Some fun and games from the Russian Premier League

While any pitch invaders in the Manchester derby were liable to receive the fist-based justice of Craig Bellamy, an encroaching fan in this week’s Moscow derby fulfilled a lifetime ambition.

Spartak Moscow were 1-0 down during their visit to fierce rivals Saturn Moscow Oblast when they were awarded a penalty. As Brazilian forward Alex was preparing to take the spot kick, an over zealous fan stole the limelight with his hilarious antics.

Undeterred by the distraction, Alex eventually took his turn and levelled the score, but his efforts were ultimately in vain as Saturn scored a winner three minutes later.

Probably the best U-14 football brawl you will see today

Approximately 100 per cent of football matches in South America feature an outbreak of violence, something that is apparently taught from a young age.

In this recent encounter between Boca Juniors and River Plate’s U-14 sides, a brawl was sparked when the ref awarded a late penalty. Boca’s coach Roberto Pompei interjected to show his disgust with the decision, and within seconds a massive ruck broke out.

[101GG]

Portuguese star starts to earn his stupendous wages

It’s hard to keep up with all the meaningless overhyped pre-season tournaments, but Real Madrid, Aston Villa, Juventus and a host of others are currently battling it out in Spain for the honour of taking home the Peace Cup.

Last night, Real Madrid played Ecuador’s mighty Liga Deportiva Universitaria de Quito, and the world’s most expensive player performed his first unconvincing dive scored his first goal for his new club.

Full highlight’s of Los Blancos’ 4-2 victory after los jump…

Portuguese/ Brazilian defender loses his rag in Madrid derby

It seems that Anfield wasn’t the only venue to host an incredibly exciting game last night - Real Madrid continued their pursuit of Barcelona in La Liga, with a win at the Bernabeu that ended in controversial circumstances.

With the score at 2-2 in the 87th minute, Getafe captain Javier Casquero was brought down in the box by Pepe. Confusing the felled player with a ball, the Portugal defender proceeded to kick the crap out of him.

Unsurprisingly, Pepe was sent off, but Getafe squandered their chance to steal a famous victory over their Madrid rivals, by delivering a penalty that was even worse than Berbatov’s effort at the weekend. To make matters worse, Madrid’s Marcelo put in a 92nd minute winner at the other end.

Spanish paper Marca claim that Pepe spat out a potty-mouth tirade at the fourth official as he left the pitch, and the punishment he will receive for this assault will probably rule him out for the rest of the campaign.

If this happened anywhere except a football pitch, Casquero wouldn’t think twice about pressing charges.

Here’s something C-Ron won’t be doing anytime soon…

In 1996, Robbie Fowler won the FIFA Fair Play Award thanks to an incident at Highbury, where he was awarded a penalty but tried to persuade the referee that Arsenal keeper David Seaman had not fouled him. Such good sportsmanship is rare in the beautiful game these days, but Rapid Bucharest midfielder Costin Lazăr has reminded us that integrity in the face of a goal scoring opportunity still exists.

During a Romanian Liga 1 match with Otelul Galati last week, the Romanian was awarded a penalty, but refused to take it as he did not believe he was fouled. Unlike Fowler, Lazăr was able to persuade the referee that he had made the wrong decision, and a drop ball was awarded instead.

[The Offside]

Amateur shot stopper has a good day at the office

Danke vielmals to German Spoiler fan Christian for alerting us to this inspired piece of goalkeeping. And thanks to Lenny Kravitz for continuing to entertain of with his unique blend rock, soul, funk and afro hair.

Under 21 side make a pig’s ear of scoring opportunity

Scientists who obviously had no diseases to cure recently discovered the technique for a perfect penalty: the taker should approach at an angle 20 to 30 degrees, hit the ball at 65mph, and aim exactly half a metre inside the crossbar and either goalpost.

Clearly, this stunning scientific development has yet to reach Portgual, as demonstrated in the national team’s U21 performance against the mighty Cape Verde yesterday.

Sporting’s midfielder Bruno Pereirinha attempted to recreate Johan Cruyff’s legendary passed penalty, by knocking the ball to Porto’s Rui Pedro. The plan was thwarted when a defender intercepted, and the pair were left looking as stupid as Thierry Henry and Robert Pires did in 2005.

Fortunately, the crappy spot kick had no effect on the result, as Portugal were 2-0 victors.

[Off The Post]

Basketball legend perfects penalty saving technique

Ben Foster was able to save Jamie O’Hara’s penalty in yesterday’s Carling Cup final after he watched footage of Tottenham spot kicks on Manchester Utd goalkeeping coach Eric Steele’s iPod. Presumably, 7ft 1in basketball star Shaquille O’Neal has also had access to the magical mp3 player.

Spoiler bonus: Shaq isn’t the only b’baller with mad football skills

[The Offside]