Reliving the half-time break during THATNIGHTINISTANBUL™

The red-tops have finally picked up on the spoof Liverpool documentary ‘Fifteen Minutes That Shook the World’ (which The Spoiler brought you news of a full two months ago); giving us the opportunity to repost this genius trailer.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

The Spoiler might quit the day job and get into the growing “women’s football violence” industry [spotted on Dirty Tackle]

Really classy bunch at The Mirror - top 10 footballers who survived car crashes
[The Mirror]

Rafa Benitez is delirious
[Daily Mail]

The Premier League’s best benchwarmers
[Caught Offside]

Man City have their own pointless friendly, lose
[101 Great Goals]

‘R.O.I.’ and ‘France’ get into it, vis-a-vis executive boxes
[Off the Post]

Brazil friendly update: JT injured, Wayne Rooney could take the captain’s armb..ZzZzZzZz
[Football365]

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Well in.

Luke Young retires from international football
[BBC Football]

I think a “LOL” is in order here. Is that Adrian from Rocky?
[Pies]

After the Rafa/Phil Brown/Jedward mashup of a few days ago, Fleet Street’s Photoshop goons are excelling themselves
[The Sun]

Carlton Cole - Liverpool’s unlikely hero?
[Caught Offside]

Mexico’s new kit takes inspiration from the shittest fashion trend in a long while
[ONTD]

Behind the scenes at WC2010
[Daily Mail]

Schumacher’s 1994 Benetton car? Yours for £2m
[Telegraph]

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Ironic that a bloke called Hansen should profit from some of the worst defending in history [via Off The Post]

The Gunners dress up for charidee, Fabregas apparently rocking a weird pony/rabbit hybrid
[Kickette]

Women’s footballer turned stripper goes back to her roots
[Dirty Tackle]

Hopefully these two will play a friendly against Martin Taylor next summer
[The Sun]

Peter (Kenyon) goes to Hollywood
[The Times]

Five players Rafa should sell in order to buy someone who can save his job
[Caught Offside]

Man City offer QPR two squad players + £1m for a 14-year-old
[The Mirror]

…or maybe not

“I don’t think there’s anything worse than a player diving when no one’s been anywhere near him. It does ruin the game.

If I saw a team-mate doing it, I would definitely have a word.”

- Steven Gerrard

Spanish press claim striker may not be back until December…

Diagnosis of Fernando Torres‘ recent trip to Spain, for a second opinion on his groin injury, proved fairly inconclusive in the English press this morning. The Spanish media, however, are confident the striker will be out until after Liverpool’s crucial Champions League clash with Debrecen.

According to AS, Torres hopped on a private jet to see Dr Ramon Cugat, a respected sports injury specialist, after medical staff at Liverpool’s Melwood training ground claimed surgery - which Benitez is desperate to avoid - was the only solution. Cugat is reported to have prescribed a ‘conservative treatment’ which will mean El Nino is laid up until the Reds’ game against Blackburn on December 5th.

Spoiler Bonus: El Mundo Deportivo are reporting a gentleman’s agreement is in place for Robinho to sign for Barcelona in the January transfer window now both the Man City chairman and Mark Hughes (who allegedly ‘has always been receptive to his departure’) are resigned to losing the Brazilian forward.

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Remi Gaillard: professional prank artist and also extremely handy with a football. Franck Ribery would be proud.

Spurs sit top of the most pointless league table ever devised
[Daily Mail]

Is Angel di Marina Rafa’s ace card or the first signing in Liverpool’s new era?
[Caught Offside]

Gaizka Mendieta: from £30m transfers to being told you’ll never get a game at a Boro team 12th in the league
[BBC Sport]

Twitter users don’t hang about - the first Kai Rooney accounts are up
[Off The Post]

Atletico Madrid have got their Newcastle hats on
[Guardian

We’ll give it three months (weeks)
[The Sun]

What’s the Spanish for desperado?

Ah, isn’t Roberto Martinez a breath of fresh air? Having given an interview in which he complained that everyone in England is running scared of Sir Alex Ferguson, Martinez today boldly stuck to his guns, whipped off his trousers and thrust out his groin in Fergie’s direction denied ever making those comments and scampered away to look for a tree to hide behind.

To read the original interview with the AS newspaper (in Spanish), click here. Meanwhile thespoiler’s Spanish expert has painstakingly translated the entire interview and can confirm the following quotes:

“He (Ferguson) has spent his whole life here and that has weight. Recently he was penalised for saying that a referee wasn’t fit enough and the truth is that they have almost ended up saying sorry to him for fining him. Another person would have been pounded.
Ferguson also has his group of loyal fans among other managers. Steve Bruce, who was his player; Sam Allardyce, who thinks he will be successor at Old Trafford, and others. On the opposite side Benitez is alone and thus gets stick from all sides.”

Deny away Roberto…