Celebrate the birth of baby Jesus with a pooing CR9 statue…

Christmas in the Catalan region of Spain is a joyous occasion. People spend days painstakingly recreating replicas of the nativity scene, which are proudly displayed in the run up to Christmas Day.

But when friends and family gather round to look at the handiwork, no-one is particularly bothered about the nativity bit — they’re all looking for a discreetly-placed gnome (or Caganer, “pooper”), like the one above, taking a sly shit somewhere.

CR9 was a regular Forrest Gump…

Cristiano Ronaldo claims he was advised to quit football for his other childhood obsession, ping pong. In his upcoming autobiography, Momentos (we’re sure you can’t wait), the Portuguese man-o-sex reveals he could have just as easily been winking across a table instead of a football pitch:

After football, ping pong is my favorite sport. I love to watch professional games and I like to play. I started playing as a boy in my neighborhood and at school. When I moved to the school of Sporting [CP], I kept playing ping pong.

The Spoiler hopes this isn’t a direct quote from the book, because it reads like a four-year-old’s back-to-school recount of what they did over summer. Anyway:

Premier League champs overtake Real Madrid…

Manchester United and Arsenal are the only English clubs to make the top 10 of a list of Europe’s 50 best supported clubs. The rankings, based on last season’s average attendance, are still dominated by German clubs - nine made the top 20.

See the full list after the jump…

AC Milan defender uses the sexy to get Brazilian’s attention…

Spotted at [ONTD Football]

Spoiler bonus: Check out our extensive Sporno gallery here

The only team missing Ronaldo more than Manchester United are

Updated - now with added Guti swearing at supporters

The Real Madrid dressing room: a place full of fragile egos, littered with haircare products, and reeking of the smell of complacency. The Spanish daily Marca has this morning reported an incident that should serve as a taster, for those who would like nothing more than to press their nose against the glass, and have their own cheeky glance inside.

On entering the dressing room at half time on Tuesday night of their hilarious Copa del Rey spanking (and already three down), veteran midfielder Guti urged his collaborators in this shambles, to try harder and work a bit more. Coach Manuel Pellegrini attempting to assert some Chilean discipline instructed Guti not only to shut it, but also to get changed - he was being taken off. To which Guti simply replied:

“Stick it up your arse.”

This Galacticos Mark II era may not end well…

Pay attention at the back

1. England aren’t the only country with a dodgy keeper
Madrid - Milan was a terrific match, end-to-end and iced with a couple of wonderful goals. But there were also some dreadful goalkeeping on display, from two men who are in contention to be the custodians for two of the favourites to win in South Africa.
Iker Casillas had his worst game in a Madrid shirt for many years. Not only was he beaten by Andrea Pirlo’s 87 yard strike for the Milan equaliser, but he then made a terrific hash of a standard long ball, to allow the Duck to put the Rossoneri ahead.

2. Serie A is no longer the home of Catenaccio
Things aren’t what they used to be in Serie A. 17 goals in the four matches in which Italian sides were involved this week, shows that the days of tuning into Ch4, to watch Roma and Sampdoria pass the ball around the back four inside their own half, are well and truly over.

3. Frank Lampard needs a team built around him
Much flapping and excitement in today’s press, as the golden boy Frank Lampard returned to form last night with a goal and two assists against the awful Atletico. Less lauded however, was how Lamps was at his best due to once more having three midfielders screening him, allowing Frank effectively a free role. It’s this sort of indulgence that Lampard has become used to, and that Capello is trying to stamp out with England.
Steven Gerrard to a slightly lesser degree relies on the same indulgence - at his best in a free role with three midfielders in behind him. Many would argue the pair are so good, they are worth spoiling. Thespoiler isn’t so sure - Paul Scholes used to score 15 a season playing with just Roy Keane alongside him, let alone two others.

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Maicon to Manchester United / City
Expect a lot of these over the summer. As soon as United make a move for anyone at all, City will come barging in flashing cash, purely to antagonise their neighbours.

Thespoiler truth-ometer: Both clubs need a right full-back, and Maicon is probably the best in the world right now (sorry Glen.) Another season of European failure for Inter could see one of these deals happen.

Cesc Fabregas to Real Madrid
Seething from the defeat against Seville, Madrid supremo Florentino Perez has swiftly identified the problem, and the solution - another lightweight creative midfielder. The Daily Mail no less, reports that Madrid may even make a move in January, so as to get in ahead of Barca who are unlikely to do any business before the summer.

Thespoiler truth-ometer: Cesc is a proud Catalan, and unlikely to want to join their fiercest rivals. It is also questionable whether Madrid can find the room to squeeze him in, with Diarra and Alonso having started brightly in the centre of their midfield.

Nilton to Liverpool
Having yesterday highlighted the brilliance of the young Vasco striker (see here), thespoiler is proud that Rafa Benitez has picked up the hint, and according to the Daily Mirror, is keen to bring him to Anfield in January.

Thespoiler truth-ometer: Rafa’s transfer policy is never the easiest to predict. One week its Nilton, the next Peter Shilton, the next Paris Hilton. We’re staying non-committal on this one.

Real Madrid star should probably stick to the day job

Clearly in need of a little bit of extra cash, Cristiano Ronaldo has agreed to sing in an advert for Banco Espírito Santo, a Portuguese bank.

Is it just us, or is it reassuring to know that there are some things C-Ron isn’t good at?