Who’s next?

‘The Away Days Gang’ - the infamous group(s) of armed raiders who ‘earn’ their coin targeting north-west based footballers playing away matches - have been caught slipping lately, apparently having forgotten Phil Jagielka hasn’t kicked a ball in six months.

However, their ingenious ruse is still winning fans amongst the robbing community in the south-east. According to Essex police, career crims have been lining up to pilfer from Essex’s finest, with a spate of identical ‘away days’ burglaries breaking out. Hide the Baby Bentleys!