English sides secure victories in Europe

Chelsea 1/ Porto 0
The Blues didn’t exactly carry themselves with the confidence that has allowed them to steamroll through Premiership opposition so far this season, but they claimed a vital three points against their Portuguese visitors thanks to an impressive finish from Nicolas Anelka. Porto’s Hulk tried his best to beat Petr Cech, but the tabloid headline writers were ultimately denied a hilarious pun.

Besiktas 0/ Manchester Utd 1
There were frayed tempers on and off the pitch over in Turkey: Wayne Rooney threw his boots down in fury when he was pulled off for a Fit & Healthy striker just after the hour mark, and appeared to share a few choice words with vitriolic home fans who had to be restrained by stewards. It probably won’t go down as a classic, but Paul Scholes did enough to secure an important away victory.

Spoiler bonus: Cristiano Ronaldo was firing on all cylinders in Zurich, bagging a confidence-boosting brace of free kicks. Check it out after the jump…

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies…

Andrea Pirlo to Chelsea
It’s inevitable that Carlo Ancelotti will bring some Milanese talent to West London with him, and The Telegraph believe his first choice is girly-named midfielder Andrea Pirlo. AC will apparently accept no less than £20m.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: We can’t see Chelsea splashing that kind of cash on a 30-year-old, but stranger things have happened.

Paul Scholes to Stoke
Clearly impressed by his bone crunching tackle on Sergio Biscuits earlier this week, Stoke will offer Scholesy a player/coach position next season, say The Daily Mail. The Potters will offer a ‘nominal fee’ (read: ‘very small fee’)

Welsh midfielder may not think much of C-Ron

Keen to create a divide between Cristiano Ronaldo and his current employer, Spanish paper Marca are stirring things up extracting some insinuations from an interview with teammate Ryan Giggs.

The Welshman was asked to pick his Manchester Utd dream team, and he proceeded to wax lyrical about the likes of Paul Scholes, Gary Neville and Wayne Rooney. As you can see from his selection below, however, there is a distinct absence of any lothario Portuguese wingers:

The Giggs Manchester Utd dream team

Schmeichel or Van der Sar (he doesn’t distinguish between them as both are super brill)
Gary Neville
Jaap Stam
Rio Ferdinand
Dennis Irwin
David Beckham
Paul Scholes
Roy Keane
Ryan Giggs
Eric Cantona
Wayne Rooney

The Spoiler is concerned that the old guard has shown an apparent lack of appreciation for Ronaldo, but perhaps a little more concerned that Giggsy chose to pick himself in his own dream team…

The games that have made this season worth watching

Now that Manchester Utd have pretty much put the final nail in the coffin of the 2008/09 Premier League title race, it’s high time that we start peddling out some end of season lists. Accordingly, here is a top ten of the campaign’s most entertaining matches, which somehow includes a game involving West Brom…

#10: West Brom 3 - 2 West Ham, 13th September

Gianfranco Zola must have been wondering what he’d signed himself up for, watching his first West Ham game from the stands before taking over as manager. A game with a neutral-baiting mix of awful defending and open attacking play, both teams managed to lose their lead twice before an 83rd minute West Brom counter attack saw Chris Brunt sprint free of the Hammers’ defence and clinically place one inside the far post.

#9: Fulham 0 - 0 Sunderland, 18th October

Sunderland’s early visit to Craven Cottage should go down as the best goalless game of the season. Fulham’s goalmouth literally took a battering. Kieron Richardson, taking time off from his usual job of lying on a physio’s table somewhere, had his 25-yard free-kick bounce between the posts twice (before having another free-kick goal disallowed) and Djibril Cisse’s rasping long ranger was saved by the crossbar. However, the Cottagers created their own opportunities in the back-and-forth battle, with Zoltan Gera having a shot cleared off the line from Pascal Chimbonda before spurning his team’s best chance with a Carragher-esque air kick.

#8: Fulham 2 - 0 Manchester Utd, 21st March

It’s testament to how crap United were

Also appearing on a computer near you…

West Ham fans inform John Terry of his mother’s tendency to shoplift. Hear them say naughty things to Lampsie here

Real Madrid want to give Zlatan Ibrahimovic an outrageous amount of money to under perform in big games
[Goal.com]

Interestment’s Football Munchkin XI
[Interestment]

(Fat) Ronaldo’s story might be made into a film
[Dirty Tackle]

Never gonna happen: Franz Beckenbauer wants Guus Hiddink at Bayern Munich
[Daily Mail]

The very same Guus Hiddink wants to “put the brakes on” Barcelona
[The Guardian]

Paul Scholes doesn’t mind winning ugly
[Sky Sports]

The Spoiler recommends: Bumpy Pitch T-shirts. They’re good quality and they look pretty darn good - check them out here

Patrick Vieira will line up against Manchester United again tonight

Jose Mourinho has decided to start Patrick Vieira and Mario Balotelli against Manchester United tonight while Walter Samuel returns to the Inter Milan defence. Carlos Tevez’ reward for scoring twice against Fulham is a place on the bench while Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes both start in midfield.

Arsene Wenger has named the same eleven players for Arsenal that started the 1-0 win over Roma a fortnight ago. As well as indicating that the Frenchman doesn’t intend to adopt a safety-first approach, it means he has Theo Walcott and Eduardo waiting in the wings to make an impact of the bench.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

What would Jeff Stelling and co do if football didn’t exist?

Lewis Hamilton to marry Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger at Christmas?
[Grid Crasher]

Jose Mourinho may not get an easy ride when Inter face Werder Bremen tonight
[Bild]

Justin Timberlake to host PGA Tour tournament
[Polite Applause]

Manchester Utd aren’t selling any season tickets and it’s all Fergie’s fault
[The Guardian]

More bad news for Fergie - Scholes is out for ten weeks
[Football365]

Former West Ham star Ian Pearce drops down eleven leagues
[The Mirror]

Cheryl Cole and her band attempt singing, but fail

[Watch With Mothers]

United no nearer to solving the Berbatov puzzle…

No doubt Sir Alex Ferguson knows all about handling big egos and getting the best out of his players, but leaving out his most consistently decent striker in favour of Berbatov and Rooney smacks of taking the path of least resistance. Tevez has the look of a man who doesn’t even know how to sulk.

So far Berbatov’s short Man United career has consisted of a couple of lacklustre performances against enormous opposition - Liverpool and Chelsea - and he has disappeared in both matches. These are the games when the big players must shine, especially with the Big Four so well established. More patient fans will obviously argue that the Bulgarian needs time to settle in, but to leave a yapping, snarling Tevez on the bench throughout a fiercely fought match is borderline criminal.

Ferguson needs to find the solution, and fast, but what?

Might that fateful day when Rooney moves backwards into the midfield be upon us? Scholes is getting a little bit elderly and rubbish.