Rubbish team will strike, but English club could save the day
Fresh from a bizarre centre circle protest last week, relegated Levante are planning to ruin Real Madrid’s championship celebrations on Sunday. Players of the financially-troubled club, who are owed around 18million Euros in wages, are unapologetic about a plan to strike and spoil Real’s big day. Captain Luis Manuel Rubiales said:
“Madrid has fans all over Spain, including in our team, and we are the last ones to want to cause it [sic] trouble.”
Levante has not been training all week and are adamant they will not play the league game, which means Madrid will be awarded all three points. If they find themselves contractually obliged to show up for a friendly tie, however, the players also have a scheme to enrage the Bernabeu faithful: according to some Spanish reports, they will field seven players (the minimum
Wow, what a cup final it’s going to be - no Defoe, no Fowler, no recognisable goal scorers on either team. Get ready for a stonker, people! To calm you down, and get that heart rate back to around normal, here’s some very sobering news from the transfer underground…
Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid (which we reported straight outta the Spanish press last week)
After spending most of the season casually toying with Premier League teams like a panther wafting around a gerbil with one of it’s shiny claws, Ronaldo is probably bored of the silly Premier League with its dim-witted defenders and smarmy goalkeepers. He may be wise, however, to read Chaucer’s Tale of Thierry Henry - it’s about a man who thought he had it all, but so didn’t.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: May have peaked for Man United already, don’t count against it.
Ricardo Carvalho to Real Madrid
While everyone stands back and applauds John Terry for being Mister Chelsea, it’s actually the gentleman next to him with a middle-aged hair-don’t doing all the work. As the people of Spain will find out next season.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Without Mourinho there to give him cuddles, what’s the point? Should be off.
A few months ago, the papers claimed that C-Ron’s mummy would love nothing more than to see her little soldier playing in a Real Madrid shirt:
“I don’t like English teams but I know I have to like them because he [Ronaldo] is at Manchester. But for me… Real Madrid. Of all the foreign clubs, Real Madrid is the best. Before I die I would like him [Ronaldo] to play for Real Madrid. I would really like that and then I could die, it wouldn’t matter.”
Now, the tricky winger has hinted that his mother’s anti-English wish could be granted, as he will consider his future after the Champions League final. But do you think he will go? Votes and comments below, please.
Hope everyone enjoyed the summer - those were two pretty hot days. But don’t wrap up and sit patiently for Christmas just yet, there’s still some movement on the transfer market. Here’s the latest…
Steven Gerrard to Inter Milan
If Crouch is worth £15 million, Benitez probably has Gerrard at around £9 zillion. Inter might need to go back with their £25 million and come back with something a little more realistic, huh Rafa?
Aliaksandr Hleb to Barcelona
Spagetti-legged Hleb is so keen to get away from Arsenal that he’s apparently ready to fork out millions to get out of his contract. All the talk has been of Inter, until today when someone from Barcelona coughed and everyone got suspicious. Spill the beans, Hleb.
Former Miss Spain could be on her way to West London
If you believe this photo, Chelsea’s £50m summer transfer target Sergio Ramos likes to wear Hulk Hogan-esque bandanas with surf shorts that are just low enough to expose his ‘pubic tattoo’. In certain circles, he may be labelled a ‘douchebag’ for presenting himself in public in this manner, but at least he offsets his troubling look by keeping former Miss Spain Elisabeth Reyes as company.
The big news today is that it is officially the most meltiest hot day ever known to mankind - or, at least, it feels that way. And in other smoldering news, Ronaldo will be lining up for Real Madrid next year…
Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid
The loud clamour coming from sunny Spain is that Cristiano Ronaldo has already met with Real Madrid’s Director of Football and agreed to play for the La Liga winners next season. It would, of course, be the biggest scoop of the summer, probably breaking big transfer records. You heard it here first (or second if you read the Spanish press, clever cloggs).
Thierry Henry to Absolutely Anywhere
Anyone who saw the aftershow chit-chat following last night’s Real Madrid/ Barcelona drubbing already knows that at Barca they have an enormous list of players who they don’t want any more (according to the terrifying satanic voice of Henk ten Cate). One of those is Thierry Henry. He will be off.
Dimitar Berbatov to Manchester City
Manchester City are ready to offer £32 million for Berbatov, and will be hoping to tempt him with their long winters, non-Champions League football, and eccentric owner who has a reassuringly itchy trigger finger. Good luck, guys.
See Los Blancos drink Barca’s milkshake right here
What’s more humiliating than having to give your fiercest rivals the guard of honour as they walk onto the pitch? How about losing 4-1 to them straight afterwards. That’s what happened to the wayward Catalonians last night, who were thoroughly humbled by the new La Liga champs. Let’s hope you all followed chickendinner’s astute advice and made good from Barca’s demise.
Should you be wandering past a giant television set playing tonight’s Barcelona game, be sure to give it a quick glance and a nod, because chances are you won’t be seeing this group of players so spectacularly failing together again. It should never have been like this.
Taking their cue from the film Escape to Victory (Pele, Ardiles, Bobby Moore, Sly Stallone) or the Real Madrid “Galacticos” (Figo, Zidanne, Roberto Carlos, Beckham, Ronaldo, Raul), the Catalan side made big steps in building a superstar team, only to come hugely unstuck - realising that big names don’t always gel (Abramovich take note). Henry, Ronaldinho, Deco and Eto’o would be the star players at practically any other club in Europe, but Messi has seriously messed with their chi, and stolen their thunder… by being utterly brilliant. Hence, over the summer months expect to see them disbanding, all harrumphing off to different corners of Europe (mainly London) to be soaked in the kind of glory they demand.
Of the smaller names, defender Eric Abidal is rumoured to be Liverpool bound, Iniesta has been approached by Real Madrid – with gigantic figures like 60 million Euros being hurled around - and Zambrotta has failed to light up Spain regardless of his impressively sculpted mini-beard, and could be heading back to Italy where they love fashionably assembled stubble.
After graciously falling out of this year’s Champions League, Ronaldinho-less Barca must now concentrate their energies on taking second place in La Liga from Villarreal. Tonight, they are 9/4 underdogs in their visit to runaway title contenders Real Madrid - but in the past five seasons, El clásico has been won by the away side four times, and there’s been a shedload of goals too.
Indian Premier League Cricket
Mumbai Indians/ Rajasthan Royals (Setanta Sports 1, 3.30pm)
La Liga
Recreativo/ Villarreal (Sky Sports 1, 7pm)
Real Madrid/ Barcelona (Sky Sports 1, 9pm)
Scottish Premier League
Rangers/ Motherwell (Setanta Sports 1, 7.45pm)
French Cup Semi-final
Lyon/ Sedan (Setanta Sports 2, 8pm)
It’s inevitable that Berbatov will be playing Champions League football next season, hence the men in suits at Tottenham have been frantically shuffling paper and yammering about possible alternatives. David Villa was looking the most likely target.
