Whoa! Someone needs to chill out!

Generally speaking, the internet is a wonderful place where cats play keyboards, people have good natured batfights and opinionated morons can become famous.

However, Jack Wilshere probably isn’t sharing our enthusiasm for this big ol’ network of computers, as some vicious anonymous commenters have been using it to threaten his ladyfriend. The Daily Star done a story what sez:

FOOTBALL ace Jack Wilshere has called in police after a jealous female “fan” threatened to murder his girlfriend.[…] devoted fans have posted page after page of messages on internet sites.

But when pictures of his girlfriend - named online as Lauren Neal - were posted, so were threatening and spiteful messages.

On one site, a jealous girl calling herself “xCupCakes” wrote: “gah, lets kill her please?”

Another said: “She’s not good enough for him”, while one claimed she looked “like a boy”.

‘xCupCakesx’ strikes us as a misguided teenage Jack Wilshere fan, rather than a muderous psychopath, but nevertheless Hertfordshire police have “taken the threat very seriously”.

Scary update: Here’s the relatively harmless thread from which this story came. Thanks to Jonny for the tip.

Tottenham star continues to sabotage his career

David Bentley and his delightfully punchable face found themselves in trouble with the law in the early hours of Wednesday morning, as the Tottenham star was charged with drink driving.

After enjoying a concert by Oasis-AC/DC hybrid Jet in super-trendy Shoreditch, Bentley pointed his £98,000 Porsche 911 Turbo in the direction of his Hertfordshire home. Unfortunately, he was 1.5 times the legal drink driving limit, something that became clear when he smashed into a lamp post near his home at 3am.

A police spokesperson has released a statement:

“He has been charged with a drink driving offence and has been released on bail to return on 28 August. A member of the public called just after 3am to report a single vehicle road traffic collision in Judges Hill, Northaw. A man was arrested at the scene and taken to Hatfield Police Station. This morning David Bentley, 24, has been charged with an offence.”

Bentley has issued a short statement in which he calls the event a personal and professional “wake up call”.

He wasn’t exactly flavour of the month before this incident, and now he’s probably fallen behind Aaron Lennon, the kit man and Sandra Redknapp in the pecking order.

Mark Hughes, snap him up!

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Suspicious party discovered during Champions League Final

Those who believe that illegal activity could not possibly occur in a £1.3m mock Tudor mansion purchased by a footballer are in for a shock. While watching her son Ryan Giggs lose the Champions League Final in Rome on Wednesday night, police raided Lynne Johnson’s home and discovered a drugs party, which may have in fact been a sexy drugs party.

The Sun reports:

The Premier League star was said to be “hit for six” by the “unauthorised” bash at the £1.3million six-bed mansion.Lynne and Giggs’s half-sister Bethany, 17, had travelled to watch United’s defeat on Wednesday.

Cops were alerted after Lynne’s 91-year-old next-door neighbour spotted men pull up in two cars at the pad in Worsley, Greater Manchester.

A cop arrived to see two or three men and a woman run to the rear of the house

(Football fans + drinking) x Rome = violence

It’s barely lunchtime in the Italian capital, but trouble is already erupting on the streets. Goal.com are reporting that a British Manchester Utd fan is receiving treatment in hospital after being stabbed in the thigh.

In an unrelated incident, two drunken Utd fans have been arrested for disorderly behaviour in the Piazza Campo de Fiori area. A 19-year-old and a 45-year-old reportedly channeled their inner Russell Crowe, kicking and punching officers who tried to arrest them.

The Mayor of Rome was hoping to avoid such incidents by imposing a blanket ban on alcohol in the city from Tuesday until Thursday. The ban, however, has been universally ignored, as up to 50,000 visiting fans have been free to purchase booze in bars and supermarkets.

The Spoiler’s source in Rome confirms that people are freely drinking outside, despite official warnings. The source added that a sign at her hotel reads: “No Alcoholics served today”.

Angry Dragões relieve frustration with some petty theft

Those who want to dress like Cristiano Ronaldo - ie everybody - can achieve his fierce look with a visit to one of his CR7 boutiques. The Madeira branch of his fashion chain, however, received some unwelcome visitors this week.

Angry at the manner in which they were knocked out of the Champions League, Porto sent three of their campest metrosexual fans to the store to cause unrest. The gentlemen filled three knapsacks with various items of overpriced crap hats, belts and shirts, before saying some very mean things about the tricky winger to his sister Elma, who runs the store.

Fortunately, police arrested the chic offenders later in the day, and also foiled a second robbery plot involving up to ten men.

[Expresso via Dirty Tackle]

Massimo Oddo foils €150,000 extortion plan

Massimo Oddo can sympathise with Spider-Man, as he too has a blessing that is also a curse. His rugged good looks have earned him the affections of pornstars and a delightfully homoerotic fashion shoot, but they also nearly cost him €150,000.

Bild are reporting that the Bayern Munich defender was recently seduced by two sexy (and presumably female) police officers in Italy. They photographed him in “compromising” positions, and two months ago, threatened to publish them if he did not stump up €150,000. Thoughtfully, they also showed the pictures to his wife - and the mother of his two children - Claudia Crivelli.

Oddo pretended

Xerez Club Deportivo should be proud of their top dog

The handsome devil above is Joaquín Bilbao, the president of Spanish second division side Xerez. If you think he looks like the kind of chap who wouldn’t be arrested for his involvement in a shootout in a brothel, you’re quite wrong.

According to Spanish paper Marca, Bilbao and his driver have been arrested for some Wild West antics that occurred last week at a Jerez brothel. The two men are alleged to have shot at the sex establishment in the early hours of Tuesday morning from a car, hitting the door and one of the windows. The shots were said to have woken the neighbours, but no one was hurt as the brothel was closed at the time.

Everton star not willing to forgive police for jewellery shop mix-up

A statement on the Everton club website, Thursday March 12:

“We would now expect [Victor Anichebe] to receive a full and unreserved apology from the police - and then both he and the club would then consider the matter closed.”

A statement on the Everton club website, a bit later on Thursday March 12, after the police issue the apology Anichebe requested:

“Whilst I do fully understand Cheshire Police’s desire to tackle the problem of robberies on jewellery shops in the Knutsford area, I remain deeply upset and very angry about the treatment which was meted out to myself and a friend yesterday (Wednesday).”

We can’t figure out what is more shocking - Anichebe’s reticence to forgive the police despite receiving the apology he desired, or the fact that a footballer used the word “meted” in a statement. Did you swallow a dictionary, Victor?