Josh Wick’s boots were made for stomping

Congratulations to Seattle Sounders FC, who last night proved to the world that a competition called the US Open Cup exists by winning it. The 2-1 victory over DC United was a bitter pill to swallow for losing goalkeeper keeper Josh Wicks, who reacted to the first goal with a hearty stomp on Colombian striker Fredy Montero.

Not cool, Josh. Not cool.

Referee suffers temporary bout of colour blindness

Having lost all three of their matches in the Americaland World Football Challenge, including a 2-0 defeat at the hands of fierce rivals Inter Milan last night, it’s fair to say that Post-Ancelotti AC Milan have not enjoyed the greatest of form.

Rossoneri fans, however, were given something to smile about in the Milan derby, however, as Ronaldinho was mistakenly given a red card. It was shortly replaced by a real yellow card. Oh, such fun times.

How’s this for a painful challenge?

Kevin-Prince Boateng, the German midfielder who was loaned to Borussia Dortmund by Tottenham in the January transfer window, has caused a big fuss in the Bundesliga this week.

Trailing 3-0 to league leaders Wolfsburg on Tuesday, Boateng put in a nasty studs-to-the-face challenge. He was immediately sent off for the challenge, and actually had the audacity to question the referee’s decision.

Opponent/ victim Makoto Hasebe needed seven stitches in his face after the incident, and Bild are now referring to the high-kicking midfielder as ‘RAMBOateng’. Hilarious stuff.

Boateng is unlikely to play for Dortmund again, but incredibly, he will escape punishment for having the middle name ‘Prince’.

[Bild, and a tip of the cap to DT for finding a video of the incident with a lively doo-wop soundtrack]

Barcelona and referee defeat Blues to reach final

Chelsea 1/ Barcelona 1 (Aggregate 1-1, Barcelona progress on away goals rule)

After 90 minutes of utter domination* over the supposed best team in the world, Chelsea may have felt confident of a second successive Champions League final. However, in the 93rd, Andres Iniesta cancelled out Michael Essien’s superb opener with Barcelona’s first shot on target of the game.

The real star of the show, of course, was Norwegian referee Tom Henning Øvrebø.  His laughably shite performance included a completely unnecessary sending off and the refusal of four penalty claims, at least three of which were definite fouls.

While the result is devastating for Chelsea fans, at least the neutrals can now look forward to the prospect of a vaguely interesting final.

*As some commenters pointed out, this clearly isn’t right. Read “utter domination over” as “resilient defending against”

Eighteen red cards dished out for bad behaviour

Men who play football for a couple of hours a day cheat to avoid grueling schedule

Just before Christmas, John Terry put in a studs-up challenge that saw him dismissed from Goodison Park. The ban meant the Chelsea defender was able to spend Christmas at home with the wifer and kids, instead of preparing for Chelsea’s Boxing Day with West Brom.

At the time, we asked whether JT had seen red on purpose, and our accusation doesn’t look so far fetched in light of the scandal that erupted in yesterday’s News of the World. According to ref Steve Bennett, Premier League players frequently get themselves booked so they can’t take longer holidays and spend Baby Jesus’ B-day at home:

Glancing from side to side, Bennett whispered: “He’s come in the dresser beforehand . . . he came into the dressing room on my mother’s life and said I need one more yellow card. So I gave him a yellow card and, ‘No, no, no, no,’ he says, ‘On the pitch’. It’s up to you.”

[…]

“As a fan, they f*****g rip you off. You don’t know half the things that go on. You don’t know half the things that go on.”

[…]

“All I’m saying is the foreigner players probably do it more because they are never used to playing games over the Christmas period, because all over Europe there is a three- week, four-week gap.”

Premier League bosses have said “We will be asking Bennett for an explanation,” and we hope that this means they will be demanding a list of all the players who have deliberately cheated. Anyone who endangers the careers of others just so they can have some time away from the world’s greatest job needs to be named and shamed.

If you thought English referees were trigger happy…

If our knowledge of the FIFA rulebook is accurate, a match is abandoned if a team has less than eight players remaining on the field. Two lowly Spanish sides, however, recently threw caution (and punches) to the wind by having nineteen players cumulatively sent off on matchday.

A game between Recreativo Linense and Saladillo de Algeciras descended into chaos after 54 minutes when a Recreativo player was sent off. A massive brawl ensued, and even members of the crowd got involved.

The referee duly abandoned the match, and when the players had retired to the dressing room, he sent off nine players from each side, making a grand total of nineteen red cards in the game.

[Read the report in Spanish here]

Chippenham Town forward sees red after three seconds

David Pratt, an aptly named striker with British Gas Business Premier team Chippenham Town has received the dubious honour of the world’s fastest sending off. His studs-up lunge against a Bashley player on Saturday earned him a red after just three seconds:

“The world record is not a big deal for me, it’s not something that I’m proud of,” Pratt said. “I’m not the sort of player that would deliberately go in to hurt someone. I play with passion and commitment and I saw the ball and just went for the tackle.”

The current record for fastest sending off in a professional league game is thought to be held by Giuseppe Lorenzo, who took just ten seconds to find himself excused when playing for Bologna against Parma in 1990.

Of course, if Cristiano Ronaldo carries on with the kind of ridiculous petulance we have seen in his last few games, this record could be smashed very soon…