It’s all quiet on the rumour and gossip front today, folks

It’s a slow day transfer-wise, but we are pleased to announce that the podgy Egyptian forward Mido is no longer on the Marlon Brando career path. After apologising to Boro fans for weighing more than a medium sized aircraft last season, he has shed two stone. Bravo, sir.

Elsewhere, a former Newcastle player could be heading for military combat, and Lamps is still deciding if he should run off into the sunset with the Special One…

Emre Belezoğlu to the army
The Newcastle midfielder was depressed enough about the prospect of going back to Turkey to play for Fenerbahce, but now he may miss out on football altogether as he is wanted by his country’s army.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Who are they at war with anyway?

Alexander Hleb to Barcelona
It looks like Hleb’s heart is set on a move to quiet, peaceful Barcelona after feeling violated by the harshness of noisy London. (It’ll be fantastic when he realises the Spanish city is pretty much the noisiest place in the world.)

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Looks like he’s ready to pull a Reyes

Frank Lampard to Inter
Chelsea would love to give him £135,000-a-week but soon-to-be-30 Frank Lampard wants it for four straight years, while

Today’s transfer rumours, written down one after the other

One of the more surprising transfer rumours to surface during this year’s European Championships doesn’t involve a journalist-hating Barcelona star or a strange looking Frenchman, but rather a member of the BBC’s intrepid pundit squad. If the loud whispers are to be believed, Blackburn are planning to choose Alan Shearer over, well, a manager with a shred of experience and tactical nous. Hey, remember that season where he scored all those goals? Yeah! Whoo! Goals! Sign him up…

Alan Shearer to Blackburn
Shearer’s emergence as favourite for the Blackburn job is bringing delight to millions across the country - could he finally vacate his Match of the Day seat to the vastly superior Lee Dixon?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Shearer is waiting for them to call, rather than actually applying for the job. With this approach, he could be waiting a while.

Samuel Eto’o to Chelsea
Whoever is in charge at the Bridge has identified everyone’s favourite journalist-headbutting striker as the ideal replacement for Didier Drogba, the striker everyone wants to headbutt. Mourinho and Inter could stand in the way.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: More likely than a move to Spurs

Franck Ribery to Chelsea
The one-time Arsenal target is said to be another at the top of Chelsea’s wish list, and it’s unlikely the £31 million price tag Bayern have slapped on will scare them off.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Would Chelsea dare break their ‘one flair player’ quota?

Patrick Vieira to Portsmouth
Harry Redknapp is optimistic that Vieira would