“Sorry lads, I’m going to have to duck out - cheers!”
One debate that definitely hasn’t been raging for the last few months has been whether Owen Hargreaves will go to the World Cup or not. And yet, as reported in the Daily Mail, the midfield pest still thought it worth pointing out that, actually guys, he won’t be ready.
It’s a move known in the trade as “getting in there first”, or, quite commonly, “the unnecessary sword fall” - also a popular technique amongst appalling members of the workforce who want to save face from sacking by handing in their resignation, or husbands in malfunctioning marriages who want to create the illusion that they can’t be tied down by divorcing the very woman that they adore.
Of course, the big news today is that Jordan has married another man - this time, the one with the botched up ears that look like big discarded tea bags. You know, the fighty bloke who suffered daily humiliation at the hands of Vinnie Jones on the TV show with the house? Him.
Yet, whilst the rest of the nation coos and gasps at revelations about post-wedding strip club tomfoolery, hardened football hacks haven’t even shifted a single eyeball from important football news. Here’s what we know today, thanks to the likes of The Daily Mail, The Telegraph, The Times etc…
Hilariously, were Michael Owen and Owen Hargreaves to enter into a civil partnership, one of them would be called Owen Owen. As it is, neither are gay. And, for those wondering, no, that isn’t what happened with Neville Neville. It was just a different time back then.
Anyway, the big news for both Owens is that they have each snared the Capello eye in recent weeks - Michael with his hat-trick against Wolsburg, and Hargreaves with news that he’s finally on the road back to potential Premier League action - albeit with his confidence slightly slumped by the months on the sidelines.
In the case of the former, the England manager seems a trifle concerned by Sir Alex Ferguson’s unwillingness to use him in important games. Saying this (in the Daily Mail):
“I saw the last game he played, on television, and he scored three in the Champions League but the next game he did not play. For this reason, I ask myself why.”
Whilst he has neither counted out any chance of Hargreaves (who, by the way, would make The Spoiler’s World Cup team, fully fit) boarding the plane come next summer.
“He has six months to recover his good form but he needs to play. I will choose players that will be fit in May.”
But would YOU take the Owens to the World Cup? That’s the question.
At some point between now and next summer, everyone from young toddlers to muttering old grandmas will be doodling their ideal England team for the World Cup on napkins in cocktail bars all around the country.
Hence, The Spoiler thought it wise to get in there first, before disappearing under the inevitable tidal wave of football compilations.
The above team is very much an “ideal world” scenario, with particularly large question marks looming above the heads of Owen Hargreaves and Aaron Lennon.
In the case of the former, inclusion depends on him reaching peak form and fitness in time. Whilst the latter has more to do with whether Theo Walcott or Shaun Wright-Phillips suddenly come good in the next few months. At the moment, the spot is Aaron’s to lose.
With two holding players sitting in front of the defence, the full backs would be free to gallop up the wings, and Gerrard could float around in the middle, occasionally playing as a second striker. Of course, it would mean dropping poor old Lampsie to the bench, and it would leave Rooney partnerless up front.
BUT, it would also win England the World Cup. Seriously.
If you agree with The Spoiler, feel free to leave a kind and wonderful comment.
If you don’t agree, feel free to pile in with all guns blazing… and some suggestions of your own, naturally.
Eastenders viewing figures not under threat this evening
Tranmere Rovers vs. Stockport County (7.45pm, Sky Sports 1) Tranmere play their first game without the recently sacked John Barnes, as club physio Les Parry attempts a Nigel Adkins by trading the magic sponge for the tactics board in the guise of caretaker boss.
Both sides have struggled of late: the hosts have just one win in their last 11 while Stockport have won just once on the road in the league since February. Stockport sit 20th in the table and Tranmere occupy 22nd, making it a potential six pointer for the relegation candidates.
Oldham Ath Reserves vs. Manchester Utd Reserves (7pm, MUTV)
United reserves are looking to defend the Manchester Senior Cup for the third year running and tonight come up against Oldham. On paper, it may not sound like the most riveting
The stars who have failed to live up to their transfer fees
As the folks who ploughed their cash into the Sega Saturn, Minidiscs and HD-DVDs will testify, sometimes smart investments don’t quite work out. With this in mind, Spoiler correspondent Joe Thompson has compiled a list of ten Premier League players who have failed to deliver on the financial commitment their respective clubs made to bring them in…
Andriy Shevchenko (Chelsea, £31m)
When Chelsea signed ‘Sheva’ in 2006 on a four year deal, it was for a club record fee - but this was a record breaking player. He’d won everything with Milan, bagged the Ballon d’Or and had twice been top scorer in Serie A. Since his move to West London, however, he’s managed 20 goals in 83 appearances, and a season shipped out on loan back to his beloved Milan. Did he rediscover his form there? Did he f**k. He’ll be 33 next month as a once-great career slides away. Abramovich’s ultimate vanity signing has been his worst.
Kolo Toure (Manchester City, £14m)
While part of the 2003/04 title-winning ‘invincibles’, he could have been in the Best Value top ten. One of Wenger’s best buys for £150,000, he was immense. The past couple of seasons though, Toure and Arsenal have struggled with consistency, with the team’s spine being called into question. Unlike Chelsea with Shevchenko, The Citizens have bought a player who has already lost his form.
Zat Knight (Bolton, £5m)
You’ve got to feel for Bolton fans.
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