Italians get sexy dancers, Spaniards get crazy mimics

We don’t receive Catalan channel TV3, but if we did, we’d almost certainly tune into Crackovia, the comedy show where La Liga stars are parodied to within the inch of their lives. In the latest episode, a dead ringer for Cristiano Ronaldo chats with a fatter version of Guti, and we think it’s meant to be Sergio Ramos who emerges from the tub at the end.

We don’t speak any Catalan or Spanish, so have no clue what they are saying, but it’s all ridiculous enough to make us laugh.

The Catalonians don’t just parody their enemies, they also poke fun at their own biggest stars. We’re pretty sure the tall guy on the right is actually Zlatan Ibrahimovic. How can there be two people in the world with a nose like that?

If you can tell us what the hell they’re talking about in these clips, do share below…

[Spotted on ONTD]

Barcelona coach gets his Beethoven on

[ONTD]

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

David Villa to Manchester United
The Daily Mirror are reporting that Sir Alex Ferguson wants Valencia striker David Villa “above all other options” to replace Cristiano Ronaldo and Carlos Tevez and claim that he is willing to match whatever Barcelona offer for the Spanish international.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Villa is reluctant to test himself abroad and said recently: ”Next season I will play in Spain because it is the league that is best for me. I will not go abroad.” If he leaves the Mestalla this summer, it will almost certainly be for either Barcelona or Real Madrid.

Samuel Eto’o to Manchester City
Barcelona’s attempts to sign Villa are good news for Manchester City, with the Telegraph claiming that Pep Guardiola will let Samuel Eto’o go if the Spain

Also appearing on a computer near you…

The moment Peter Crouch discovered his twin at England HQ
[Dirty Tackle]

Video: The film Pep Guardiola showed Barcelona before their Champions League victory
[101GG]

Carlo Ancelotti’s £10m pay day
[Football365]

Kaka is teasing us all again, saying he doesn’t want to leave Milan
[Goal.com]

Florentino Perez says Ronaldo is “an example on the pitch” - an example of a petulant mercenary?
[Sky Sports]

Tottenham chase Marseille’s captain and Liverpool target Lorik Cana
[Caught Offside]

Spanish press claim teams have already been decided

If you thought you were going to have to wait until next Wednesday to find out the starting line-ups for the Champions League final, you were quite wrong: our amigos in the Spanish press have peered into the future, and brought the teams back to the present for your consideration.

AS claim Pep Guardiola has already settled upon his formation, with the only debate being the left-back position. They believe Seydou Keita will be played out of position over Sylvinho and Martín Cáceres, but fail to give a reason (we suspect it is because he has played more this season). Crucially, none of the players in the starting line-up will face Osasuna at the weekend, and no one in la Liga will threaten to sue them.

Meanwhile, the folks at Sport have published an article entitled ‘Ferguson already has the eleven that will face the Barça in Rome’, and in it they reveal that Nani and Paul Scholes will be joined on the bench by Carlitos Tevez and Dimitar Berbatov. Apparently, they will play with Cristiano Ronaldo up front on his own, much like he did in the semi-final at The Emirates.

Do you believe the Spanish press’ assertions, or should they leave the predictions to Mark Lawrenson and Nostradamus? Let us know your thoughts below…

Barcelona/Chelsea, UCL Semi-Final 1st Leg, 7.45pm, ITV1

Whereas the thought of Chelsea and Liverpool clashing again in the Champions League this season was greeted gloomily, the fifth pairing of Barcelona and the Blues in ten years has been eagerly anticipated. Hopefully, it won’t fail to match expectations like Barca’s semi-final encounters with Manchester United did last season:

ADVANTAGE BARCELONA?
Chelsea haven’t won a Champions League game at the Nou Camp - losing two and drawing two - and Barcelona have a fantastic home record this season - winning 22, drawing three and losing just two of their 27 games there this season. They have scored in every home match since last year’s semi-final first leg against Manchester United. Chelsea haven’t won any of their last seven Champions League matches on foreign soil. Pep Guardiola’s side are generally available at 8/11.

Laurent Blanc is a shock contender to succeed Juande Ramos

The Spanish press are reporting that Laurent Blanc has emerged as a frontrunner for the Real Madrid job after Zinedine Zidane recommended him to Florentino Perez, the favourite to be elected president at the Bernabeu.

The Frenchman, once of Barcelona, guided Bordeaux to second in Ligue 1 last season and they are only two points off the top spot in this campaign.

However, The Spoiler believes it would still be too much of a gamble hiring someone who has only managed for two seasons and, unlike Pep Guardiola at Barca, has no prior experience at the club. It would also be very harsh on Juande Ramos - whose league record is P16 W14 D1 L1.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Rock, paper, scissors: Pep Guardiola, Rafa Benitez and Juande Ramos have found a unique way of settling the Champions League
[Off The Post]

Does shouting at players really work? Mourinho seems to think so
[The Offside]

The Italian press believes Beckham wants to stay in Milan
[Daily Mail]

Stevie G had his Magistrates’ Court appearance today, he denied the charges
[Sky Sports]

Cheryl Cole is surprised to see you
[Kickette]

Football-based drama over in Canadialand
[Unprofessional Foul]

Sony and Arsenal FC want to put action replays on your PSP
[t3]

Rich Arabs set to test Roman Abramovich’s resolve
[BBC]