Manchester Utd star wants to do it for the kids

With the obvious exception of those who are destined to spurt hideous cliches on the pundit’s sofa, very few professional footballers consider the future beyond their relatively short careers. Patrice Evra, however, has got it all figured out. The Senegalese star could probably make a career from cooking or DJing, but he intends to move into the world of childcare:

“When I retire maybe I can babysit for all the other players.”

If Manchester Utd’s future stars don’t take to the idea of leaving their offspring in the care of the groundsman-punching left-back, he also has an alternative post-retirement plan. Apparently, he would like to do a TV comedy show with Park Ji-Sung. Perhaps a re-make of The Odd Couple is on the cards…

Porto/Man Utd, Champions Lge QF 2nd leg, 7.45pm, Sky Sports 2

With only Owen Hargreaves, Wes Brown and Darren Fletcher certain to miss out through injury, Sir Alex Ferguson isn’t short of options for tonight’s second leg at Estadio do Dragao. The Manchester United boss often favours a 4-3-3 for European games but here’s how The Spoiler would line the holders up:

We’ve chosen 4-4-2 and have opted for the tireless grafting of Park Ji-Sung and Carlos Tevez over the experience of Ryan Giggs and Dimitar Berbatov’s calmness and occasional brilliance. Do you agree with our selections? Let us know with a comment below.

Ryan Giggs: True Red pulls out all the stars

On Monday, a DVD celebrating Ryan Giggs’ illustrious 17-year career will be released, and in celebration a premiere of the film was held in Manchester. Carlos Tevez, Cristiano Ronaldo, Wes Brown, Rio Ferdinand, Anderson, Nani, Patrice Evra, Nemanja Vidic, Park Ji-Sung, Dimitar Berbatov, Owen Hargreaves, Jonny Evans, John O’Shea and Michael Carrick all walked the carpet rocking a snazzy jeans/ white shirt/ blazer combo in honour of the Welshman. Rio even augmented his outfit with a cravat, making him look dead sophisticated.

Celebrity fans Angus Deyton, Peter Hook and monkey man Ian Brown also turned out, but those reinforced crowd barriers were severly tested by the cream of Manchester’s acting talent, including True Red narrator Ralf Little, Will Mellor, Max Beesley and Corrie’s Kevin Webster.

Liam Fray of The Courteneers said:

No no no, this can’t be right…

In his long impressive managerial career, Sir Alex Ferguson has fashioned himself as a ferocious Braveheart figure, ruling his kingdom with an iron fist tucked inside a gorgeous velvet glove. And he’s had no problem slamming it down on player’s hopes and dreams - just look at Stam, van Nistelrooy, Beckham. He even dropped his lapdog Steve Bruce from an FA Cup final team.

So what was the hardest decision he’s had to make at United? The one which keeps him up late into the night, chewing rabidly on his gum? Leaving Park Ji-Sung out of the squad for last season’s Champions League final, of course.

“In many ways it was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, because Ji-Sung had played such a great part in the previous games against Roma and Barcelona,” spluttered the maroon-nosed Scot. Obviously lying.

Hey, Sir Alex, you know what else was a mistake? Letting Jordi go.