Manchester Utd star remains aloof in Portugal

Cristiano Ronaldo is supposed to have his post-summer holiday showdown with Sir Alex Ferguson in Manchester today, and the British press seem to be assuming that the player will acquiesce to his club’s demands and play for another season. The Spanish tabloids, however, are painting a different story.

According to Marca, he will not return to Manchester for the dreaded hairdryer session. Yesterday, they found the tricky winger in a clinic in Lisbon, where he refused to comment and risk the ‘ongoing negotiations’ between Real Madrid and Manchester Utd.

Reportedly, Ronny will soon return to Amsterdam for another ankle consultation, after which he will ‘return to his home and wait’. Marca do not seem too concerned with the trifling detail that his ‘home’ is in Manchester.

UPDATE: Some media outlets are claiming Ronaldo isn’t due back today, but rather later in the week.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

As you peruse today’s links, give some thought as to how someone decided it would be a good idea to call Jean-Claude Van Damme’s new film ‘J.C.V.D’
[Pic courtesy of Uncoached]

Grid Crasher manage to get a cheeky new look at the brand new Lotus
[Grid Crasher]

US Olympic Swimmer Dara Torres may be 40, but she’s looking pretty good
[WithLeather]

Carlos Queiroz - The Portuguese Steve McClaren?
[The Offside]

Make money on Monty’s mood at The Open
[chickendinner Bet Blog]

Gary Lineker’s WAG Danielle Bux is the new face of La Senza underwear
[Pies]

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Gareth Barry is still working on his ‘Mr Popular’ reputation by getting himself banned from Aston Villa’s training ground. According to The Times, he is reluctant to put in an official transfer request as he will miss out on loyalty payments. And who is more deserving of loyalty payments than the man who has insisted that he wants to leave his current employers high and dry?

Elsewhere, Arsene Wenger is leading the race to see the spectacle of Andrei Arshavin sign a contract while looking in the opposite direction, and it will cost The Gunners around £15m for the privilege…

Emmanuel Adebayor to Barcelona
AC Milan conceded defeat in the pursuit of the Arsenal striker yesterday, but Barca have upped their bid.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: His head may have been turned

Andrei Arshavin to Arsenal
If Barca break the bank for Adebayor, then maybe they won’t need Arshavin, leaving Arsenal to replace the Togolese striker and have some money to spare.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Chelsea may also bid - Abramovich has allegedly demanded a Russian.

Samuel Eto’o/ Florent Malouda exchange
Malouda is officially a flop after one season, and at Chelsea you rarely get a second chance.

These men stepped up to the plate, brought their A game, gave it 110 per cent etc…

As everyone knows, the semi finals and finals of important competitions are an appalling waste of time. Everyone’s too frightened to touch the ball, to the point where grown men just gather around staring at each other, too paranoid to even speak. Hence, the team of the tournament has been chosen based on the real football that The Spoiler has already witnessed…

GK Iker Casillas (Spain)
For single handedly snatching football glory away from the Italians, and looking a little bit like a child attempting to grow a beard. Out-goallied Buffon.

DL Yuri Zhirkov (Russia)
Once you’ve finished rolling around on the floor in hysterics because his name sounds a little bit like “jerk off”, you’ll notice that he’s been a prince amongst left backs. Brilliant.

DC Giorgio Chiellini (Italy)
Whilst it made for the most face-scratchingly boring non-England match since Glasgow Women’s Deaf and Dumb Wheelchair Team took on the local hospice’s Coma XI, don’t forget that the Italian defence was brilliant. Particularly this man.

All of today’s transfer rumours in one tasty package

With the economy in tatters, it now seems that a football team can buy three Frank Lampards for the cost of a Darren Bent. According to The Sun, Inter will bid a measly £6.6m for the Chelsea star, despite the fact that he cost them £11m back in 2001 when everyone thought he was a bit average. Come on, Internazionale, Abramovich has more money than that sitting between his couch cushions.

Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid
Fantastic news: now Portugal are out of Euro 2008, so petulant w(h)inger Ronaldo can start toying with the emotions of the fans who worship him again. We didn’t even get to see him cry first - how unfair!

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He will announce his intentions this weekend, apparently, but it all depends on whether United let him fulfil his dream of making obscene amounts of money

Jan Koller to Birmingham
Yes, you read that right. One of the most prolific strikers in international football has heard all about the physicality of the Coca Cola Championship and is eager to get himself a piece of the action.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Not even Baros would go to Birmingham right now

Andrei Arshavin or Obafemi Martins to Arsenal
It looks like Arsene Wenger is getting uncomfortable

German aerial strikes too much for Big Phil’s side

If you listened to chickendinner’s astute advice, you would have come away from last night’s quarter-final match a little richer. As the betting genii predicted, Ballack’s men were far too strong for Portugal, and as I predicted, Ronaldo waited less than a few minutes after the final whistle to start harping on about Real Madrid.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Someone isn’t happy with Sweden’s Euro 2008 exit

Seven reasons Germany will beat Portugal tonight
[chickendinner]

Video: The ‘Van der Faart’ incident
[Euro 2008 Offside Blog]

This brilliant site will suffer from Sweden’s departure
[Euro2008girls.com]

Nick Heidfeld is full of anger
[Grid Crasher]

Video: Boston Celtics win the basketball, fans get smashy
[WithLeather]

David Beckham has done yet another overtly homoerotic photoshoot
[Kickette]

National team are better than Holland and Portugal, apparently

Despite not qualifying for that big tournament thing that’s happening at the moment, the English national side have jumped from eleventh to ninth place on the FIFA World Rankings. Bizarrely, Capello’s men have have switched places Portugal. You know, the side who did qualify for Euro 2008 and who won their group:

1. Argentina 1559
2. Brazil 1513
3. Italy 1424
4. Spain 1303
5. Germany 1274
6. Czech Republic 1246
7. France 1143
8. Greece 1133
9. England 1123
10. Netherlands 1111

We’ve probably earned some points by defeating low-ranked teams like Trinidad & Tobago, but how does this put us above the Netherlands and Portugal? Does anyone even care about FIFA rankings? Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer? Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word? So many questions, so little time…

[soccerway]

Slaven is allowing the squad conjugal visits

Several reasons may be given for Croatia’s unexpected victory over former tournament favourites Germany last night - the Deutscher’s lack of cohesion, Schweini’s sending off, Croatia’s ‘balls out’ attacking style - but the chaps over at The Offside Euro 2008 blog have got the famous victory figured out:

Croatia coach Slaven Bilic has banned visits to his Euro 2008 camp by friends and acquaintances but he is happy to let his players enjoy an afternoon with their wives and girlfriends … as long as they announce their visits in advance and don’t disrupt the morning and evening training sessions.

In World Cup 2006, Italy and Germany lifted the nookie ban, and the former won it while the latter finished third. So with this in mind, the ear ring-wearing rocker has landed on the correct side of the

It’s quite far away from the new office

When one commits to a high-flying job in a strange new country, one of the most important things to do is to find a new home. New Inter Milan boss Jose Mourinho has been doing exactly that, and today started moving stuff into a beautifully-appointed multi-million pound villa.

Trouble is, it’s in Setubal, Portugal, approximately 2,167km (or around 20 hours in the car) from his new place of work