One-time world beater outrun by creaky-backed ex-alcoholic

Cast your mind back to transfer deadline day January 2009. As Jim White began to moisten in the studio, the big news seemed to be coming from Fratton Park, where a big name was all set to arrive on loan.

The creative midfielder had a reputation so stellar, Patrick Moore had done the scouting report. Yet it was a report Pompey boss Tony Adams wasn’t happy with. Having heard rumours about the new signing’s fitness, Adams refused to acquiesce with his superiors’ demands to sign the player. The deal was deadlocked.

Sniffing a resolution Henry Kissinger would have been proud of, Adams offered the various agents and hangers-on a deal. Both he and Player x would undergo the notorious bleep test - the classic acid test of a footballer’s fitness. If Adams, a 42 yr old former alcoholic with various limb issues, could outperform the new signing, he would be on the first boat back out the South Coast.

thespoiler’s spies report that not only did Adams emerge triumphant, but he absolutely romped home.

The Spoiler finds out more about Portsmouth’s new owner

When Portsmouth owner Sulaiman Al-Fahim (pictured) realised he didn’t even have enough money to buy a shirt that fits him properly, he sold 90 per cent of his share in the south coast club to Ali Al-Faraj. Keen to discover more about the mystery Saudi Arabian businessman, The Spoiler went in search of some facts. Then, we wrote them down and published them, Because we’re nice like that…

• Al-Faraj is forty years old, he is a Saudi property investor, and he is “a huge supporter of the English Premiership”. Crucially, he is also the figurehead of the super powerful Al-Faraj family. Said power is fuelled by a healthy stake in behemoth petroleum peddler SABIC (Saudi Basic Industries Corporation). The billion-dollar company manufactures chemicals, fertilisers, plastic and metals and is a major player in the Saudi region.

• While Sulaiman Al-Fahim desperately tries to raise his profile by posing with Pamela Anderson and fronting the UAE’s crappy version of The Apprentice, Al-Faraj is notoriously private, shunning almost all media attention. Very little is known about his personal life and he has never been photographed for publicity purposes. Here’s a candid shot of him.

• Brits aren’t the only ones who have never heard of Al-Faraj - his fellow Saudis haven’t either. Dr Hafez Almedlej, chairman of the Saudi Professional League, said:  “I’ve never heard of him.

  

Manager says thing that probably isn’t true

In the weekly column written for him by a Sun journalist, Harry Redknapp never fails to say something contestable, and this week is no exception. While congratulating his former technical director Avram Grant for re-joining the Portsmouth management team, the Tottenham boss expressed both his confidence in his former employers and a charming naivety concerning the relegation betting market:

There is a new owner, a new man to help Paul and a win under their belts. They will not get relegated this season.

If I were a betting man I’d even put 25 pence each-way on that!

Is ‘Arry right to suggest Avram Grant et al can turn things around, or can they look forward to a couple of fixtures against Hull in the fizzy pop league next year? Let us know below. Or don’t. Whatever…

Also appearing on a computer near you…

The Guardian Gallery takes a look at Fergie’s space-time continuum

Fergie’s managerial greatness questioned
[DJ Mick]

Portsmouth are unpaid and lovin’ it
[Dirty Tackle]

Are the aforementioned Portsmouth chasing after Rafa Benitez?
[Caught Offside]

David Beckham’s beard inspires a lazy beard compilation that we wish we had thought of first
[Daily Mail]

Hull hope to benefit from the Bullard bounce
[Betfair Football]

Gianfranco Zola could be tempted to Napoli
[The Telegraph]

Darren Bent reveals concern for the ozone and a love of Katy Perry
[ChannelBee]

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Portsmouth’s Sulaiman Al Fahim is in hospital with a mystery illness
[Daily Mail]

100 pictures of Dutch überWAG Sylvie van der Vaart
[DJ Mick]

The ten greatest ‘almost goals’ of all time
[The Offside]

Mario Balotelli wants to hug you
[Dirty Tackle]

Michael Owen injury update
[The Mirror]

Danielle Lloyd’s fishy dream
[Kickette]

This non league side’s pitch doesn’t seem to conform to internationally-recognised standards
[Off The Post]

Some expert advice for the weekend’s activities from Sporting Index

In case you hadn’t noticed, all the cool kids are making their ritual viewing of Soccer Saturday a little more interesting with the help of spread betting. Our friends at Sporting Index are the go-to-guys for this money making art, and they have kindly provided previews of two of this weekend’s big clashes…

Stoke/ Manchester Utd
The Red Devils follow their derby triumph with a trip to the Britannia Stadium, where the Potters lost just four games last season. The comparisons drawn between Stoke’s home and Burnley’s Turf Moor are extremely welcome to sellers of United’s win index spread, as the Clarets, of course, defeated United there earlier in the season. Spread punters who followed the progress of Tony Pulis’s first top-flight season will remember, however, that United were one of the several clubs to leave the Britannia with three points, thanks only to a late Carlos Tevez goal. Chelsea are the only other member of the Big Four to play there so far this season and also required a last gasp winner. Buyers of the time of the last match goal will hope for a similar spread make-up on Saturday.

Fulham/ Arsenal
Due to their demolition jobs on Everton, Portsmouth and Wigan

The stars who have enjoyed facing their previous employers

This weekend, a whole host of players faced their former employers, most notably Emmanuel Adebayor at Eastlands and Dimitar Berbatov at White Hart Lane. Face kicking and celebrating aside, the former put in a performance that truly represented his stunning talent (something which was somewhat of a rarity during his final months at Arsenal), while the latter moped around and fluffed numerous chances (prompting the chant “That’s why we sold you!” - a chorus only bettered by the  “You’re not signing any more!” that Chelsea received at Stoke).

With these acrimonious encounters in mind, Spoiler correspondent Liam Jarvis has selected his top five players who have enjoyed facing the teams that used to sign their puffed-up pay cheques…

William Gallas
The tantrum-prone Frenchman scored the winning header from a Cesc Fabregas corner to beat Chelsea 1-0 back in 2007. The goal ended a 3-year winless streak against their London rivals.

Alan Shearer
Alan Shearer marked his 300th club career goal in perfect fashion, a simple penalty against former side Blackburn in 2002.

The final few hours of the window are painfully quiet

James Collins to Aston Villa
The Villans have released a statement claiming they have agreed a fee for the West Ham defender. The fee has yet to be disclosed, but the professional fee-maker-uppers out there have decided it will be around £5m.

David Bentley not going to Manchester City
Despite dedicating most of the morning to the exclusive that we had two weeks ago, Sky Sports News now seem to believe that DB will spend the rest of the season on the bench at White Hart Lane, and not on the bench at Eastlands.

David James not going anywhere either
Jesus this is a boring deadline day so far. David James’ car was at Portsmouth’s training ground in Eastleigh, then it went away, and then it came back again. We’ll stay tuned to SSN to see if Jamo uses his car again today.