for relegation candidates Reading.
They are a popular club with a passionate and likable fanbase and an equally passionate and likable manager. So why does nobody appear to have any sympathy for them?
How do you feel about it all? Cast your vote and comment below.
Newcastle boss finds some uncommon ground to help players bond
According to today’s Sun newspaper, Kevin Keegan is tired of his players listening to music they like on their iPods. In order to bring morale to an all-time low, he is planning on pumping music from local acts into the dressing room:
“He wants something that everyone can listen to and get psyched up to.”
Midfielder devises cunning plan to waste more of Newcastle’s money
Joey Barton’s post-Christmas ‘leave of absence’ has cost his club over £200k in wages, and now he has found another way of depriving his club of liquidity.
Barton was given bail on the condition that he remain under the supervision of the Sporting Chance clinic in Hampshire, and to curb his behavioural problems, he must observe a curfew between
The best sports programming on the telebox this weekend
The week after Chelsea lost Mourinho, they were charged with the task of getting a result at old Trafford in a televised game. Big Sam-less Newcastle now face exactly the same situation, but will they suffer the same
It’s that unmistakable time of year when Christmas decorations come down and minnow clubs up and down the land build up a huge sense of false expectation. This morning’s Sun backs Southern League Division One side Chasetown with a back page and double-page spread, but will support from the country’s most-loved red top be enough to overcome Cardiff? See how they fare in Saturday’s Match of the Day, and catch
The best sports programming on the telebox this evening
It would be harsh to dismiss a manager upon losing to the undefeated league leaders, but nevertheless this is the kind of hot water Sam ‘I stole Christmas’ Allardyce finds himself in. If seeing the demise of a highly successful man isn’t your cup of tea, Everton are welcoming the Russians to Goodison tonight for some UEFA Cup jollity.
Newcastle Utd/ Arsenal (Sky Sports 1, 7.45pm)
Everton v Zenit St Petersburg (ITV4, 7.45pm)
