Tottenham getting comfortable at the bottom of the table

When they sent Paul Robinson packing, Spurs might have imagined their days of calamitous goalkeeping were over. Not so. Gomes should have saved Ashley Young’s long range effort, and the sides should have drawn like the chickendinner predicted.

If they wish to break into the top seventeen this season, Tottenham should hope for better fortunes when Wigan visit at the weekend.

[Video from 101GreatGoals]

How far would you travel to have a load of drunks call you a fat, useless wanker?

Ex-Tottenham, Blackburn and England man Tim Sherwood has waded into the debate about the levels of enthusiasm experienced by the national team when they pull on the shirt. “If Capello gets them in a room and says: ‘It will never come out from here and I will give you the perfect alibi - how many of you do not want to play for England anymore?’ 70 per cent of that squad would put their hands up,” he insists. “Not talking about the guys who have one, two, three or four caps - I am talking about the ones who have 36 or 40 caps. They would jack it in.”Assuming that he means over 36 caps, that would remove the following names from the current squad: David James, Paul Robinson, Rio Ferdinand, Ashley Cole, John Terry, David Beckham, Frank Lampard, Joe Cole, Emile Heskey and Wayne Rooney.

“Does Frank Lampard really want to be out there taking that sort of abuse?” continues Sherwood, “I don’t think he does.”

Fair point.

[The Telegraph]

The worst players currently plying their trade in the top flight

A survey of the worst Premier League players of all time as conducted by Top-Up TV arrived at Spoiler Towers this morning, and their ‘Relegation Utd’ looked a little something like this:

Massimo Taibi; Titus Bramble; Jean-Alain Boumsong; Abel Xavier; and Darren Peacock; Eric Djemba Djemba; Luke Chadwick; Carlton Palmer; Lee Dong Gook; Thomas Brolin; Diego Forlan; and manager Sammy Lee.

After wondering how the Top-Up TV team that didn’t include the man who Alan Mullery declared as the worst player ever to grace the top flight, Carl Leaburn, we decided that there are eleven men currently earning their keep in the Prem who would lose to this motley lot…

Paul Robinson, Blackburn
Proved that he didn’t leave his catalogue of errors at White Hart Lane when Mikel Arteta’s free-kick from a ridiculous angle caught him out on the opening day of the season.

Jlloyd Samuel, Bolton
Graduated from the same “I-may-have-a-great-name-but-I’m-not-a-great-footballer” club as Eric Djemba-Djemba and Quincy Owusu-Abeyie.

Titus Bramble, Wigan
Alright, so there was one player on their

Brazilian goalie forced into Paul Robinson-esque blunder

Internacional shot stopper Clemer has been playing professionally since 1988 - maybe this howler will speed up the old duffer’s decision to hang up his boots.

[Brazil Offside]

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Inter have allegedly decided how much they wish to spend on Frank Lampard, but the newspapers have invented three different prices ranging from £8-11 million, while the Daily Star claim there has been no offer at all.

Despite all the signs to the contrary, however, Big Phil Scolari has claimed there is no chance of Lamps reuniting with his former lover Jose Mourinho this season.

Alexander Hleb to Barcelona
Hleb has confirmed he wants to leave because his style of play (brilliant one minute, woeful the next) doesn’t match Arsene Wenger’s. He also decided to take a dig at Cesc Fabregas, who wanted him to stay, by calling him selfish.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He will leave, with Barca his preferred destination

Didier Drogba to stay
The Blues are begging someone to pay the reasonable enough sum of £24 million (just £200,000 more than they paid) for the Ivory Coast striker but nobody is willing to show him some love.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Milan may renew their interest

Tottenham Reserves to Blackburn
Juande Ramos is so desperate

All the big news written down in English

For those who lie awake wondering whatever happened to Bill Wyman after he walked out on the Rolling Stones in 1993, you can breathe easy - he’s totally fine, and making a fine living as the face of SuperSmoker electronic cigarettes. They look brilliant/ridiculous. Anyway, now that you can relax properly, why not fill your mind with new information, like today’s transfer rumours?

Paul Robinson to Bolton
Forgetful Gary Megson - Egyptian keeper Ali Al Habsi emerged as a star in Bolton’s relegation run-in, he was brilliant. Not brilliant enough to keep Megson’s beady eyes away from Robinson’s slippery wet hands though.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: For £5 million! Madness.

Gregory Coupet to Tottenham
While Robinson takes his eel-like fingers back up North. Juande Ramos is putting France’s number one goalkeeper on a ferry for half the price.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Likely, even for a 35-year-old.

If you’re planning to go to Glasgow tonight, don’t, it would be a silly silly move. Should Rangers win, Celtic supporters go bonkers, should Rangers lose, everyone goes bonkers. And, of course, “bonkers” is street slang for face punchy and eye scratchy. You would be far wiser to read about today’s transfers and say nothing more about it…

Carlos Puyol to Man United
Fergie has long been an admirer of Puyol’s gorgeous long hair and robust playing style - the whisper is that he’s going to throw Gerard Pique in as bait.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’s Mr Barcelona, and the Ferdinand/Vidic axis of strength might be impossible to break. Unlikely.

Giovani dos Santos to Chelsea
This guy has been hailed as ‘the new Ronaldinho’, which presumably means he’s a great footballer, not a podgy nighclubber who could eat his breakfast through a fence.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Warm, very warm.

Middlesbrough managed to pull themselves away from a relegation scrap at the right time, but they’ll have just enough rope to hang themselves next season if they bring Paul Robinson on board. Here’s today’s rumours from the north east and beyond:

Thierry Henry to Arsenal
While the BBC have shown us video of Henry himself saying the only Premier League club he would play for is Arsenal, The Sun chose to print a quote-free, substance-free story insisting he was going to Newcastle to be the new Alan Shearer. Bad timing, red top rumour monkeys.

Antonio Valencia to Liverpool
It must have been a nervy morning for Liverpool fans as they heard Rafa Benitez wanted to sign a Wigan player - “please don’t bring Heskey back” - luckily for them, Rafa is looking to sign his hundredth winger instead.

Aaron Lennon to Manchester City
City have never really got over the loss of Shaun Wright-Phillips to Chelsea’s reserve team, so now they plan to bring in the half-an-inch shorter replica.

Paul Robinson to Middlesbrough
Gareth Southgate has shown what he learnt when playing under Steve McLaren by choosing to replace his Champions League-bound keeper Mark Schwarzer with the seemingly Championship-bound

The best sports on the telebox tonight

No doubt inspired by Paul Robinson’s rousing chants, tonight Spurs will aim to finish the job they started at Slavia Prague last week. At 3/10, the bookies place them as huge favourites, so try to find the best value in other markets, such as Paddy Power’s 6/5 on Tottenham to score three goals or more. Find all the best odds for the UEFA Cup, or indeed any other sporting action, right here.

UEFA Cup Round of 32

Tottenham Hotspur/ Slavia Prague (ITV4, 7.45pm)
Everton/ SK Brann (Five, 8pm)

Tottenham keeper gets the crowd going with a Chas ‘n’ Dave classic

Prior to Tottenham’s 2-1 victory at Slavia Prague last week, Paul Robinson earned his place in the good books of Spurs fans by starting a chant of “Spurs are on their way to Wembley…” When the crowd request an encore, he obliges with a rousing rendition of “Stand up if you hate Arsenal…”

In an age of mega-bucks contracts and low levels of loyalty, how refreshing to see