Is an unlikely friendship in the offing?

Whilst showbiz desks are going berserk over pictures of Rachel Stevens’ new-look womanly thighs, which she chose to unveil at last night’s Baftas, sports desks are equally agog today with news of a rather unlikely alliance.

It’s common knowledge that only a big war can unite local rivals - a fact delicately played out with touching sentimentality by Lando Calrissian and Han Solo in the Empire Strikes Back - but no one ever saw this one coming.

Wigan 0-3 Spurs

For those of you far too busy chanting prayers to your respective gods to enjoy the weekend’s football, it was another topsy-turvy one for the Premier League. Liverpool and Man City produced nothing, Man United suffered from some divine substitutions, and the saga of Pavlyuchenko took an interesting turn. More of that above.

(Via 101 Great Goals)

“Fuggedaboudit!”

If you’re planning on visiting another country - perhaps to live for a while, or just for a nice holiday - it’s a good idea to do some research. Find out the best places to eat, learn a few local phrases, read up on dress codes. And then delve into murkier waters, and have a look at the people and places to avoid.

For example, if you’re going to America, avoid bearded men in truckers caps. In Russia, look for neck tattoos, then run away. And if you’re in Italy, it’s probably a good idea to stay on the right side of the mafia. You’ll spot them, because they laugh a lot, then suddenly go silent.

All of which leads rather clumsily onto Jose Mourinho, whose Italian adventure has been rather smudged by a mafia-linked almost-robbery on his house.

 Everyone, this is Owen… Owen… Everyone

Of course, the big news today is that Jordan has married another man - this time, the one with the botched up ears that look like big discarded tea bags. You know, the fighty bloke who suffered daily humiliation at the hands of Vinnie Jones on the TV show with the house? Him.

Yet, whilst the rest of the nation coos and gasps at revelations about post-wedding strip club tomfoolery, hardened football hacks haven’t even shifted a single eyeball from important football news. Here’s what we know today, thanks to the likes of The Daily Mail, The Telegraph, The Times etc…

Also appearing on a computer near you

In the continued spirit of desperately attempting to feel festive, here’s The Pogues! 

Pavlyuchenko to Arsenal, discussed

[Football Fancast]

QPR find a job for Paul Hart

[The Telegraph]

Wayne Bridge’s torrid time continues

[Kickette]

40 of the Top 50 Players of the Decade revealed!

[Daily Mail]

Choose your ten favourite players of the year!

[Caught Offside]

The Modric/Kranjcar conundrum

[Pies]

Two men, same request, different outcomes

It’s been a week of mixed fortunes for Tottenham’s front line, old and new. Berbatov has sheepishly started his new life in Manchester, making an efficient if unspectacular start. After a red carpet night in honour of Giggsy, he arrived home, only to be pounced on by enthusiastic autograph hunters after a doodle. He kindly obliged (pictured).

Yet over in the icy land of Russia, rumours suggest that Pavlyuchenko has landed himself in hot water for being anything but obliging to a fan’s wants - he reportedly smashed up their expensive digital camera instead of posing for a picture. The fan, understandably, is upset.

A police spokesman insists that if what’s being said is true, Pav will have to cough up a “hefty fine.”

[Goal]