There is something depressingly predictable about Gazza’s further troubles, as one of football’s greatest entertainers finds himself in another pickle. He was photographed in today’s Sun newspaper attempting to get into his local boozer before 10am, and now rumours abound that he’s been arrested for causing criminal damage. The tabloids will no doubt be feasting on how bonkers they think he is, but The Spoiler would rather remind people what a fantastic player he was on his day. Football owes him a lot, we wish him well.
Rangers strikers can’t help but show their love for one another
During a 1996 Scottish FA Cup match between Rangers and Inverness Caledonian Thistle at Tannadice Park, Gazza and Ally McCoist accidentally clashed heads, giving the latter a burst lip. To make amends, Gazza decided to clash heads again, in order to “kiss it better” (his words, not mine).
Thanks to Scott for the excellent Sporno submission. If you have seen any sport/ porn hybrids out there, send them in and earn yourself a thousand shiny pennies.
Today’s transfer rumours, some more ridiculous than others
Despite possessing a questionable state of mental health, a low quality tabloid has linked the man who drunkenly gave me a tenner on my tenth birthday (true story) with a managerial job in the Philippines. Frankly, there’s a better chance of Jermain Defoe declaring a vow of abstinence, but the rest of today’s rumours have a little more substance…
Paul Gascoigne to the Phillippines
The seldom-reliable Daily Star claim that The Phillippines want to ‘rescue’ Gazza by making him the manager of their national team. There must be logic in that idea somewhere but we’re not going to bother guessing what it is.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Ludicrous idea if true
David Bentley to Everton
Bentley’s bold transfer request might not have panned out as he intended it to. It’s not Liverpool and Chelsea throwing pound notes at him to seduce him, it’s Aston Villa and Everton.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: We still expect Chelsea to make a move
Ronaldinho to LA Galaxy
Forget about Barcelona, forget about Chelsea, hell, even forget about Manchester City. Despite only being 28, Ronaldinho
The sad decline of Gazza tells you all you need to know about life after football - it can be pretty traumatic. Now that the limelight has gone off him, and with nowhere to channel his demons, he appears to be in the grip of depression and - apparently - total mental breakdown. It could have been so different, or so says Sir Alex Ferguson.
The Man United boss famously tried to sign Gazza before he went off to Spurs, and has reportedly told the people of Sky Sports that it was his doomed trip to London that eventually frazzled his mind
The Spoiler presents the best of the angry, drunk and depressed
The main issue that footballers have is that once away from the pitch, what is there to do? God forbid they have to pick up a book and read! The lucky ones play golf and hang out with Gary Neville, while the rest of them stare blank-eyed into the depths of their tortured souls.
How about this team for a freaky dressing room!
GK Mark Bosnich
There was a time when the Australian looked set to become the greatest goalkeeper the world had ever seen, but then he set eyes of silly Sophie Anderton, and went about shoveling cocaine up his nose instead of training. He then became a little bit weird.
DL Ben Thatcher
A horrible man, Thatcher will be remembered mainly for his revolting use of his elbows - most notably on Pedro Mendes of Portsmouth, who took such a wallop that he had a seizure. Serious violence issues, he makes the line-up in front of Ashley Cole, who isn’t so much troubled as just a total bastard.
DC Tony Adams
Forget the straight-faced gentlemanly MOTD2 demeanor, there was a time when Adams would hurl back the beers and set off fire extinguishers in Pizza Hut - all because he was drunk, the idiot. Then there was the time he smashed a Ford Sierra into a wall, shortly before going to prison. Oops (hic!).
DC Paul McGrath
McGrath had the look of a man who would silently strangle people in alleyways, but as defenders go, he was brilliant. Problem was, he was so addicted to drink that he once thought it wise to wolf down some lighter fluid (apparently). Euch.
Yet more tales of the former England star’s compulsive personality
While Paul Gascoigne’s troubled mind is reconstructed by soft-handed psychiatric professionals, it’s a racing cert that they’re going to take out the bit that made him a compulsive clown. That news may possibly come as relief to many people, but as a tribute to the resting hero and to pass on the memory of some of his more extreme comedic moments, Sniffing the Touchline has compiled a comprehensive list of 50 famous Gascoignian incidents. Here are some of the tales that may or may not make his memoirs:
» When asked for his nationality before an operation, told the nurse: “Church Of England.”
» On a trip to London, jumped out of his car to demand “a go” on a workman’s pneumatic drill. After getting the go-ahead, happily pounded the pavement to the amusement of shoppers.
» Booked a series of sun-bed sessions for then-Newcastle team-mate Tony Cunningham. Who, of course, is black.
» Asked by a Norwegian camera crew if he had a message for England’s upcoming opponents, immediately responded with, “Yes. F**k off Norway.” Then ran off laughing.
» Walked into the Middlesbrough canteen wearing nothing but his training socks and ordered lunch.
“Tragic ace” has more vivid inner life than the rest of England’s footballers put together
As part of their Gazza coverage, the Times have run an extract from Hunter Davies’ outstanding book, Gazza My Story, written with Paul Gascoigne in 2004, which you can read by clicking here. Amongst the many insights into a lifetime of mental turbulence are these two:
“I should have had counselling. Years ago, when I was a boy in Gateshead, I had my first chance to get help, but I didn’t go back.
“When I was seven, I had a weird experience. I’d been playing football in the park all afternoon and
Writing in the Times, Simon Barnes describes Paul Gascoigne’s last few weeks as an increasingly unhinged guest at a Gateshead hotel, including the line “Gascoigne, 40, had apparently also spent hours in his room playing on a Nintendo Wii handheld computer game console.”
One reader’s reaction to this harrowing account? “The only one comment I have to say on this is that the Wii isn’t really a handheld device as such.”
There has been some terrific reporting on the story of Paul Gascoigne’s hospitalisation, even if some of it does read like an obituary. All the papers carry some extraordinary insights into the terrifying emptiness of his life and his desperate efforts to fill the void, although the prize for best coverage goes to the Telegraph, with three of their highlights below.
(Ian Wright also does his best to explain the enigma in the Sun: “He was just a normal bloke who was happiest with a pint and a game of pool in his local working men’s club.”)
After he had damaged his cruciate ligament in the 1991 FA Cup final,
After yesterday’s news of Paul Gascoigne’s ‘avoidable tragedy’ (Sky News’ words, not mine), it seems only fair to remind ourselves of the genius he brought to the game.
Personally, I will always remember him as the slightly drunk but very friendly man who gave me money on my tenth birthday (long-winded story here), but for most others, his legacy remains on the pitch. Here’s why:
1. He made Scotland look silly at Euro 96
2. This superb strike in helped Spurs win to their most recent FA Cup victory (FA Cup semi-final, vs Arsenal, February 1991)
As a result of coal-fired industries, geographical location and a huge amount of cars, Beijing is covered in a thick grey cloud most of the time. In fact, the air quality is so bad that people were told to stay inside their homes a fortnight ago due to ‘hazardous pollution levels.’
As a result, several Olympic events may be delayed or postponed, in light of the health risks to the athletes: in an Olympic biking test event last September, just eight of fifty riders finished, most blaming the
