Robinho to Barcelona
The Brazilian forward has responded to speculation that the treble winners could be interested in signing him by telling Spanish newspaper Sport: “Barcelona are a great team and everybody would love to play for them.”
The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Financially, there is no pressure on Manchester City to sell so Robinho is only likely to leave if Mark Hughes feels he can get someone better in.
Heurelho Gomes to PSV
In 90% of Spurs’ games last season, Gomes was one of Spurs’ best players and a vital part of the best home defence in the Premier League. However, The Mirror only remember the mistakes and expect him to be offloaded to fund a
Tottenham getting comfortable at the bottom of the table
When they sent Paul Robinson packing, Spurs might have imagined their days of calamitous goalkeeping were over. Not so. Gomes should have saved Ashley Young’s long range effort, and the sides should have drawn like the chickendinner predicted.
If they wish to break into the top seventeen this season, Tottenham should hope for better fortunes when Wigan visit at the weekend.
How far would you travel to have a load of drunks call you a fat, useless wanker?
Ex-Tottenham, Blackburn and England man Tim Sherwood has waded into the debate about the levels of enthusiasm experienced by the national team when they pull on the shirt. “If Capello gets them in a room and says: ‘It will never come out from here and I will give you the perfect alibi - how many of you do not want to play for England anymore?’ 70 per cent of that squad would put their hands up,” he insists. “Not talking about the guys who have one, two, three or four caps - I am talking about the ones who have 36 or 40 caps. They would jack it in.”Assuming that he means over 36 caps, that would remove the following names from the current squad: David James, Paul Robinson, Rio Ferdinand, Ashley Cole, John Terry, David Beckham, Frank Lampard, Joe Cole, Emile Heskey and Wayne Rooney.
“Does Frank Lampard really want to be out there taking that sort of abuse?” continues Sherwood, “I don’t think he does.”
The worst players currently plying their trade in the top flight
A survey of the worst Premier League players of all time as conducted by Top-Up TV arrived at Spoiler Towers this morning, and their ‘Relegation Utd’ looked a little something like this:
Massimo Taibi; Titus Bramble; Jean-Alain Boumsong; Abel Xavier; and Darren Peacock; Eric Djemba Djemba; Luke Chadwick; Carlton Palmer; Lee Dong Gook; Thomas Brolin; Diego Forlan; and manager Sammy Lee.
After wondering how the Top-Up TV team that didn’t include the man who Alan Mullery declared as the worst player ever to grace the top flight, Carl Leaburn, we decided that there are eleven men currently earning their keep in the Prem who would lose to this motley lot…
Paul Robinson, Blackburn
Proved that he didn’t leave his catalogue of errors at White Hart Lane when Mikel Arteta’s free-kick from a ridiculous angle caught him out on the opening day of the season.
Jlloyd Samuel, Bolton
Graduated from the same “I-may-have-a-great-name-but-I’m-not-a-great-footballer” club as Eric Djemba-Djemba and Quincy Owusu-Abeyie.
Titus Bramble, Wigan
Alright, so there was one player on their
Internacional shot stopper Clemer has been playing professionally since 1988 - maybe this howler will speed up the old duffer’s decision to hang up his boots.
Inter have allegedly decided how much they wish to spend on Frank Lampard, but the newspapers have invented three different prices ranging from £8-11 million, while the Daily Star claim there has been no offer at all.
Despite all the signs to the contrary, however, Big Phil Scolari has claimed there is no chance of Lamps reuniting with his former lover Jose Mourinho this season.
Alexander Hleb to Barcelona
Hleb has confirmed he wants to leave because his style of play (brilliant one minute, woeful the next) doesn’t match Arsene Wenger’s. He also decided to take a dig at Cesc Fabregas, who wanted him to stay, by calling him selfish.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He will leave, with Barca his preferred destination
Didier Drogba to stay
The Blues are begging someone to pay the reasonable enough sum of £24 million (just £200,000 more than they paid) for the Ivory Coast striker but nobody is willing to show him some love.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Milan may renew their interest
Tottenham Reserves to Blackburn
Juande Ramos is so desperate
For those who lie awake wondering whatever happened to Bill Wyman after he walked out on the Rolling Stones in 1993, you can breathe easy - he’s totally fine, and making a fine living as the face of SuperSmoker electronic cigarettes. They look brilliant/ridiculous. Anyway, now that you can relax properly, why not fill your mind with new information, like today’s transfer rumours?
Paul Robinson to Bolton
Forgetful Gary Megson - Egyptian keeper Ali Al Habsi emerged as a star in Bolton’s relegation run-in, he was brilliant. Not brilliant enough to keep Megson’s beady eyes away from Robinson’s slippery wet hands though.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: For £5 million! Madness.
Gregory Coupet to Tottenham
While Robinson takes his eel-like fingers back up North. Juande Ramos is putting France’s number one goalkeeper on a ferry for half the price.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Likely, even for a 35-year-old.
If you’re planning to go to Glasgow tonight, don’t, it would be a silly silly move. Should Rangers win, Celtic supporters go bonkers, should Rangers lose, everyone goes bonkers. And, of course, “bonkers” is street slang for face punchy and eye scratchy. You would be far wiser to read about today’s transfers and say nothing more about it…
Carlos Puyol to Man United
Fergie has long been an admirer of Puyol’s gorgeous long hair and robust playing style - the whisper is that he’s going to throw Gerard Pique in as bait.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’s Mr Barcelona, and the Ferdinand/Vidic axis of strength might be impossible to break. Unlikely.
Giovani dos Santos to Chelsea
This guy has been hailed as ‘the new Ronaldinho’, which presumably means he’s a great footballer, not a podgy nighclubber who could eat his breakfast through a fence.
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