Hint: they’re not happy

Obviously, the English press are delighted with last night’s victory in Berlin, but it’s good to know that the German media is just as negative and over-the-top when it comes to embarrassing international defeats.

Bild, Germany’s biggest daily and the equivalent of The Sun, is lamenting the German “B” eleven’s loss to the England “C” Eleven. Somehow, they conclude that a German side without Michael Ballack and Philipp Lahm constitutes a reserve side, and the Three Lions have been downgraded to a “C” for no particular reason.

The Germans have always boasted of their team’s overall strength, rather than the outstanding contributions of any particular player, so it’s interesting to see them blame the loss on Ballack and Lahm’s absence.

Bild believe Die Mannschaft are failing to recover from the power struggle that saw coach Jogi Loew and Michael Ballack fall out, and are calling the defeat the worst since they crashed out 3-0 to the Czech Republic in 2007.

Lahm’s lady isn’t in Ballack’s good books

If Captain Serious Michael Ballack gets his way, German WAGs will be rushed back over the border to their homeland quicker than you can say “du werdest einer Krankenschwester brauchen.” Ballack’s proposed WAG ban is bad news for the likes of Nicola Valentina, who may not be able to see her Bayern Munich defender boyfriend Philipp Lahm until the end of the tournament.

German captain sends the hosts packing

While dismissed Germany coach Adrien Brody Joachim Loew was kickin’ it with German chancellor Angela Merkel in the stands, Michael Ballack was busy blasting a 30-yard free kick won by Philipp Lahm.

Speaking of Philipp Lahm, why not enter our competition to win yourself a copy of Jumper here.