The Holy Goalie received his comeuppance, says Polish legend

We at The Spoiler were having trouble figuring out the reason for Artur Boruc’s massive howler against Northern Ireland at the weekend. Did he suffer a temporary rage blackout? Was he preoccupied by thoughts of T-shirts with hilariously offensive slogans on them?

Apparently not. This morning, legendary keeper and controversial pundit Jan Tomaszewski has cleared things up. The Pole - who was dubbed “The Man That Stopped England” after an outstanding performance in a World Cup qualifier in 1974 - says Boruc’s blunder was “a punishment from God”:

“Artur has no one to blame but himself. You could say he has had a punishment from God.

“He started a religious war in Glasgow and now it’s come back to haunt him. That is why he was under so much pressure in Belfast - as he is hated by most of the Protestant community.”

Ex-Charlton manager unlikely to be asked back on MOTD2

Operating under the proviso “if Alan Shearer can do it, anyone can do it,” a jobless man named Alan Pardew was invited to display his punditry skills on Match of the Day 2 last night. If you watched it, and you thought you heard Pardew say Michael Essien “absolutely raped” Ched Evans, your ears did not deceive you.

Afterwards, no attempt was of an apology was made, so presumably such comments are deemed acceptable at the new transparent BBC.

Our licence fees continue to pay for this man’s contributions

We at The Spoiler are huge fans of Alan Shearer’s unique brand of punditry - the way he strips away any signs of analysis, insight and useful information is truly masterful. On Sunday’s edition of MOTD2 he produced some gems that will undoubtedly change the way we all look at the beautiful game. Enjoy some choice cuts…

Shearer on Van Persie’s offside goal at Stamford Bridge:

“Scolari has been having a go at the referee, but it’s actually the linesman who makes offside decisions, so he should be having a go at him.”

So it’s the linesman who is in charge of offsides now? Wow, we had no idea. Thanks for clearing that one up, Alan, we had no idea the man whose primary function is to call offside decisions was in charge of offside decisions. Tell us more…

Shearer on Cristiano Ronaldo’s second yellow card:

“In this replay you can clearly see that the referee doesn’t blow the whistle until after Ronaldo commits the foul.”

Granted, C-Ron claimed to handle the ball after hearing a phantom whistle, but was it particularly helpful to analyse a slow motion replay (without any sound) showing us that the referee didn’t blow up for a foul that hadn’t been committed yet?

Sum of human knowledge greater than it was yesterday

With television rights to the weekend football highlights package up for discussion again shortly, this may be the penultimate season viewers of Match of the Day get to enjoy Alan Shearer and Mark Lawrenson yawning back at them from a BBC sofa each Saturday night.

But the prospect of unemployment hasn’t blunted Alan “good at discussing strikers” Shearer’s quest to unravel the mysteries of football for the ignorant millions at home.

Last night, following Wigan’s 5-0 education of Hull, the great pundit felt moved to peer into Wigan manager Steve Bruce’s future. “He’ll (Steve Bruce) do really well. He’ll continue to carry on.” Got it.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Game: Fancy driving a mini into Alan Shearer’s face? Or anyone else for that matter? Take out your road rage on the world’s worst pundit without using any precious petrol right here.

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Big Phil is odds on for the Chelsea job
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Blackburn not good enough for inexperienced MOTD pundit

The Daily Telegraph are today reporting that Alan Shearer may turn down the chance to succeed Mark Hughes because he “is not convinced that Blackburn would be the right place for him.”

Yes that’s right, a man whose post-retirement career has relied on professionally stating the bleedin’ obvious (and making Mark Lawrenson’s analysis seem groundbreaking in comparison) on Match of the Day could turn down the seventh-best team in the Premier League because they aren’t ‘right’ for him.

In comparison, the candidates who could miss out because of Shearer’s apparent God-given right to a top job are Sam Allardyce, who took Bolton to a League Cup Final and into Europe, and Paul Ince, who since retiring has knuckled down and spent 18 months overachieving with Franchise FC in League Two, winning two trophies.

Shearer also appears ignorant of the opportunities afforded to Blackburn managers - the last two