Man with far too much free time makes something look like something else

In lieu of information regarding current events, the folks at Sky News provided us with a man who can make a large land mammal look like one of the world’s leading impotency spokesmen.

We’re sure we’ve seen that artist before somewhere…

Yes, some crazy person had enough free time to make this

Admittedly, Sister Act/ footballer mash-ups are exactly common, but this is by far the best example we’ve seen. Stick with it until (2.40) for an angelic Cristiano Ronaldo solo.

[Dirty Tackle]

Argentinean responds emphatically to Pele’s claims he is a ‘negative example’

Maradona keeps his distance while ‘welcoming’ Pele to his talk show in 2005

Like cats and dogs, bloods and crips and Cristiano Ronaldo and modesty, Pele and Maradona are fierce enemies. As leading contenders for the position as the greatest football of all time, the Brazilian and the Argentinean have been trying to soil one another’s reputations for years.

In 2000, Pele denied an accusation by Maradona that he had had his first sexual experience at the age of 14 with a coach. At the time, the Brazilian attributed Maradona’s surprising outburst to a mixture of jealousy and disapproval of his staunch support for anti-drugs campaigns.

While bizarrely accusing Robinho of taking drugs on Monday, Pele did not miss the opportunity to take a potshot at his Argentinean adversary, by claiming he was “a negative example”. When journalists asked Maradona for a response prior to Argentina’s match with Venezuela, he ignored the opportunity to defend himself, opting to re-tell his homosexual slur:

“What do you want me to say? He lost his virginity to a man.”

According to Spanish paper Marca, this statement provoked laughter from the journalists.

Man City’s inconsistent star accused of taking cocaine

Brazil is famous for many things - beautiful beaches, colourful street parades, slightly gay-looking currency - but if the claims of Pele are to be believed, the South American nation may soon gain a reputation for footballers who dabble with naughty substances.

During a private tourism event, the legendary erectile dysfunction solution advocate claimed (Fat) Ronaldo and Robinho had been on the cocaine while attending a private party in Sao Paolo:

“It is unfair to talk about drugs in football because of just one or two cases, like Ronaldo and Robinho, who have that problem.”

Pele may have been caught out revealing an unspoken truth about Brazilian football, but it is more likely he was trying to divert attention away from the curious case of his son Edinho, who was a known cocaine user and suspected drug trafficker.

After Robinho’s hilariously bad penalty kick yesterday (3.15 above), a spokesman for the Brazilian pooh-poohed his accusation:

“We strenuously refute any such suggestions. The notion of him taking drugs is absurd and we completely deny it.”We are trying at this moment to get Pele to clarify the situation.

“We think these comments have been genuinely misunderstood or got lost in translation.”

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies…

The chap wrestling for the ball with Fenerbahce’s Ed in the picture above is Vítor Hugo Gomes Passos, also known as Pelé He should be filling a Lassana Diarra-shaped hole at Pompey for the rest of the season.

Elsewhere in Transferland…

Diego to Manchester City
Remember last week, when we told you that Werder Bremen striker Diego could be on his way to Manchester City for £25m? The English press have finally caught up with us - well done, Daily Mail.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: The Brazilian is well acquainted with Robinho and Elano, and the price fulfills City’s requirements of paying far too much. Diego is also in trouble for drink driving and strangling another player during a game - let’s hope he gets along with Craig Bellamy…

Carlton Cole to Juventus
According to Sky Sports, The Old Lady may give their old boys Trezeguet and Del Piero some competition up front with the signing of West Ham’s in-form striker. No money is mentioned, but the sum was said to be around £8m when Spurs were chasing him.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: It sounds a little incredulous, but Claudio Ranieri is a huge

Miaow! One saucer of milk for Bernd, please

We all know that Robinho joined Manchester City for the money in order to advance his career with a top Premier League side, however, Bernd Schuster doesn’t quite see it that way. The angry German Real Madrid manager said yesterday:

“From a sports point of view, for me it is a disappointment because Robinho had everything here to triumph.”

“But you have to respect his dream to be a good player in a mediocre club in England.“

Schuster isn’t the only one to criticise his move to Eastlands - Pele (who oversaw Robinho’s development with Santos’ youth programme) has claimed the young Brazilian ‘needs counseling‘ following his decision to leave Los Blancos. Robinho, obviously spotting Pele’s penchant for making a fast buck, retorted by claiming the old timer would have made exactly the same move.

Is Herr Schuster correct in his assessment of City? Or has Robinho wisely joined the club at the start of their ascension to greatness? Let us know with a comment below.

Brazilian old timer still has (sales) skills

Football legend Pele may be on the verge of turning 68, but he can still showboat with the best of them when the price is right. Taking a break from hawking his beloved anti-impotence medication, the Brazilian is helping to raise awareness of a multinational food company in the clip above. Expect to see him replace Howard from the Halifax adverts shortly…

[Off The Post]

A Miss Italy who has had more ‘ballers than hot dinners

It is inevitable that the conquests of two of Italian football’s greatest man-whores would overlap, and they have done exactly that in 23-year-old model and showgirl Debora Salvalaggio. She has been steamrollered by Christian Vieri (who has also enjoyed the company of Melissa Satta, Elena Santarelli and Elisabetta Canalis) and Filippo Inzaghi (see Sara Tommasi, Elena Barolo and Aída Yéspica), and also Matteo Ferrari and Simone Inzaghi.

As if this footballer CV isn’t impressive enough, the former Miss Italy contestant (surprise, surprise) is currently engaged to Portuguese Inter Milan youngster Vítor Hugo Gomes Paços, also known as Pélé.