Rubbish team will strike, but English club could save the day

Fresh from a bizarre centre circle protest last week, relegated Levante are planning to ruin Real Madrid’s championship celebrations on Sunday. Players of the financially-troubled club, who are owed around 18million Euros in wages, are unapologetic about a plan to strike and spoil Real’s big day. Captain Luis Manuel Rubiales said:

“Madrid has fans all over Spain, including in our team, and we are the last ones to want to cause it [sic] trouble.”

Levante has not been training all week and are adamant they will not play the league game, which means Madrid will be awarded all three points. If they find themselves contractually obliged to show up for a friendly tie, however, the players also have a scheme to enrage the Bernabeu faithful: according to some Spanish reports, they will field seven players (the minimum

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‘Grotesque’ new homes anger toffee-nosed villagers

Residents of a posh Cheshire village have taken time away from their backgammon games, wine racks and learning the Daily Mail by heart to complain about ‘The Rooney effect’, whereby Premiership footballers, almost always from a different part of the social spectrum, knock down perfectly good houses to make way for their vast pleasure domes. The Torygraph reports:

Norman Moffitt, the vice-chairman of Prestbury parish council, said: “We’ve seen some very nice houses being knocked down and replaced by new ones, some of which are pretty grim and others which are simply horrific.”

Wayne and Coleen, who need just one bedroom, bulldozed a five-bedroom family home to make way for their humongous new gaff (pictured above, under construction) - a trend started by Mark Hughes and continued by the likes of Michael Carrick, Roy Keane and cricketer Andrew Flintoff.

Petitions have been organised to stop more of the monstrosities springing up, while Alderly Edge resident