England star gets hand put in his face, and then gets angry
( 101gg )
England star gets barred from club, and then gets headbutty
( The Sun )
England star gets three points at Portsmouth, and then gets very drunk
( Daily Mail )
Birmingham City star (not quite the same) is banned from a nightclub
( Dirty Tackle )
And now for something completely different. Have you ever wanted an index of all rude player names? Are you really that juvenile? Ah, ok. Midfielddynamo have helpfully compiled one.
Jermaine Jenas gets the Pimp Juice flowing at nuptial celebration
Thanks to his pre-pubescent appearance, The Spoiler was under the impression that Jermaine Jenas was only eleven or twelve years old. It turns out he’s actually been doing it with girls for ages (sexy evidence here and here) and he will soon be getting married.
In order to celebrate his imminent union with ladyfriend Ellie Penfold, the Tottenham midfielder organised a grotesque celebration befitting of a young man who brings home more than £50,000 each week. Teammates including Peter Crouch and Robbie Keane attended the glitzy do and busted out some karaoke, but the highlight was a special appearance from Nelly. The superstar American rapper serenaded the couple, probably using the same irritating melody that he sings on every single one of his songs.
Nelly’s feelings may have been a little hurt when Jenas fiancée admitted a desire to be entertained by a frequent and habitual drug user on her big day:
“I’d like all my family and friends to be there in a big country house. Oh and I’d like Amy Winehouse to sing.”
Premier League footballer in ‘behaving like a moron’ shock
During his spell at Southampton, and before he was actually famous, Peter Crouch was often to be found at a particular fast-food vendor in the centre of town, hunting nachos, his favoured delicacy at the time. Eye-witness accounts tell of the big man strolling in, ordering his nachos with the caveat that, being the Peter Crouch, he of course had no intention of paying for them.
The chap across the counter on the minimum wage just used to shrug and hand over his food but there was worse to come. Following each individual Nacho consumed, the lengthy striker would jubilantly cry, “Crouchy’s having his Nachos!”
Have you spotted a footballer behaving, well, like a footballer? Let us know below…
Preston NE 1/ Tottenham 5
There were no League Cup surprises last night as Aston Villa, Chelsea, Everton, Manchester Utd and Tottenham all ensured their places in the fourth round. For the third time this season, Spurs travelled north and bagged five goals, and the highlight of the bunch was the last, which hat-trick hero Peter Crouch audcasiously put away with a backheel volley.
The 2009 window deals that were absolutely inevitable
As the transfer window creaks shut for once more, Spoiler correspondent Andrew Brook has compiled a team of players who were always destined to change clubs this summer. And look, he’s done it in a 3-5-2 formation! How fun!
GK - Joe Hart (Manchester City to Birmingham)
As soon as Manchester City signed Shay Given in January, Hart was destined to leave. Every season a promoted team seems to get a new goalkeeper (Scott Carson to West Brom in 2008, Craig Gordon to Sunderland in 2007) so this was an obvious match.
DF - Joleon Lescott (Everton to Manchester City)
One of this season’s most painfully long sagas saw David Moyes over take Sir Alex Ferguson as the Premier League’s dourest Scot, and thus by extension its dourest person. Just be thankful that this inevitable deal didn’t drag on all the way to deadline day.
DF - Kyle Naughton (Sheffield United to Tottenham Hotspur)
Even before Sheffield United failed to secure Premier League promotion, everyone knew one of their ranks would be playing in the top flight this season. Harry Redknapp could not remember which of the Blades’ Kyles he wanted, so nabbed Naughton’s teammate Walker as well, but we all knew which one he meant.
The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies
Peter Crouch to Liverpool
Despite selling him to Portsmouth for £11m last year, Rafa Benitez is interested in bringing Crouchie back into the fold, say the Daily Star. It would cost £12m to steal the lanky striker away from potential suitors Tottenham.
The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Crouch has snubbed Sunderland and Harry Redknapp has been quoted in the Daily Mail saying wage demands may scupper the deal, so a return to Abbey Clancy’s homeland isn’t unfeasible.
John Terry to stay at Chelsea
Following Didier Drogba’s confident endorsement of his captain, Carlo Ancelotti has insisted Mr Chelsea will not sell his soul:
“John Terry, I repeat, is the captain of this team and he will be the symbol of this club and this team for many years.
“It’s not been a problem in these last few days. He will be the captain of Chelsea in the future.”
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