Newcastle boss employs ‘industrial’ language to express anger

Daily Mirror journalist Simon Bird felt the full brunt of Joe Kinnear’s rage in a press conference yesterday, for having the audacity to report on the Newcastle players’ day off following his appointment last week.

Here’s the transcript in full, courtesy of The Guardian (those who aren’t used to the type of language that a rabid sailor might use should approach with caution):

UPDATE: Hear the tirade in all its sweary glory below

JK Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror’s north-east football writer]?

SB Me.

JK You’re a cunt.

SB Thank you.

JK Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you’re saying I turned up and they [Newcastle’s players] fucked off.

SB No Joe, have you read it, it doesn’t actually say that. Have you read it?

JK I’ve fucking read it, I’ve read it.

SB It doesn’t say that. Have you read it?

JK You are trying to fucking undermine my position already.

SB Have you read it, it doesn’t say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.

JK Fuck off. Fuck off. It’s your last fucking chance.

SB You read the copy? It doesn’t say that you didn’t know.

JK What about the headline, you think that’s a good headline?

SB I didn’t write the headline, you read the copy.

JK You are negative bastards, the pair of you.

SB So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn’t. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?

JK It is none of your fucking business. What the fuck are you going to do? You ain’t got the balls to be a fucking manager. Fucking day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?

SB No, you can listen to who you want.

JK I had a 24-hour meeting with

YouTube spoofers take four days to react to club takeover

The man speaking appears to be Indian and of absolutely no resemblance to Dr Sulaiman Al-Fahim, but we won’t let that get in the way of a good time.

Sincerely hopes club allows the rest of his body to follow

On the opening Sunday of the Spanish league season, Real Madrid’s problematic Brazilian Robinho prepared for the long slog ahead by calling an extraordinary press conference and announcing “My head is in Chelsea.”

While Madrid were getting ready to raise the curtain against Deportivo La Coruna in Galicia, Robinho was giving it to them with both barrels in the capital. “I’ve already told (coach) Schuster, Pedja (Mijatovic, Madrid’s technical director) and the club that I want to leave, and I’m saying it in front of the press again, as I have many times. The coach thinks he can get me back, but my head is in Chelsea.”

Besides being unable to keep their biggest stars muzzled, let alone happy, Real Madrid are also embarrassed by their own

Journalists catch Mr Expressionless in a verbally dextrous mood

Something tells me Chelsea boss Avram Grant is a little peeved about his persecution in the press. After last night’s victory at Goodison Park, The Toad threw a lollipop on the floor, stamped his feet and muttered the following through a grumpy pout:

A deserved win? Grant: “Yes.”

What pleased you about the display? “I’m pleased.”

What pleased you? (After eight second delay) Grant: “I don’t know.” When the Blues boss was asked if he had an issue with the Press he said: “No.”
Grant was furious that the match was brought forward 48 hours at the request of Sky Sports.

As skipper John Terry walked down the tunnel after the win he roared to his team-mates: “We’re still in it boys.”

But Grant was less positive. The Press conference continued . . .

Is it a relief to win here? Grant: “Yes.”

Are you more satisfied with the performance or the victory? “Both.”

The Chelsea fans must believe you are still in the title race, do you have a message for them? “No.”

The Rocket relieves interview boredom with lewd gestures and naughty words

It’s not often that a professional sportsman asks journalists if they would like to ‘nosh’ him during a press conference, but Rocket Ronnie went there at the China Open in Beijing on Wednesday.

This isn’t nearly as bad as the tabloids are making it out to be, most of the rudeness is muttered to the man sitting next to him, and would have gone over the heads of the majority of people in the room.

Skip to around (1.45) for the best bits.