England captain preoccupied by household furnishings

Speaking on BBC Five Live, Rio Ferdinand shared some reassuring words concerning the effect of Gary Neville’s injury on the Manchester United side:

“Giggsy has stepped in and taken up the mantelpiece”

He went on to say that Patrice Evra is doing well taking up the grandfather clock and the window sills are in good hands with Nemanja Vidic.

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Duisburg ace won’t give up Playboy lifestyle or bizarre word choices

German First Division side Duisburg have put 34-year-old striker Ailton in the shop window this week for missing training. ‘He just disappeared,’ said a club spokesman.

All this comes after the Brazilian promised to clean up his act in order to focus on his football career. Last year, he made the following heartfelt pledge:

“I’m here in Germany without my wife, and I’m all about football. All about football. There will be no more sex for me, no more bumbum. The only orgasm is when I score a goal. Goal bumbum. Ailton is back.”

It seems that Ailton has