“Just do what you do, week in, week out”

The cracks are starting to appear. He might have a stern craggy face that you could race ants around and the “don’t mess with me, man” attitude, but if you look really closely, Fabio Capello mightn’t be a million miles away in kind from moon-faced McClaren and his goons.

We all know that McClaren was from the “just do what you do, week in, week out” school of football management - which, essentially, is not coaching, it’s like telling an artist to “just paint or something” - and, terrifyingly, it appears that Capello is cut from exactly the same cloth.

“Fabio speaks with me before each game and says he wants me to emulate my Liverpool form,” said Steven Gerrard in yesterday’s press conference, “that’s also what I want, but it’s not happening.”

Translated from Italian, that’s: “just do what you do, week in, week out.”

Nooooooooo!

Ex-WAG still fascinates us…

Every single human being has lived through the traumatic night terror about arriving at work having forgotten to get dressed properly.Your colleagues laugh at you, pointing at your pathetic spotty boxer shorts, your weedy legs, their cackles lodging in your brain, never going away. Taunting you at nighttime. Hence, The Spoiler’s heart goes out to Danielle Lloyd - famous for servicing the sexual wants of Teddy Sheringham - who opened an Ultimo Shop in Debenhams in Dudley with just her bra on (pictured), exhibiting a curious mile-wide cleavage. Clusters of guffawing photographers were on hand to catch her putting a brave orange face on things, weirdly.

Chin up, Lloyd. Chin up.

Time to jump ship, Spurs fans?

What a horrendous start to the season. Poor Spurs. Pre-season hinted towards a brighter day, with Darren Bent providing some decent form to sooth the inevitable loss of Berbs along with Keano. But it’s all gone awry. To the point where Ramos couldn’t even squeeze Bent into the starting line up against Portsmouth, while, as if to add insult to injury, it was two ex-Tottenham strikers who sealed a south coast victory. Has one man ever been more unlucky?

Our pals at Chickendinner have come up with five reasons to get even more depressed - avid supporters, look away now…

» Five of the last six clubs to have failed to win any of their opening six Premier League games have been relegated. The team that survived – West Brom in 2004-05 – didn’t fare much better, going into the final day in last place before completing a great escape.

» In each of the last six seasons, the team that have been bottom after five games has gone on to be relegated: West Ham, Wolves, Crystal Palace, Sunderland, Sheffield United and Derby.

Footballer trains in his knickers…. 

We’ve all been there - turn up at work in just your underpants, everyone starts acting weird, you reluctantly put some bottoms on.