Hide your faces in shame…

Ug, is there anything worse than having all of your dreams shattered? The short answer is, of course, no, no there isn’t. Yet every year we get all excited and start hailing new saviours for the England football team, here to finally banish a million years of pain. Players like Barnes, Collymore, Gareth Barry, Walcott.

These men came to us like mighty footballing Christs, then gave us nothing but salty tears.

Yeah, thanks a lot, guys. Here’s the worst of the bunch…

GK Chris Kirkland
When Kirkland joined Liverpool in 2001, people went mental, insisting that he was the future England keeper, and would be for hundreds of years to come. Then he kept getting injured, and now Capello has more faith in David James, an 86-year-old gentleman who Liverpool fans once derided for being totally rubbish.

DL Wayne Bridge
What a breath of fresh air Bridge was when he was careering up and down the flanks at Southampton. Some even suggested that he might be better than that hateful little toad, Ashley Cole. Unfortunately, even Wayne Bridge wasn’t buying that one, and he now spends his days earning money for doing nothing, which makes him a total loser/genius.

Proof that clubs are willing to pay much more for domestic goods

The national team couldn’t muster the will to qualify for Euro 2008, but somehow clubs continue to demand mega money for home grown talent. With David Bentley costing a princely sum, Gareth Barry’s non-negotiable fee and Andy Johnson’s imminent trade, it’s clear that players are far too expensive if they were born on this tiny island.

Hence, we think the time is right to consider ten of the most overpriced Englishman currently plying their trade in the Premier League, comparing their lofty prices with some better value foreign equivalents…

Shaun Wright-Phillips
Manchester City were heartbroken to lose their star player to Chelsea, but in hindsight getting £21 million was fantastic business. Four league goals in three seasons compared to ten in his last year at Citeh highlights his failure to step up.
Foreign equivalent: Amantino Mancini to Inter - £10 million

Owen Hargreaves
£17 million might not have been too steep for a 26-year-old midfielder, but his failure to dislodge Michael Carrick, his predecessor in the overpriced stakes, shows he has yet to live up to his price-tag.
Foreign equivalent: Yaya Toure to Barcelona - just over £7 million

Scott Parker
The midfielder moved from Charlton to Chelsea to Newcastle and then to West Ham for a combined fee of £23.5 million, but has still managed just three England caps. Injury limited Parker to 17 league starts last season, meaning West Ham are yet to receive value for their £7 million investment.
Foreign equivalent: Tim Cahill to Everton - £1.5 million

Dave Kitson
The ginger striker’s invaluable contribution to Reading’s relegation battle was

Bringing the gift of toplessness to the Midlands

In many ways, it is depressing to be involved with Aston Villa. Although they’re a great club with brilliant supporters and a rich heritage, the midlands side never make an impression on the top four, yet they’re far too good to fall into the bottom half of the table. Plus, supporters and players generally must live in or around the Birmingham area. Yet it’s not all gloom and middle-of-the-top-half tedium for those involved with Martin O’Neill’s side - Midfielder Nigel Reo-Coker drives a Mustang, has a brilliant surname and gets to steamroller Page 3 girl Ruth Reynolds on a regular basis.