It’s Cristiano Ronaldo’s new American BFF

Vapid hotel heiress and socialite Paris Hilton needs no introduction, but it looks like she’s getting one anyway. The singer, actress, model, entreprenuer and amatuer bongo star has dabbled in the world of Waggery  - enjoying relationships with Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart and former baseball pro Doug Reinhardt - but enters the big leagues this week after snaring Cristiano Ronaldo at an LA nightclub.   

Manchester Utd star lives it up in fancy Vegas club

While representing the nation of Britain abroad, our fine citizens do their best to assimilate themselves with local culture, being careful not to impinge British values on the natives.

With this in mind, Wes Brown took his stag party to über-cool Las Vegas nightclub Lavo, where they partied in a VIP area adorned with a huge Union Jack flag.

Two of the world’s biggest libidos collide in LA

One is an over-sexed fame hungry whore who will do anything for attention, and the other is Paris Hilton.

In news that will surprise absolutely no one, Cristiano Ronaldo celebrated his transfer to Real Madrid in the company of one of America’s biggest waste of blood and organs.

By means of an incredible coincidence which could not have been pre-arranged, the Portuguese man-o-sex chanced upon the blonde heiress at Hollywood nightclub My House, where the tricky winger spent around £15,000 on drinks. Always one to slay the dragon named dignity, Miss Hilton draped herself over the him for the rest of the evening, allowing her black dress to ride up somewhere near her armpits.

Soon after, the pair headed to a Hollywood mansion owned by Paris’ sister Nicky. Due to the fact that Hollywood mansions are very cramped and curtains have yet to be introduced in the continental United States, they had no choice but to parade themselves in front of a window that looked out onto the waiting paparazzi. After around two hours in the home of US royalty, C-Ron was driven away.

Has he found a new love? Has he been given another reason to visit the VD clinic? Stay tuned on The Spoiler to find out!

How to attract the ladies like a Liverpool captain

One would imagine that a handsome devil like Steven Gerrard would have to beat the ladies off with a shit-covered stick, but the Liverpool star has revealed that he played the role of a nightclub tail chaser in his youth.

Instead of targeting the top talent and facing the possibility of humiliating rejection, Gerrard says he used to focus his energies on the more aesthetically challenging members of the opposite sex. “Go ugly, avoid the rush,” was the maxim he lived by when single.

Day-glo WAG Alex Curran must be delighted by this sexy admission.

Spurs captain slays the dragon named Dignity

In the early hours of Sunday morning, professional sportsman Ledley King saw fit to launch an alleged alcohol-fuelled racist attack on a nightclub bouncer. For his troubles, he spent a night in a police cell, where, according to sources, he continued to proclaim his superiority over the rest of humanity through tearful eyes:

The drunk Spurs captain “cried and sobbed” in a police cell after trying in vain to get officers to let him go, it was said.

Two men being dealt with at the same station said the star alternately ranted and pleaded with the cops, bragging that he earned £83,000 a week.

They claimed the England ace - arrested after a nightclub row - shouted at the sergeant: “Boss man, boss man, I don’t deserve to be here - I’m rich.”

“Boss man”? Was Ledley locked up on the Green Mile or something?

One of the witnesses was also keen to stress that the Tottenham star lost control of his bodily functions

Serial WAG receives comeuppance for destroying relationship

News of the World readers will have been shocked to the core to read that  Danielle Lloyd - the glamour model who is passed around the Premier League like currency - has been accused of stealing someone else’s footballer boyfriend.

Spurs star Jamie O’Hara was in a relationship with model Sade Metcalfe for four years, but was recently snared by Miss Lloyd’s “charms” (read: “big fake boobs”). Scorned WAG Sade only discovered the infidelity when she saw the pair at it on TV, and to make matters worse, the midfielder has taken back the £28,000 Mercedes he gave his former love.

Over the weekend, Sade made her feelings towards the perpetual footballer boffer very clear. According to The Sun, the pair confronted one another at Essex nightclub Funkmojoe, and Dani received an unwelcome punch to the face, leaving her with a cut lip:

A scuffle broke out with friends of Sade, 23, and Danielle claims one smashed her in the face

Philippe Mexès scuffles with the wrong guy

When enjoying the sights and sounds of a nightclub, professional footballers often like to express themselves via the medium of punching people in the face - just ask Marlon King or Inter’s Luis Jimenez.

Roma defender Philippe Mexès, however, was not cautious in selecting a sparring partner in an Italian nightclub on Sunday night. The Frenchman - whose daughter was taken away by carjackers last summer - is in hospital after a bout of fisticuffs with a boxer:

Rome-based radio station Rete Sport has claimed this morning that Roma centre-back Philippe Mexes was involved in a scuffle with a boxer last night.

The incident apparently happened at the renowned Gilda dance club. It is reported that the 26-year-old had a heated discussion with this individual and a brawl ensued.

Fellow Roma star and aggressive Frenchman Jeremy Menez was also at the scene, and the pair claimed to have been assaulted by Lazio fans. The footballers have not pressed charges and Mexès have since been discharged from hospital.

[Goal.com via Dirty Tackle]

City forward continues to do things in his spare time

Robinho has been spotted here, there and everywhere in the past fortnight. The Brazilian man-o’-sex has absorbed some culture at the British Museum, taken in a concert by Chris Brown, and according to our besties at Popbitch, he paid a visit to one of Yorkshire’s finest evening entertainment venues:

Robinho went out to Space nightclub in Leeds this week. The bouncers didn’t recognise the 160-grand-a-week star and turned him away for wearing a tracksuit. Rather than throw his weight around with a “don’t you know who I am?” Robinho went back to his hotel and got changed. He then went back to Space with his agent and a couple of other players. The manager cordoned off an area of the club for them. The group then ordered up a load of champagne, happily dishing it out to everyone around them in the club. Robinho left a 400 quid tip for his waiter, and promised to come back as he said he found it difficult to go out in Manchester. Staff said he was “very down to earth. Friendly but tiny.”