Giants playing catch…

While The Spoiler danced the summer of 1992 away in a field with a mob of gurning trustafarians, over in Barcelona some of the planet’s finest basketball players were showcasing their sport. Big names like Larry Bird, Patrick Ewing, Magic Johnson, Scottie Pippen and Sir Michael Jordan bounced and soared their way to an Olympic gold medal, and the whole of the world went basketball crazy. For about a week.

Even the posh kids with dreadlocks.

Two legends to be joined by insignificant reality TV series winner

At the closing ceremony of the Olympic Games, the next host traditionally performs a presentation showcasing how bloody brilliant they are. Picking up the London 2012 mantle at next Sunday’s epic display in Beijing will be a football legend, a rock god and some girl who won X Factor:

It is set to be one of the most mind-blowing spectacles ever. David [Beckham]was elated to be asked to take part, as was everyone who has been invited.”Having a rock god like Jimmy Page and a singer like Leona Lewis performing together for the first time will certainly be something to remember.

“The amount of planning is staggering. It will be truly momentous - and a fitting send-off as London takes up the 2012 challenge.”

Apparently, Beckham will enter the Bird’s Nest stadium on a Routemaster double decker bus with London Mayor Boris

Stand aside people, legend coming through…

In 1984, everyone wanted to be American. Playgrounds were awash with young boys sporting Michael Jackson’s one glove, girls skipping around in Madonna wedding dresses. And, lurking in the corner somewhere near the bike sheds were the kids who wanted to be Carl Lewis. They were essentially brilliant at absolutely everything, but totally lacking in social skills. That summer, the great man equaled Jesse Owens’ record of four gold medals (100m, 200m, long jump, relay), whilst simultaneously convincing the planet that his superhuman arrogance was a little bit abhorrent. In the above clip, legendary funny man Eddie Murphy does an impression.

Oh my god, they’re the same!

Ask any normal teenage boy to describe his ideal woman, and his bumbling description will be littered with specifics: a twin, blonde, Brazilian, bikini, around 19 or 20, synchronised swimmer. Which makes this discovery all the more amazing, because Bia and Branca are all those things and more. They are also Olympians… or, at least, they would have been had the good lord swung them a place in this year’s Brazilian swimming squad. They will, however, make the Olympics one day, The Spoiler is sure of it. Hence, we’ve deemed them worthy of inclusion.

Absolutely impossible to tell apart, both have the kind of taut angry bodies that old sea-dogs have been telling tales of for centuries, and when they’re submerged under gallons of chlorinated water, they can still move with the same grace as a professional not-underwater dancer. They are, in short, fantastic.

Enjoy more of them after the jump…

One for 2012, people

While we’re happy to live in the present, The Spoiler always has one eye open, glaring silently into the future. “Who will be the stars of tomorrow?” we whisper into our gins. And here’s one of the answers: Allison Stokke. She might not strictly be an Olympian right now, but damn it man, she will be one.

Allison’s specialty is the womanly art of pole vaulting, a sport which first came to prominence when a young royal had to leap over a hedge using a spear. It soon became a very popular playground game. As things stand, she’s one of the rising stars of US athletics, so expect to see her striding around London’s mini Olympic village come 2012.

And another one after the jump…

Man bumps head, crowd goes “ooooh”… 

Much of the Olympic Games takes place in the swimming baths. There’s the 100 metres Butterfly, synchronised swimming, bombing, petting, ducking, and, of course, diving. Back in the 1980s when absolutely everything was neon, one man ruled the boards - Greg Louganis. He’d taken two gold medals at the Los Angeles Olympics in 1984, and in 1988 he managed the feat again, but not before enduring an almighty wallop in the qualifiers (above). Ouch, Greg!

WARNING: This woman CAN throw

For those uninitiated into US culture, softball is their version of women’s cricket. Unlike cricket, however, it’s considered worthy of Olympic inclusion, and Jennie is the proud owner of a shiny gold medal from the last games in Athens.

Besides being a glorious golden haired pitcher, Jennie has much to be proud of. Namely, her appearance on the American celebrity version of The Apprentice, where she came face-to-face with one of the world’s most ungodly bastards, Donald Trump - he fired her in January. She also has an interesting and athletic body, deemed worthy of inclusion in Sports Illustrated.

Terrific woman.

More handsome photographs after the jump…

Proof that sturdy women can be sensual too

Some people find it hard to see the point of the long jump - there’s a big sprint, a sandpit, some weird running in the air stuff. Those people have obviously never had to leap over a beached whale on a Cornish holiday. No matter, because above and beyond any of that, Jade Johnson is the point of the long jump. Such a glorious athletic body would make any sport worthwhile.

Thus far in her long illustrious career, she has picked up silver medals in the European and Commonwealth Games (both 2002), and at the last Olympics in Athens, she let the entire country down by coming seventh. A consistent jumper of around 6.5 meters, she will need an almighty leap to make the medals this year.

But, seriously, who gives one? The women is a goddess. A really really muscular goddess.

Another shocking picture after the jump…