Woman doesn’t need reflective strip to get noticed…
When people spoke of the future in olden times, their stories were cluttered with images of strange aerodynamic helmets, skin tight outfits fashioned from spandex, and zany metallic machines with wheels, handlebars, and a bell. What those prehistoric prophets didn’t realise was that what they were describing, almost exactly, was Victoria Pendleton, Great British cyclist.
Hailing from the shiny kingdom of Bedfordshire, Victoria is a champion track cyclist, and when she’s not going round and round in circles, she has been known to glam up for a sexy photo shoot or two. See the results after the jump…
Fans of the 1984 romantic comedy Splash (SPOILER ALERT: Tom Hanks becomes sexually attracted to a demi-fish) know just how sensual great swimmers can be. In that movie, the magnificent underwater flirt was Daryl Hannah, and in real life, it’s an Australian woman called Stephanie Rice - winner of the 400 metres individual medley at this year’s Olympics.
Aside from having just about every swimming badge you can imagine sewn onto her cozzie, Stephanie is recently single. Before the games she was going out with some chump called Eamon, but apparently they broke up about a month ago. Hence, she would definitely go out with you.
There was so much wrong about Hitler - the indie kid haircut, the Chaplin moustache, the ill fitting suits. Not to mention his massive racism issues and war waging. What was with that, Adolf? Seriously. Anyway, no matter, we killed him in the end, and all of his mean Nazi cohorts ended up looking like idiots. That all happened in about 1945, but it was a whole nine years earlier, in 1936, that a brilliant young black athlete called Jesse Owens kicked off the humiliation by beating a load of Aryans at running and jumping. He won four gold medals in Berlin.
Seriously guys, don’t ever get into a fight with a gymnast. They might look all cutesy with their tight clothes and great posture, but these people are all muscle and rage. They breakfast on raw eggs, they lunch on raw steak, and they down vanilla Nurishment like it was water. Yet, even so, some of them are still gentle on the eye. Like, Alicia Sacramone for example.
The 20-year-old American can do all kinds of wild and crazy things, like walk on a beam, do somersaults on mats, and in the picture below she is defying all logic by bending her body around like it were made of a taut jelly. She’s already enjoyed a silver medal at this year’s Olympics.
More pictures of a woman stretching after the jump…
In 1996 the whole of the country was gripped by a massive depression thanks to Gareth Southgate and his stupid foot. Why did he have to miss that penalty? Why? It could have been our year. Hence, pretty much everyone forgot that over in Atlanta, there was a whole Olympic Games thing happening - the star of the show being a man called Michael Johnson. A tremendous runner, he bagged gold medals in the 200 and 400 metres that year, all the while running in the style of a baddie from a Charlie Chaplin film. Hilarious - nice one, Michael.
Say what you like about God, but when it comes to balancing good and bad things he/she does a pretty decent job. For all the luxury we enjoy in Blighty, when it comes to hot female javelin throwers, we’re not doing too well (here’s proof). Likewise, while almost half of the population of Paraguay has to spend their every waking moment battling against crippling poverty, they get to send tremendous specimens like Leryn Franco to Beijing to throw javelins on their behalf.
Born in 1982, the slender young athlete isn’t just a strong right arm either, she’s also a very pretty face. She came second in Miss Paraguay in 2006 (losing out to this woman).
Photos of her not just lounging on a sofa after the jump…
In 1984, everyone wanted to be American. Playgrounds were awash with young boys sporting Michael Jackson’s one glove, girls skipping around in Madonna wedding dresses. And, lurking in the corner somewhere near the bike sheds were the kids who wanted to be Carl Lewis. They were essentially brilliant at absolutely everything, but totally lacking in social skills. That summer, the great man equaled Jesse Owens’ record of four gold medals (100m, 200m, long jump, relay), whilst simultaneously convincing the planet that his superhuman arrogance was a little bit abhorrent. In the above clip, legendary funny man Eddie Murphy does an impression.
Ask any normal teenage boy to describe his ideal woman, and his bumbling description will be littered with specifics: a twin, blonde, Brazilian, bikini, around 19 or 20, synchronised swimmer. Which makes this discovery all the more amazing, because Bia and Branca are all those things and more. They are also Olympians… or, at least, they would have been had the good lord swung them a place in this year’s Brazilian swimming squad. They will, however, make the Olympics one day, The Spoiler is sure of it. Hence, we’ve deemed them worthy of inclusion.
Absolutely impossible to tell apart, both have the kind of taut angry bodies that old sea-dogs have been telling tales of for centuries, and when they’re submerged under gallons of chlorinated water, they can still move with the same grace as a professional not-underwater dancer. They are, in short, fantastic.
It was Moscow, it was 1980, no Americans were there…
Back in the days before he became the right honorable Lord and Baron Sebastian Newbold Coe, this weedy-looking conservative was one hell of a long distance running oik. What marked out his 1500 metres triumph in 1980 was that he was up against Steve Ovett, a man of the people - hence, the nation was divided over who should take gold. Of course, as with everything in the 1980s, the snootiest runner won with all the good grace of a spiky young princess stealing toys from an orphanage.
For those uninitiated into US culture, softball is their version of women’s cricket. Unlike cricket, however, it’s considered worthy of Olympic inclusion, and Jennie is the proud owner of a shiny gold medal from the last games in Athens.
Besides being a glorious golden haired pitcher, Jennie has much to be proud of. Namely, her appearance on the American celebrity version of The Apprentice, where she came face-to-face with one of the world’s most ungodly bastards, Donald Trump - he fired her in January. She also has an interesting and athletic body, deemed worthy of inclusion in Sports Illustrated.
