Yep, some pretty nice strikes…

Long it’s been said, “Scholes” means “goals”, so no one should really be surprised that the elderly asthmatic now has one hundred of the things to his name in the Premier League. He notched up the century against Wolves on Saturday, so to celebrate, above are ten corkers from the past. We done, Scholes!

Man United 3-1 Man City

It was a night brimming with wonder. The weird Tevez backheel. Stephen Ireland’s astonishing Icarus wings on his back. Jamie Redknapp’s preposterous new must-have haircut for men (just ask for “the Jarhead”). Rooney finishing it all off.

If you missed it, above are the highlights.  

(via 101 Great Goals)

Gary is the toddler on the left

Those of a certain age will remember when Fergie’s Fledglings “Class of 1992″ first turned up on the scene. It all started with Ryan Giggsie. Then, before long, Nicky Butt came along - a terrier like teenager who looked like were he not playing football, he’d be bricking up telephone boxes.

He was quickly followed by the first Neville sister, Gary. Then a silent 12-year-old asthmatic called Paul Scholes, and then a gum-chewing boy racer called David Beckham - a real slickster who dreamt of one day getting steamy with a member of Bananarama.

It was a bit like watching an episode of Grange Hill, only without any careless girls fretting about being pregnant, or inspiring art teachers making them think about stuff. You know, like “issues” and that.

It was just Fergie and his little ones against the world.

Unfortunately, as with so many beautiful fairy tales, after fifteen-or-so years this one seems to be finally drawing to a close.

Keegan horsing around during a pre-match training session

With the end of the first decade of the Millenium just about mouthing “hello” from over the horizon, The Spoiler is taking the opportunity to doff a cap to some of the teams that graced the field in the year 2000.

Today, it’s the turn of the first 21st Century England team, coached by Keegan, who played host to Argentina in a 0-0 thriller at Wembley on 23 February 2000. Listed below…

Goalkeeper, David Seaman (Arsenal, 56 caps)

Seaman was not just a grown man with a moustache, he was also a wonderful goalkeeper. So wonderful that only Peter Shilton can boast more international caps. Seaman went on to amass 75 of the things, whilst only slightly smudging his career with a howler against Brazil during the 2002 World Cup. You know, when Ronaldinho floated one in from miles away? Cringe!

Centre Back, Martin Keown (Arsenal, 28 caps)

Now a rather softly-spoken, haunting presence on the MOTD2 sofa, Martin Keown was considerably less eloquent with his tackling. Probably a victim of the Graham Taylor curse, he was overlooked for England throughout Venables’ reign, only to be brought back in by Hoddle, then absolutely adored by Keegan. Interestingly, both of his parents were/are Irish.

Centre Back, Sol Campbell (Spurs, 30 caps)

During his England career, Campbell managed to feature in six successive tournaments, which apparently is a record for an English player. Well done Sol. And who knows? He might even make it to a seventh one day. Probably not though. He’s currently looking for a new home.

English sides secure victories in Europe

Chelsea 1/ Porto 0
The Blues didn’t exactly carry themselves with the confidence that has allowed them to steamroll through Premiership opposition so far this season, but they claimed a vital three points against their Portuguese visitors thanks to an impressive finish from Nicolas Anelka. Porto’s Hulk tried his best to beat Petr Cech, but the tabloid headline writers were ultimately denied a hilarious pun.

Besiktas 0/ Manchester Utd 1
There were frayed tempers on and off the pitch over in Turkey: Wayne Rooney threw his boots down in fury when he was pulled off for a Fit & Healthy striker just after the hour mark, and appeared to share a few choice words with vitriolic home fans who had to be restrained by stewards. It probably won’t go down as a classic, but Paul Scholes did enough to secure an important away victory.

Spoiler bonus: Cristiano Ronaldo was firing on all cylinders in Zurich, bagging a confidence-boosting brace of free kicks. Check it out after the jump…

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies…

Andrea Pirlo to Chelsea
It’s inevitable that Carlo Ancelotti will bring some Milanese talent to West London with him, and The Telegraph believe his first choice is girly-named midfielder Andrea Pirlo. AC will apparently accept no less than £20m.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: We can’t see Chelsea splashing that kind of cash on a 30-year-old, but stranger things have happened.

Paul Scholes to Stoke
Clearly impressed by his bone crunching tackle on Sergio Biscuits earlier this week, Stoke will offer Scholesy a player/coach position next season, say The Daily Mail. The Potters will offer a ‘nominal fee’ (read: ‘very small fee’)

Welsh midfielder may not think much of C-Ron

Keen to create a divide between Cristiano Ronaldo and his current employer, Spanish paper Marca are stirring things up extracting some insinuations from an interview with teammate Ryan Giggs.

The Welshman was asked to pick his Manchester Utd dream team, and he proceeded to wax lyrical about the likes of Paul Scholes, Gary Neville and Wayne Rooney. As you can see from his selection below, however, there is a distinct absence of any lothario Portuguese wingers:

The Giggs Manchester Utd dream team

Schmeichel or Van der Sar (he doesn’t distinguish between them as both are super brill)
Gary Neville
Jaap Stam
Rio Ferdinand
Dennis Irwin
David Beckham
Paul Scholes
Roy Keane
Ryan Giggs
Eric Cantona
Wayne Rooney

The Spoiler is concerned that the old guard has shown an apparent lack of appreciation for Ronaldo, but perhaps a little more concerned that Giggsy chose to pick himself in his own dream team…

The games that have made this season worth watching

Now that Manchester Utd have pretty much put the final nail in the coffin of the 2008/09 Premier League title race, it’s high time that we start peddling out some end of season lists. Accordingly, here is a top ten of the campaign’s most entertaining matches, which somehow includes a game involving West Brom…

#10: West Brom 3 - 2 West Ham, 13th September

Gianfranco Zola must have been wondering what he’d signed himself up for, watching his first West Ham game from the stands before taking over as manager. A game with a neutral-baiting mix of awful defending and open attacking play, both teams managed to lose their lead twice before an 83rd minute West Brom counter attack saw Chris Brunt sprint free of the Hammers’ defence and clinically place one inside the far post.

#9: Fulham 0 - 0 Sunderland, 18th October

Sunderland’s early visit to Craven Cottage should go down as the best goalless game of the season. Fulham’s goalmouth literally took a battering. Kieron Richardson, taking time off from his usual job of lying on a physio’s table somewhere, had his 25-yard free-kick bounce between the posts twice (before having another free-kick goal disallowed) and Djibril Cisse’s rasping long ranger was saved by the crossbar. However, the Cottagers created their own opportunities in the back-and-forth battle, with Zoltan Gera having a shot cleared off the line from Pascal Chimbonda before spurning his team’s best chance with a Carragher-esque air kick.

#8: Fulham 2 - 0 Manchester Utd, 21st March

It’s testament to how crap United were