Berbs finally scores, Arsenal get over Hull misery

Porto may have won the Champions League four years ago when a certain Mr Mourinho was calling the shots, but last night they appeared far too distracted by Robin van Persie’s 14-year-old French exchange student haircut, as he and Emmanuel Adebayor sunk them 4-0.

Meanwhile, over in Denmark, Aalborg’s ropey defending was punished by a stroppy Bulgarian man, who managed to bag his first goals for United.

Champions League, 7.45pm, ITV1, Free £10 bet 

Our brothers and sisters over at chickendinner are not just content with predicting an Arsenal victory tonight, they have gone one further and fixed their eyes on the Emirates’ scoreboard, foreseeing a 3-1 victory. Here’s why Hull’s bitches will bounce back:

1. While Porto have never lost at home to a British team in the Champions League, they have drawn one and lost nine of their ten away games there.

2. And that includes their meeting trip to North London two years ago when Arsenal saw them off 2-0 with goals from Barcelona Henry and Hleb.

3. Arsenal won all three home group games last season, scoring twelve goals.

4. Arsene Wenger’s side have only lost no more than one home game in three of the last four seasons.

UEFA have been playing with the crazy pots again

The good officials of the Champions League gathered around the trough in Monaco this afternoon, pausing briefly to pompously remove some plastic footballs from mixing bowls in one of their favourite little rituals.

As per, various pundits and sundry authorities were on hand to discuss the mouth-watering nature of the dance card, while those associated with the managerial side of things vowed not to underestimate anybody, as decreed by UEFA’s guidelines on how to talk to the press at times such as this.

Of the English teams, Liverpool probably feel the men in blazers could have looked harder to find them a couple of soft sides, but at least

Shocking signs of double standards in football

It’s always a bit embarrassing when your plan to bribe high powered officials with beautifully tanned prostitutes is found out - especially if you’re FC Porto, and the underhand referee sex exchange took place back in 2003/2004, when everything was going just swimmingly.

They won the Champions League that year, but only now, many moons later, have the high priests from UEFA decided to dish out their punishment

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Porto win their 23rd league title, but could be relegated
[The Offside]

100% Injury Rate Compares American and European Cheerleaders
[Fan IQ]

Video: The biggest crash in NASCAR history
[Grid Crasher]

Wenger: ‘We’d still be top without our injuries’
[Football 365]

Maria Sharapova and Anna Kournikova - together at last!
[The Angry T]

The best sports programming on the telecube this evening

Don’t worry if you didn’t manage to get a fake bib for the Liverpool game tonight, it’s also being broadcast on television. And if you don’t fancy seeing Rafa’s final hours at all, then check out the