Man needs calculator…

Once again, Peter Kenyon has proved his worth as one of the lord God’s most unnecessary creations by insisting that Shevchenko might even have been a good bit of business for Chelsea.

“I’m not giving a lesson in accountancy,” he grumped, “but you do write money off over the term of a contract.”

It’s an interesting point. But, unfortunately, even without one of his important accountancy lessons, we can’t help but sense some slightly bad business in the sum below:

Chelsea chief exec tells other clubs to get their houses in order

In what may be a vague attempt at entering into some Fergie-style PR mind games, Peter Kenyon today told clubs such as Tottenham, Newcastle, Everton and Aston Villa to get their act together:

“It should be more about them getting their houses in order rather than us coming down to their level.”

According to the most recent financial data available (from the 2006/07 season), Cheslea had a debt of £738m, their operating expenses had increased by £35m on the previous year, and they were only being stabilised by an interest-free loan of £538m from a kindly Russian gentleman. At their current rate of inflating wages, it would be ambitious for the club to break even in the next five years.

Of course, Roman Abramovich is no fool, and being able to support such a huge debt is testament to Chelsea’s long-term financial strength, but it seems a little rich for Kenyon to tell other clubs to get their houses in order when theirs relies solely on a man who would think nothing of writing off a £700m loss…

This morning’s rumours, gossip and damned lies

In a crushing blow for fans of overweight Brazilians, it is being reported on the AC Milan website that a deal has been agreed to bring Ronaldinho to the San Siro this coming season. Just to rub it in, it’s thought that Milan aren’t even offering Barca as much cash, and Ronny’s agent brother claimed he had negotiated a £25m deal with Citeh just yesterday. Still, it could all be a blessing in disguise - the podgy one, pictured above with AC Milan bigwig Adriano Galliani, would have undoubtedly capsized the trawler on the way to the Faroe Islands tomorrow…

Valon Behrami to West Ham
The right-back known as the “Swiss David Beckham” has invoked another weird contract clause that will allow West Ham to sign him for £1.5 million rather than the £11 million Lazio have demanded. It casts doubts over the future of captain Lucas Neill, who may ruin the party for City fans happy they avoided Ronaldinho.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: If the Daily Mail are actually printing something positive about West Ham, it must be true

Anton Ferdinand rejects Newcastle
Newcastle’s madcap scheme of basing their transfer recruiters in London hasn’t helped them bring in any defenders this summer. First, Richard Dunne decided he’d rather win his thousandth player of the season award at Man City and now Soulja Boy Ferdinand has decided that not even the Newcastle nightlife is enough to make playing with Joey Barton sound tempting.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: West Ham seem happy to lose Anton but he doesn’t want to go

Tal Ben-Haim to Man City
Slimeball Peter Kenyon is still laughing after flogging flop Steve Sidwell for £5 million

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Video: Some amazing skills, rather predictably from Brazil
[YouTube]

Peter Kenyon whoring Chelsea in Russia
[Chelsea Pies]

Video: Mascots do the darndest things
[chickendinner]

David Beckham becomes an LA Lakers glory hunter
[Grid Crasher]

Tiger Woods faces an embarrassing interview question
[All Balls]

Chelsea chief exec brings the right spirit of commerce to Olympic proceedings

Forget the farcical attempts to carry a lit torch successfully around Europe - which would have been more successfully accomplished by a gang of tramps with a matchbox - the Olympics are still supposed to bring the people of the world together through sport. Yes, China is proving to be a controversial venue, massive political hurdles are involved, but that’s the nature of any global event nowadays - even Eurovision. All of which makes it ever more depressing to see Chelsea chief exec Peter Kenyon somehow getting involved in proceedings