Frenchman holds head high in Paris

It’s hard to know how to get over a bitter blow to the heart. Some people head silently to a nearby field to weep undisturbed into the night, pausing only to punch the ground and shout “why” over and over again at the heavens. Others take out their anger with a series of good old fashioned street brawls.

Raymond Domenech - the most unbelievably French human being since Rene in Allo Allo - likes to take a calmer approach to soothing his addled nerves and broken dreams. No rambling madness, no blood shed, just a casual Parisian bike ride followed by a gentle wash, cut and blow dry (below). Good for you, sir.

French find themselves up baguette creek without a croissant

After Franck Ribery dropped to the ground in agony, clutching those around him as if he were frantically uttering his final words, the Italians were destined to control last night’s Group B match. Still, France boss Raymond Domenech considered the defeat a ‘beautiful moment’ and found time to propose to his girlfriend live on French TV straight after the final whistle. Maybe he can put his impending payoff from his employers towards the wedding.

Despite Adrian Mutu’s attempts at covering every position on the pitch, the Romanians couldn’t break down Holland’s B team.

Raymond Domenech subscribes to chickendinner’s theory

France boss Raymond Domenech has started to crack under the pressure of being pretty rubbish, and has admitted he fears Holland will conspire to cost Italy and France a place in the next round.

Holland have been cleared to play a weakened team against Romania and if they lose, Romania progressahead of Italy and France as runners-up, with the Dutch still topping the group, which could prove convenient for Marco Van Basten’s side when the semi-finals arrive.

Domenech, rambling like a madman consumed by paranoia, said:

“Our game against Italy will not be decisive. It’s the other match that matters. My opinion is Holland will make wholesale changes for the game on Tuesday night and it is already written that Romania will qualify with them from the group.”

Of course what he neglects to mention is the only reason Romania control their fate is that France were awful against them and had they actually beaten Romania, then their destiny would be in their own hands…

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